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12:11 am
The other day at work I was talking to a coworker of mine and basically (I must cut to the chase) we were gossiping about my boss. We were not being mean at all- quite the opposite. It was just light conversation where I said something like "Yes, and (so-and-so) was there as well as some of his friends and they are cool people." So somehow we were saying how this woman seemed so sweet, and I said something that indicated that I assumed they were a nice couple (which was my impression). Well my coworker corrected me, said otherwise- and it led to a conversation where we were basically discussing things of a personal nature about my boss (which normally I have no interest in, and because he is so professional- no one really knows). This all makes me uncomfortable since I figure if he wanted people to know these things people would by now.
Anyway, we were just chatting it up and it was all good and comfortable, but now it kind of bothers me. I mean, I have no interest in my boss' personal life and I certainly hope that conversation does not get back to him.
I am probably just being paranoid because we work with another girl who is quite toxic. If my more sensible friend (who was speaking to me) makes more casual conversation in front of the "toxic girl" and includes my comments it will spread around and be twisted. Ugh, I guess gossip is gossip and I deserve to worry even though I wasn't saying anything negative.
Don't you hate that "I shouldn't have said that" feeling? Especially when at the time you don't feel you are doing anything wrong. I guess everyone does it. I just don't want to be the one talking about people who have nothing to do with me. YOu know what I mean.
So what do I do? Nothing right? It would only make matters worse to say "hey, we shouldn't have been talking about that!" I guess if anything like that comes up again I can say that to my friend, but for now it would just make it worse.
Does anyone know that saying about kicking up old dust or something like that? I forget how it goes.
-ella
12:22 am
September 24, 2010
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So you blew it! So what! Dust YOURSELF off!
You don't get to salve your conscience at the boss's expense by telling him.
But next time, tell your friend nicely, that, "I don't think I should be talking about anyone not present. I would simply hate to think anyone would do that to me."
LL
12:29 am
September 27, 2010
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What is done is done. There is nothing you can do about it now except for change what lies ahead. I would be thankful also that you know in your heart your weren't saying anything negetive, even though toxic people can twist things around, that was not your intention. Just avoid it next time. You are surely not the first person in that situation it just is not fun having that feeling that some one could twist what you have said and upset someone you respect. Hang in there 🙂
12:35 am
LL-
Yeah, it was yucky stuff. No I would NEVER conceive of discussing this with my boss! I feel weird enough that I said some of this out loud.
It's not the first time a coworker brought up my boss' personal business with me. I guess he's a mystery so that must happen often. Our "toxic" girl asked me once if I thought he was gay! I said NO but until I met (so and so- the lady I thought was nice) I never gave that part of his life much thought. Some people don't bring their outside life into the workplace. That was one of the things mentioned as well and I think that is particularly damaging.
Things that seem innocent at the time can be really hurtful in a game of "telephone." And who really knows who said what- just that these things were discussed at all!
Definitely, I should have backed out of the conversation early on. I was actually trying to do that, but upon doing so the conversation got complicated. Yuck. I hate those things. I'm kind of a social idiot, especially since I feel guilty about everything and obsess over shit.
12:37 am
Thanks Dandylion, I think that is the core of it. I do think highly of my boss, and one of the things I respect is that he is able to keep such a high level of professionalism. I can't say the same for myself or my coworkers! We are always talking about our business! Actually, it makes things less lonely, but there are problems with that if you can imagine.
12:40 am
September 27, 2010
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((mzrella))I also have a tendency to feel paranoid and obsess over details. There is good possibilty that the conversation you are stressing over has already been forgotton by the other party involved. Try not to stress over it but if it comes up remeber that your intentions were not bad, even if someone is trying to make them appear that way. Hopefully it was just idle chatter that will be soon forgotton.
1:44 am
September 24, 2010
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My brother-in-law lost his job by gossiping about the boss being gay.
1:52 am
Holy shit Lass, now I'll sleep a LOT better. I don't even think that about him. It was someone else that said it.
2:09 am
September 24, 2010
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ella-
I recently had a similar thing happen. I just pretended as to save the person more embarrassment, not to bring it up again. Wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't really bad gossiping. I just was telling someone something and he walked by as I was saying it. So, I decided that is not me. That is not my style. He knows it. I know it. So, live and learn. Don't do it anymore, and show him from now on that I am my usual self. It never came up again, and everything was fine. Just go from here, being your beautiful self, and learn from it...and stay away from that kind of stuff in the future. Keep your reputation at work impeccable. Integrity is everything at work. That is why I always worry about any appearance of dishonesty or doing anything questionable. You can sleep better at night taking the high road..it always wins out in the end, even if it takes a while. I would pour salt in the wound, unless you did something TOTALLY inexcuseable that needs serious forgiveness. Otherwise, best to let it go and show who you really are from now on, and let it be a one time deal. Now let it go. You seem to be worrying a lot about how people react to you. YOU ARE ELLA, the beautiful...remember?
