What I really wish is that instead of being so passive about this whole thing I had a good mad on. With a head full of steam I could probably make it through a little better, but instead I am licking my wounds like a wounded puppy/kitten.

Today I consoled myself my listening to Carrie Underwood. THE NEXT TIME HE CHEATS IT WON'T BE ON ME!!!!!

Thank you. Walking away from him is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He drove by on the highway in front of where I work today and I saw him talking on his cell phone. This is a major road in our area so it wasn't like he had a choice if he wanted to get anywhere. I yearned to talk to him but didn't. Even through all this crap I know I still love him. I don't know what it's going to take but everyone I know in real life and everyone I know here tells me it will get easier and I just have to keep hoping that is so. I finally understand one day at a time. That is all I can hope for right now.

Last night was not as hard as I thought it would be. Of course I was exhausted and fell into the bed. I haven't heard from him and am now realizing just how unimportantant I was too him. I still don't understand why when I was gone this past summer he wanted me back just to put me through more hell and cheat on me again. I had thought we were really working things out and trying to be open and honest , then this. Who knows why they do the things they do.