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ooooooooooooouch ilsils needing support quick
February 3, 2005
2:48 pm
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ILSILS
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well guys, its finally comming to a head.
went over to pick up my daughter from the husbands last night. i was wondering why she was sleeping all day, not like her at all, well lets just say half of the cold med. i had left for her was gone! so pissed. then he got an unusual phone call (i suspect drugs) and after i asked him about it he freaked and threatened to call the cops if i didnt leave right away. so i left. then he called me last night to kiss ass b/c he needs me to be able to file taxes and he needs money. he is only nice when he wants something, im so sick of this. well then today he found thought he may get more by filling seperately so he told me he wanted to do that. well he was wrong, way wrong i get wayyyyyyyyyyyy more, so i called him and told him that if he wanted to file seperate fine, he freaked of course, told me he is using his money to file for devorce. yeah! saves me the trouble. not really too shocking, i know this may happen, just didnt expect it to be today! so im sitting here shaking, feel like i got knoked right off my rocker. im bewildered.

February 3, 2005
2:51 pm
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addicts wife
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ILSILS~~~~~~~~~~
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!! And is your daughter awake yet??? thats F-ed up...
TRY and just focus, on you and your daughter..

February 3, 2005
3:17 pm
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CAMER
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hi Ils, yes, take a deep breath, and know that things will happen the way they should.....HE seems to be more focused on HIM at this point, maybe its time for you to look out for you and your daughter and take care of you both now and not worry about what he does.

February 3, 2005
3:47 pm
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ILSILS
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man, i hate this feeling, no matter how much he has screwed me over in the past i still feel erged to protect him. i dont know why, why do i want to help him? i feel so sorry for him sometimes. so i am doubting weather i should split my return with him or not. why does he deserve it. why does my brain just not get it. why cant i be selfish for once!

February 3, 2005
3:48 pm
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mamacinnamon
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ILS

So sorry. I agree, sit back and breathe.

Did you document how much of the cold medicine was gone and the weird phone call, etc. If you are not already, document everything. Even if it seems insignificant for now. It'll be to your advantage later.

You knew this was gonna happen so don't let it take you by surprise. Use this time to regroup and decide what your next moves will be.

February 3, 2005
3:51 pm
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ILSILS
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i cant believe he actually threatened devorce! he was lucky to have me

February 3, 2005
4:10 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi ILSILS

I'm sorry your going through this. Divorce is always a painful reality I think, no matter how good it is for you in the long run. I'm not even married and I struggle with wanting to keep helping my ex and protect him, so I know that feeling of frustration. But all I have in the end is massive debt, and its STILL hard for me to pull away completely. I know in my case its because I have a lack of self-worth, value. I know I deserve better but I don't always feel it, know what I mean? I think the most important thing is to cover yourself now, get the most out of the situation, your daughter needs you, ovbiously you can't count on him, if she had half a bottle of cold meds under his supervision!! I hope you feel better after reading everyone's support:)
magga

February 3, 2005
4:13 pm
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Anonymous
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First of all it seems that the one thing you should be more concerened about is your daughter and the fact that he did that to her. Instead you are focusing on him wanting a divorce? You should be the one wanting a divorce before he could even say those words.

Stop this crap now. I mean he threatens to call the cops on you? And then he calls and is nice, Im sorry but he sounds like a major dick and if I could hunt him down and just kick the shit out of him I probably would. I would think you would have those same feelings from the crap he has not only done to you but your daughter as well.

February 3, 2005
4:24 pm
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Refuse2GiveUp
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Ilsils-

You have been nothing but the best to him, trying to help him all along, and he jsut seems so ungrateful. I am so sorry for all of this happening to you.

You said you are surprised cause you didn't think it would happen so soon, so it sounds like this was following a path leading up to what is happening now. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

It seems like such a struggle right now but I promise you that things wil get easier once this is all through. You are a strong person, don't forget that. And you have gone through so much. I know how you feel you want to help him, I do that so much. A few friends have been urging me to be more selfish, that it's okay to think of yourself and put yourself first. I hope that both you and I are able to do that.

Try to get some rest tonight. I will be thinking of you. Take care, Ilsils.

Refuse2GiveUp

February 3, 2005
5:25 pm
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whitelight
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oh Hon, document this with the cold med...report it, write it down. It may help you later with the divorce.

Also, write down everything you can remember about him being a crappy dad and husband. This will help you, too.

We know he can and will use your daughter. Let's protect her. Hopefully you can minimize his access to her, especially now that we know he does not have her best interests at heart--only himself.

Oh God--prayers for you & her.
lol

February 3, 2005
5:38 pm
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ILSILS
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just got off the phone, this call went much better. we were able to outline what each of us needs from the other for the devorce. we are righting it up and making an agreement that we bnoth can live with. its so weird, he came from devorce and yet hated it but sabotoged marrage, but when we have been "seperated" then he is totally different. we seperated once before and he was exelent. he paid me fairly ever week never missed a beat. and even wanted to spend time with his daughter. its like he has to rescue the poor single mother, but has no respect or desire to help the "wife" i dont know sounds pretty sick to me. my dad said something like he may be jealous of what he never had, thats why he sabotoges, but seperation and devorce he knows. he is motivated by that, he then feels sorry for his daughter and wants to make sure she doesnt sufer like he did. sad, very sad, but i guess that is the best type of ex husband i could ask for, the type that is the best when he is an ex. he is going to pay support and wants to keep her two days out of the week and every other weekend. good! its alot more then he does now. and i do believe him cause thats how he was before. i finally have givin up. we were never good as partners. much better as just friends. much much much better. so he agreed to do his taxes alone and let me keep mine. he knows i deserve it more. anyhow,,, im glad this is happening finally, atleast its a bigening. and we are finally somewhat on the same page.

February 3, 2005
5:41 pm
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Anonymous
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Ilsils- I am sorry you are going through this, I really am. And I hope that you realize that you deserve a lot more than he gave you. You have a good heart and I want to see it kept that way.

February 3, 2005
5:52 pm
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ILSILS
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thank you aces. im not really that sad that it has come to this. its more of a relief finally, ahhhhhhhh, relief. keepingg my fingers crossed.
chaio for now.

February 3, 2005
6:20 pm
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Be safe, and careful, you know more about him than we do. And don't be fooled by his crap. Your better than that.

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