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opening up
October 30, 2006
10:39 am
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white dove
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Ie been on this site for a while now and have read a lot of posts and see so many people open up and talk about their lives.

my question is how do you open up, what did you do to have the guts to talk about your issues.

i cant seen to open up even knowing that none of us know each other for real.
i have seen so many of you grow so much and the love and support you all give each other is awesome.

how do u all do it

October 30, 2006
10:46 am
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Simondo3573
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I think you have to get your pain out instead of keeping it in. Release it instead of bottling it up. Keeping it in it just sits and hurts and does not move. It does help that we don't actually know each other but we are real and human with real human feelings. I haver read many bad stories on this site and that helped me to tell mine. I have found it a great relief to tell my story and write down what I'm feeling here. I hope you can share your troubles here too may be you can say just a little first you will get kindness and support. Best Wishes my friend

October 30, 2006
11:00 am
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sleepless in uk
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Hi White Dove

For me it took a while, there is still much I havent been comfortable discussing. But I think the anonymity helps.

I find it easier to write my thoughts sometimes then it is to speak them.

Sometimes it can help if you write as if you are just writing to yourself, forget others are reading.

That helps me anyway

best of luck

October 30, 2006
11:00 am
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white dove
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thankyou for your post
i guess it is that all my life i have never really told that many people how i really feel and what has happened in my life. even my family dont know me, as in my mum and siblings,
i bottle everything up always have done. i get annoyed at myself coz i cant seem to let it out.
maybe one day i will, im just fed up with beating myself up

October 30, 2006
11:18 am
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atalose
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white dove

For you have already opened up to us. You were able to share that you have a hard time opening up. That's the start, welcome and hope you stick around.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 30, 2006
11:40 am
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Isis
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Welcome white dove. I've been visiting this site for a year now and still find it very hard to open up. However, I can honestly say that simply reading what others post has taught me so much and I have experienced growth deal of positive growth. This site is filled with wonderful caring people that are so willing to help. All you have to do is write. The rest will follow.

Best wishes,
Isis

October 30, 2006
11:42 am
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Isis
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I meant to say- I have experienced a great deal of positive growth!

October 30, 2006
12:00 pm
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ggfred4
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dear white dove, love the name!...felt I needed to respond to you...I started this site in June...did not type anything for two months, just read...then began to respond, but held back giving response and info on myself...what I am saying is that it takes time, and it will just happen when you can feel the trust and the safety here...I am very non-trusting and have major abandonment issues...I was afraid if I spilled, people would leave me and things would be worse...

As you participate more, you will find yourself attaching to people and feeling comfortable with people, at least that is what happened to me...this place is a lifeline to my sanity...it is what keeps me able to work and function in my family...I just spilled out my guts Friday night and still am crying...It was so hard, but I could do it because I had so much support here...I hope this helped you...And if you need someone to talk to, just ask for GG!

October 30, 2006
12:13 pm
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white dove
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Thankyou all for your posts and support
i will post more at some point, cant now, my son is home from school.

white dove

October 30, 2006
12:18 pm
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turnabout
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hey white dove. You're afraid of opening up, a VERY common fear. So, what are you afraid will happen if you do?

October 30, 2006
12:20 pm
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ggfred4
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white dove, have to come back and admit the truth, I am still afraid of admitting things and still afraid people will leave me...think it will take time for me to trust...don't know why....but if you want me to listen to you...I will!!!

October 30, 2006
12:25 pm
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armyleo
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white dove

Oh that name is a beauty...

ArmyAngel

October 30, 2006
10:15 pm
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white dove
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when i try to open up or say how i feel, no one wants to know. its like im a burden to them, i hardly ever try to tell them, and i get rejected. even i get laughed at or they change the subject. i want to be me and they wont let me. so i guess i will just stay quiet coz thats how they like it. yet im meant to help them with all their issues. i must be a nobody to them.

so if my own friends and family dont wanna know, why would anyone else wanna know.
theres only one friend that i trust and talk to and she helps me loads,

i guess i feel like if i talk i will be a burden or feel rejected

thanks for all the posts.

October 31, 2006
3:03 am
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Daeja
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I just posted my thread and I wanted to tell my whole story. But just can't do it all at once. My thoughts and feelings don't matter to my immediate family, so I think if I don't do this I will exploded.I MATTER TO ME. You should just take a deep breath and just type. Don't think, just type what you feel. You just asured me on the support that everyone gives. Just do it. Before you know you won't be able to stop.

