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ouch!
July 24, 2001
3:26 pm
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exhale
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Hello everyone. I am new here and have recently admitted that I am a codependent. I have been reading Melody Beattie and am grateful for her. I have known "something" wasn't kosher but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now I know. Now I start. I am realizing why I continue to stay in relationships that are not healthy for me. I KNOW these relationships are painful but I keep "begging" to be there. To be acknowledged. Well one I have seperated from and I KNOW it is the best thing to do for me but if it is the best thing than why does it hurt soooo much. I am in a mental war with myself that yes it is the right thing but it hurts. Then I try to divert my attention so I don't obsess about it. Healing hurts! Does it get easier with practice?
Thanks~
Exhale

July 24, 2001
6:26 pm
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janes
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It hurts becasue as a codependent you have relied on the "wrong" thinking for so long that changing it leaves a void that YOU need to fill with healthy thoughts. Tough to do when you've been unhealthy a while. Almost easier to not change and settle for what you have always had...and the feeling of loss and emptiness.

Are you in a group? Are you getting counseling? Major components of changing and filling the voids with the healthy stuff.

Don';t just divert your attention...focus on what is hurting...why it hurts and what to replace it with.

Think healthy thoughts, find healthy firends

A Dr. Amen wrote a book recently..."Change your brain, Change your life" it goes into detail on thought terapy you can do on your own...

Good luck...yes healing hurts but it's better after!!

July 26, 2001
7:24 am
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exhale
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Thank you for your encouraging words. Someone in my family has been using manipulative behaviour and I have always fell for it. Now I told them that for me it is undeserving and no ;onger tolerable. Problem is the rest of family says it has always been this way and even though it is wrong why make such a fuss? Can't we just all be happy and get along? Why do I have to stir up trouble? My response was realtively calm. I told them that from this point on I find the behaviour abusive and I can no longer go with it. Please respect my well being as I have.
But....now my adult siblings are saying that is just the way Dad has always been and I am upseting the entire family. I find it interesting that family members are pushing the responsibility for abusive actions on to me! No wonder the abuse has continued for so many years. Why should it stop if no one is willing to allow the abusers conted with the ramifications of his own behaviour. They don't see it. I can now. Still hurts because they just don't get it and they are shaming me for me defending mysef or calling an elephant when I finally saw it sitting in the living room. So now I am the bad guy and the abuser is the victim! This is sick and I wish to hell it wasn't the family I grew up in. Small wonder I am still around.

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