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Online Woes? Or Much Ado About Nothing?
May 14, 2010
4:02 pm
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D dog
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So I met a nice guy online . (LOL - these threads always seem to start with the same sentence, don't they?)

In short - been dating for a month or so, all's well. The dating site we met on has a Forums page that I still go on, although my profile is "hidden", so I don't message or get messages from any guys. He knows this.

However, when I log on, the people who I have previously communicated with show up as either oonline, or "online today". So I know that he's online every day. And he doesn't read the forums, doesn't even know the link to get to them.

I am not a horribly insecure person, so I didn't really care about this. However, he more or less "went missing" last week (not from the site, just from contacting me), and called last night claiming to have been very busy with work. Fair enough. Then he asked what I had been up to - and I replied, Facebooking, site Forums, among other things...and he goes, "Oh, I NEVER go on that site anymore, I know you do the Forums, but I don't even bother with it, I'm seeing you, and blah blah blah.

Si I file this for future reference as he proceeds to suggest plans for this weekend, which I agree to, but of course I had "that tone" by then (you guys know the one!), so I get the classic "What's wrong?"...so I simply said - "I just don't know why you would lie to me about being on the site - you know I can tell that you are, every day."

The rest of it went like this -

HIM: Makes you sound like a stalker.
ME: Makes you sound like a liar.
HIM: Well at this point, I don't owe you any explanation.
ME: I didn't ask for one - just don't enjoy being lied to.
HIM: Well, it's none of your business!

<>

ME: Fair enough.

HIM: (arrogantly) Is there anything ELSE?!
ME: Nope.
HIM: Talk to ya later then. <>

Well, I was utterly furious at that point, but did nothing...we usually exchange youtube music clips on a regular basis, sent him one with no reference to the convo...response this morning via email was that he "crashed out early last night, have a nice day..."

So I emailed him back, saying that I was sorry that he was upset last night, but that I didn't understand his anger, nor did I appreciate being spoken to like that. No response thus far.

What is up with guy? Should I have let the lie slide?

May 14, 2010
4:54 pm
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autumn128
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D dog,

This is the problem with online dating. Once you start dating someone, it's a fine line as to what is right and wrong.

You have been dating this guy for a month. If you haven't had a discussion about being exclusive, then he has a right to be on there. After all, you still go on there. If you were exclusive with this guy, would you feel the need to be on this dating site? Even if it was to just read the forums.

Let's face facts. This guy is not just dating you. Ok. What's wrong with that if you are both not commited to each other? You see that he goes on the site and if you are honest with yourself, it bothers you. Why? Because he just went a whole week without contacting you.

On the other side of the coin he should have just been honest and said he still goes on there. He lied because he probably didn't want to hear you ask him why he's on there still.

The reality is that you are both just dating each other at this point. You have as much right to date others from the site as he does. Right?

You have only been dating for a month and he probably isn't ready to put all his eggs in one basket yet.

It sounds to me like you are more involved with him than he is with you. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he just may not be ready for what you are ready for. Clearly he has been busy with more than work if he has had time to be on the website.

You need to ask yourself what you want from him and then have this discussion with him. Ask him to be totally honest. If he can't be then move on.

Autumn

May 14, 2010
4:59 pm
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sexychoclady
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I agree with Autumn..I would leave it alone.It's like he has already been exposed,or if ur still interested let him come around.

May 14, 2010
5:29 pm
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D dog
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Thanks guys. Thing is, I'm not really THAT into him...not to the point where it's worth any sort of drama. He's just so touchy about EVERYTHING - like nervous and "on the edge" all the time...and overexplaining constantly...(except for last night)...I don't know... when I first met him he seemed really sweet and laid back...now it's like...hard to describe, he just gives off these weird guilty vibes...

Not to mention, Monday night he DID call (late, I was in bed), and left a barely intelligible drunk voicemail that I still don't get...I guess there are issues there, better to just back off and leave it alone.

May 14, 2010
5:42 pm
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StronginHim77
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1. I am betting you had sex with this guy.

2. Having gotten what he wanted WAY too soon, he is now trolling for fresh prey.

3. He has a drinking issue.

4. He lies.

Now, what exactly makes him the "nice guy" you describe in your opening paragraph? Oh. I see. The charm he turned on for a day or so to nail you in bed?

Face the facts. Next time, put a higher price tag on yourself and get to know someone thoroughly before exposing yourself to such callous rejection. Yes. You have been used and rejected.

Don't contact this jerk again. You've got his number. Look upon it as a Learning Experience of what NOT to do next time. And remember that MANY (not all, but MANY) of the men on these dating sites are looking for sex. Alot of it.

- Ma Strong

May 14, 2010
5:45 pm
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StronginHim77
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P.S. If I am wrong and he did NOT "get any," please accept my sincere apologies. I still think he is a jerk, due to his lying, trolling and drinking issues. Dump him anyway.

- Ma

May 14, 2010
6:06 pm
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sexychoclady
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Wow!! pretty strong ma.. I just saying. I know we all here cuz we not all there...

May 14, 2010
6:22 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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My husband and I had sex the first month..got engaged in two...married in six and been married for 15 yrs...we are pretty content and while things are not perfect...nothing is in life...we
happy!