October 31, 2006
3:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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white dove,

Let me say this, you say your friends and family don't want to know, why would anyone else? Well, because we KNOW your pain. If you looka round here long enough, you will find that there is almost not a problem that one of us does not have. Maybe my life isn't the same as yours, and maybe nobodys is. BUT, we care. We KNOW what it is like to NEED someone to listen to us, to make us feel validated, to care, and on and on. This is the first place most of us had that feeling. I started coming here in May. For the first time, I spilled MOST of what happened to me as a child. Left out the few pieces that I couldn't tell yet, and still haven't. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. It is hard to tell. I am sure that I will. Here, I believe that people care. I do. I have gained relationships here that I have never had. Sure, it is probably easier because you will never see me. I could pass you on the street tomorrow, and I would NEVER know it was you. But you had the chance to let it all out. You can free yourself from that burden of holding it all in. People can say anything that they want, but that is crucial to the sanity. It is holding you prisoner. If you would like, go up and where you can search for different threads, put in Diary of Scared. Pull it up and read it. There was a lot to keep in right there, but read the responses, read the genuine care and concern that came from the people here. This is a GIANT support group. You will find people that you learn to be comfortable with and people you honestly learn to care about. There are a few of us on the support side, that have all gotten VERY close. That has only been within the last couple of weeks. It is important to us. You will get all the supprt and then some that you need. As far as being able to let it all out. We can't be there, and we do not replace psychologists, BUT, we care, and we will listen to whatever you have going on, or have been through that is affecting your life. You talk when you are ready. Sometimes we get a little pushy. We know the importance of sharing it, and breaking free from those chains. It is because we care, and nothing else. Do what you are comfortable doing, but KNOW that we are all here, and know that we care. I hope you get comfortable enough to talk. I hope you can find the satisfaction in getting it out that a lot of us have. I will be thinking of you.

Mich

October 31, 2006
10:55 am
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Rasputin
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White Dove -

I am a transparent, vulnerable and honest person by nature. Due to my open personality, I did not battle with this area. However, it is still scary and we have to take risks in life.

I know many women who are invulnerable and unopen and want to continue to remain that way. Too bad for them.

Take this risk today of opening up to us. There are so many wonderful, warm and wise people here on this site who will accompany you in your journey to grow, develop and change into the human being you were designed to be.

I know taking Risks in life entails disappointment, hurt and pain and that's part of the process. However, there will always be some folks with whom you would feel a kind of...click, harmony, understanding....and that's what I was told in my program of emotional healing.

I've been taking risks in my daily personal life...and I have come across some jerks, losers from both genders...but I have also come across some angels, good and even wonderful & unforgettable folks.

TAKE THIS RISK TODAY...OF OPENING UP TO US!

Blessings, Ras~

October 31, 2006
5:22 pm
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white dove
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I just cant handle being rejected all the time.
IM a single mum of a 15 year old lad. split up with his dad when son was 9months old coz he was verbally abusive to me for years then i started sticking up for myself and the hitting started. i did not want my son being caught up in all this but also knew if i kicked him out he would make things so hard for me. so i waited till he knew i just didnt care about him no more and he moved out. the day he moved out it, i was so happy and loved being on my own with my son. but he tried to take mym son away from me and put him in a home coz he didnt want him and he didnt want me to have him coz i was happy. over 3 years he tried telling me what to do, he would have son every sunday and all he did was go to his mates and drink all day.
well after this he moved away which was a blessing, my son even at that early age didnt want to be with his dad. but ex still had this hold over me for many years to come, telling me what son should be doing trying to force me to make him stay with him for a few days even though son didnt want to go. got a lawyer involved and knew my rights, so it was juyst him being a jerk but it got to me. it was not till last yesr when he was visiting us that i stood up to him and told him hes nothing but a bully and im never one for shouting or anything i mainly just keep quiet, but when i told him he was shaking and was close to tears, i realised then that the hold he had on me was gone.

anyway the thing is coz i allowed him to bully me and have that hold on me for many years, i just could not go near a guy again, i tried a couple of times but realised i was scared of them, so for almost 15 years ive been on my own,

I have a disability now due to car crash and stress and my friends but 1 have left me, and that 1 friend is not a real friend, she just wants me when shes bored or wants me to take her to places, and coz of my illness i cant see her as much. so really im feeling rejected and lost and not sure what to do.
how do i move on.

thankyou for all your posts, guess i needed a kick start

October 31, 2006
8:00 pm
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Randomwomen2
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There is one frase that has helped me. Its you cant change what you dont acknowledge and the easest way for me to acknowledge what I do is by admitting it. Even if I dont have to admit it to anyone else I can admit it here and not be seen as less of a person for it

November 1, 2006
12:50 am
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Daeja
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I believe you love yourself enough to move on, but not yet healed enough for a new relationship. if so, love yourself enough to know even by yourself you are not lonely. Learn to enjoy your company and that vibe will attract new,company. The 1 friend you have sounds like mine. Don't stick to bad love,I like you are use to it to, but we shouldn't. You could have walk passed Mr. Right and didn't see him, for the "fear" its like a deamon. It won't make you happy. Try to put on something you like and go somewhere you like to go. But where you are is where he wants you to be.

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