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Oops is comin unraveled
September 15, 2009
7:24 pm
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Do u ever just feel like you are falling apart and you don't even know why? I've been a mess these last few days...crying...getting majorly stressed out...easily angered. I mean we all have every day stresses..and maybe sometimes they just all add up and explode on ya..not sure..but i do NOT like the person i have become!

The hard part for me is..that you have friends who say you can tell them anything or vent to them..then when you do..they back away like you have the plague or that attitude is contagious. Maybe they don't like to see that weak side of you. Which is why I so often put on the happy face. But things just start to build and build up behind that facade. I just need to scream..vent..have someone to understand and not look at me differently at the end of the day. at least i feel like here..no one will judge me..because most have been thru it..or through similar things and even if they do judge...i don't get to see the instant results of scaring anyone off 🙂

so here goes...i'm dealing with so many issues of trust. I have two friends that i am stuck in the middle of. They both tell me things about the other..and rarely are they on the same page at the same time. But each has made me feel like the other isnt dependable. Not with any outright statements to that effect..but one will tell me one thing..the other another..and so i begin to wonder..who, if either, can i truly trust? The one friend B, has betrayed me numerous times already...she is one of those that if she gets personal info on you..you better believe it will be broadcast to others..i didnt learn this early enough with her. The other is a sweetheart..but seems hopelessly addicted to this B, therefore..sometimes ignoring me in the process..am i jealous? probably...but friend A means way too much to just walk away from..so i deal...not well sometimes..but i deal.

Then there are the friends i am just plain missing...the girlfriend..that needed time off to get her head together (boy do i need that) and still hasnt returned almost 3 weeks later. The best friend who was in a car accident..she is doing better..i think..but lives in another state and currently has no phone or contact..and the anniversary of my close friends death is coming up and that one still has a huge hole in me.

work is a constant rollercoaster of being overworked and underappreciated. I get stressed out at the littlest things and i am not sure if it is the job or me at this point.

so its funny because when my girlfriend took off..i so understood the pressure that she was under and the need to "run" away...i need that myself but don't have that luxury. I dont like that bitter girl looking back at me in the mirror..but I dont know what to do with her feelings. When i vent them...people run away...when i keep them in..its worse (iam physically sick even spilling all this here) Hopefully it will help to just release them like this.

I am a sweet and loving person and a great friend. yet i feel like people shit on me time and time again. When i start to stand up for myself and shrug and say i dont care..that only goes for so long. No woman is an island...i need new friends..a new life...a new me!

Advice..stories..about trust..friends...reinventing yourself will be helpful.

thanks for letting me highjack your ears..or eyes in this case.

September 20, 2009
8:54 pm
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bonni
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(((((ooops))))))

can't fully comment right now

September 24, 2009
3:12 pm
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bblue
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Oops how are you now?

BBlue

September 24, 2009
9:51 pm
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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awwww..thanks you guys for finally acknowledging this thread. I am doing ok...still have days where i think I am going to lose my mind. The friends are still being plbbbb...but i have no control really over that and the more i try to control it..the worse i feel. If they don't want to be in my life..then that is their loss. I miss some of them dearly and others i am struggling big time with trust, but I am needing healthier people in my life.

I find myself settling alot. There is a woman I have been interested in for the last 3 or 4months and vice versa. Since it is online only right now..we agreed to take it as it comes. But yet..those good old feelings always seem to creep into the picture. Because we have no formal commitment..it leads to very blurry lines. And i found out that someone else is pursuing her now and because things are casual with us, she is flirting and just enjoying it and i am jealous. yeah..that ugly word. But I can't really push her on it because we agreed to take it slow. Yet it hurts because i really care for her and i know she does me too. Maybe its just wrong to be involved that deeply with someone who is in the casual stage. I need to learn to chill on that kinda stuff. I dont think it helps that i can't trust too well right now due to the friends etc..

Work is still stressful but not sure if it is a direct result of my other stresses catching up or the ridiculousness that is going on there.

So i am getting away this weekend. Flying out of town and taking a 3 day breather. Just bought myself a brand new phone as well..so yay for me. Not sure any of these things will solve my problems but i definately need to destress.

I think being self aware is a great start for all these issues i am dealing with..now i just need to start facing them and not run from them..easier said than done. Thanks guys for your support..means alot.

September 26, 2009
3:54 pm
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bonni
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bump

September 26, 2009
4:00 pm
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bonni
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September 26, 2009
7:19 pm
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bonni
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i know its a lot of bumps right now, but a thread keeps popping over you and I don't want it to stay there.

Oh OOPS, life is kind of funny. I hope you are having a really great weekend away.

September 27, 2009
12:56 pm
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atalose
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I also hope you had a great get away!!!

I’m just thinking that with this “on-line” relationship, working on trust issues as well as jealousy might be kind of detrimental for you right now.

You have 4 months invested in someone who is telling you what you don’t really want to hear (casual, taking it easy) and those old unresolved feelings are coming to the surface.

I know for me working on trust issues I need to SEE in order to believe, you don’t really get that “on-line”.

As for the jealousy, as you stated maybe you are EMOTIONALY OVERLY INVOLVED with someone telling you a truth, a truth that may be too hard for you to accept right now.

This is the crossroad many of us codies come to, hang on to someone with HOPE that the situation changes in our favor while we continue to invest are every thing in them……..OR…….accept it for what it truly is, deal with the hurt and disappointment and move on.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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