2:09 am
September 24, 2010
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ella-
I recently had a similar thing happen. I just pretended as to save the person more embarrassment, not to bring it up again. Wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't really bad gossiping. I just was telling someone something and he walked by as I was saying it. So, I decided that is not me. That is not my style. He knows it. I know it. So, live and learn. Don't do it anymore, and show him from now on that I am my usual self. It never came up again, and everything was fine. Just go from here, being your beautiful self, and learn from it...and stay away from that kind of stuff in the future. Keep your reputation at work impeccable. Integrity is everything at work. That is why I always worry about any appearance of dishonesty or doing anything questionable. You can sleep better at night taking the high road..it always wins out in the end, even if it takes a while. I would pour salt in the wound, unless you did something TOTALLY inexcuseable that needs serious forgiveness. Otherwise, best to let it go and show who you really are from now on, and let it be a one time deal. Now let it go. You seem to be worrying a lot about how people react to you. YOU ARE ELLA, the beautiful...remember?
2:19 am
Thanks Nesh. Yeah, I worry what my boss thinks of me of course. But it is also a matter of just not wanting to be the kind of person that spreads around poison. And keeping my reputation at work impeccable is what is stressing me out. That's why this is a big deal.
What lass posted really shook me up. I'm really worried now. I'm not kidding that I'm gonna lose sleep. Not that I could ever be considered the source of that little question (the remark my coworker said about him being gay which I refuted). But you never know.
Oh I just want to be the part of me that's like Bartleby and never speaks about anything. (Except I will do my job and not say "I prefer not to.")
2:23 am
September 24, 2010
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ella-
u can focus on one experience that lass mentioned or you can focus on what I told u my boss didnt ever want to address it again. It is like when I get 30 course evaluations and one bad one and 29 great ones. the one bad one keeps me up at night. You have zero evidence this plane is gonna crash. no go take some anti-anxiety meds or something, and stop beating yourself up. If you had no remorse, you wouldn't be the impeccable person you are, and I bet your supervisor knows who you really are.
2:25 am
Nesh-
Hehehe. That's cute. You are sweet. Sometimes I really love the way you express yourself so directly. I need to learn from it!
Thanks.
-ella
2:31 am
September 24, 2010
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thanks, ella, you saw a glimpse of who I used to be, wish I could get her back. Thanks for allowing her to come out for a few. You are awesome. You helped me tonight be me even for just a bit. We are quite a pair. Too bad we are anonymous.
2:35 am
The late night mutual appreciation society! 🙂 Just kidding, I am being sincere in what I said, and I know you are the real deal.
You haven't lost your old self, you're just healing from some trauma. Certain parts of you are in the delicate state of "rest." The best parts are all intact, there are probably some new gems, and you will be back better than ever. Just look how you are pulling through the drama this guy is trying to create for you.
2:39 am
September 24, 2010
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Thanks, ella hunny bunny...and you know what...when they were all worried about you, i had faith you were okay. I KNOW you are that strong even in the darkest times. I felt you were just taking time off. I believed you were coming back. That whole thread about them worrying about u, although it is nice they cared, really upset me terribly. I just refused to buy it. I knew it was something else, no matter how bad you felt. I trust you when you say you are not going to hurt yourself.
2:44 am
September 24, 2010
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how gross do I feel? I just ate a half a carton of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia...UGH...this is a good thing. I am down to 99 lbs, but I feel gross! I need to go to bed.
2:52 am
Nesh-
Part of what happened with that thread about me was my fault for not expressing myself clearly enough when I was talking to Rasputin. Discussions about suicide are not taken lightly by most people and I should have realized that I should have been more emphatic in stating that I wasn't going to do it, that I had the self control, etc- I just tried it in the past when I felt that bad because at those times I had no coping skills. Talking about one's feelings is a coping skill, but I haven't exactly developed it to a fine art!
Thanks for having faith in me though!
Good night Neshema! I have to sleep too. I can rest better now that you made me feel more calm.
Don't worry about the ice cream! At 99lbs. that isn't something you should kick yourself over!
-ella
3:01 am
September 24, 2010
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okay, nite ella...hugs, my dear friend. Glad we bonded tonight. It was good. Sweet dreams.
Have a great day at work!
Neshie
12:54 pm
September 24, 2010
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Mzrella honey,
Hope you slept well anyway!
Sorry for the fear-inducing remark.
It is important to not engage in this behavior again with those two quasi-dangerous people though.
It is often the innocent bystander that gets hit, so stand away from them now.
My brother-in-law was all but sued for discrimination by his little slip of gossip for humor, as he was the manager of the produce department in a grocery. He has been black-balled now, after 20 years in the same job, and had to change careers.
On object lesson on being PC in the modern world, I guess.
LL
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