May 14, 2010
6:37 pm
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LouWho
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Maybe I'm just an old fart, but this online dating crap is crap, pure and simple. If you can't meet a guy in the flesh, the old organic way, what makes anybody think that meeting them in a shielded environment simply designed for stealth contact and shady dealings is going to be any better??? DUH!

Ma is always right. Quite frankly, as women we need to begin to hold a higher regard and esteem for ourselves and the true power we wield. It is the power of the P****, the you know what, and when given away like a prize in a 49 cent box of Cracker Jacks, it is hardly of any value at all.

If you believe that you can live life like a man, put the value of sex down to a common animal act, then you must also learn to roll with the punches just like a man. You can not have it both ways. If we release our bodies to be used, they will be used, and harshly.

I have learned my lesson over the years, dog. You know, everybody likes to get a good value at a dollar store, but nothing you value highly has ever come from a dollar store. Think about it....there's a lot to be said in that sentence.

It has taken me years to realize this. Stop contact with this man immediately, I can smell the foul stench of loser through the screen. Move on, shore up your boundaries.

May 14, 2010
6:50 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I really thinks it depends on the man...my husband did not use me like a 50 cent hooker...

He loved me...he put down men who use the double standard and he did not think lowly of me...

Some men do not see women as cheap...or think that way...I am sure many do...but my husband never used me or thought any less of me...

May 14, 2010
7:00 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I think most liberal men do not label women this way...most conserative men I dated always had double standard thinking.

May 14, 2010
7:01 pm
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D dog
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I agree with Ma and Lou - but there are good guys out there like BFG's hubby...I have friends who have the same story and are still happily married.

Didn't find 'em on dating sites, tho...

Luckily I did not get emotionally involved with this guy, so I don't really care. I'm not sad or mad or anything. Vaguely amused, actually.

Here comes the classic line: "I thought he was different!"

Oh well. His loss.

May 14, 2010
7:05 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Good way to look at it...yes online dating is deceiving....usually.

May 14, 2010
7:14 pm
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sexychoclady
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Well i am a member of a dating site too. I don't know where i will meet someone for me. Just a option,hey i don't have it altogether but that is why i came back to this site,there is some pretty good advice given on these blogs and i respect that. Jumping to conclusions is exactly what brought me back to this site.All i am saying is i am sensitive and i don't want to feel like my sharing is duh,stupid,or i should know better. If i knew better i would do better.I feel know one is always right.I would like to be the woman God intended for me to [email protected] god speed!There is enuff room for everyone to share,i earn my space on this site! And pay my dues!

May 14, 2010
7:18 pm
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D dog
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You're right SCL - hey, if I had it all together and never made mistakes, I wouldn't be on this site either...well, I would, but I'd be able to GIVE good advice like Ma.

I don't believe we've met before - I'm glad you're here, and looking forward to your sharing...no mistake is so bad that it cannot be overcome with good friends and good faith!!

May 14, 2010
7:19 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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No one has it all together lady...its hard to meet people...esp when your older...I met my hubby through a newspaper ad cause all the men I met in bars...only wanted seX from me...and cause I needed approval and love...I fell for it..for awhile anyhow....

May 14, 2010
7:21 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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And fyi...no one person on this site or in this world is omnipotent...impossible!

May 14, 2010
7:45 pm
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My 2 cents D dog.
I think you should drop it. You seeing that he has been on is making you a little mad or so it seems, well maybe more of the wtf. You aren't really interested, so why waste your time?

As far as sex goes women who keep it to themselves longer are the better catch. It is easy to go out to a bar and get some, and that is sad. That makes me think daddy issues right there.

I myself rather have a woman who can walk tall and hold that out for a while, not to long, but not right away. Make me work for it so to speak. IF she is giving it in easy for me, makes me wonder how many time the ride has been riden. Also if she has to dress like a slut well that is not any long term material. Same thing if she doesn't eat on a date. Got to be real Ladies.

But back to topic D Dog just leave it be. I would t waste your time no matter how amusing since you will only get hurt the longer you stick around.

May 14, 2010
7:51 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Billy...

Do you realize that many of those kind of women...whom you just trashed post here? You even seem to understand why and yet you posted that?

May 14, 2010
7:54 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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For the record...before I had met my husband...I rarely had sex at all...most men dumped me for NOT having sex...thank god my husband was not so hung up on a madonna/whore complex.

May 14, 2010
7:55 pm
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I am sorry Barefooot. I guess I kind of didn't I don't know. I am sorry. Didn't mean to offend anyone.

May 14, 2010
7:57 pm
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Barefoot I have been a male whore lately , wlel not so lately but yea. Ya'll can tear me up for that if you want.

I was just giving my perspective. Some dudes look for that, not me, but a lot of guys do.

May 14, 2010
7:59 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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So you admit your an hypocrite?

May 14, 2010
8:00 pm
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Nope. I think it is just as bad when I did it. I went a little crazy for a min and went against my beliefs after I got broken.

May 14, 2010
8:02 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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No...I don't want or need to tear you up...I do not repay meaness with meaness...however you did show who you are...to me here loud and clear...

So if a woman does what you do...you have no respect for her and think less of her but it's a ok for you?

Really?

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