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Online Dating
April 24, 2007
4:37 pm
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Slient Jaguar
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I have posted my profile online seeking for a date. I tested myself to see how many responses I could get from men. I found some interesting information what I have learned so far.

I have posted my first profile that I am currently single with no children and have a bachelor's degree. I also put the info about myself. I did not get many responses so far.

Then, I posted my second profile. I changed the info about myself. I mentioned that I have two children, no degree, and average. I got more responses from this second profile.

I just wonder why it does happen? Do you think most men like to date women who are less educated than men are?

April 24, 2007
4:50 pm
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Loralei
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As a woman, I have always preferred men with equal or higher levels of education. Perhaps it's a matter of like seeking like. More than likely the men feel that they will be automatically rejected by the more highly educated females so they don't waste their time.

April 24, 2007
5:30 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I know my master's degree has intimidated men before but the ones that weren't intimidated were some of my best relationships. I dated a guy who was a welder while i was teaching at the University of Alabama. he was great guy, smart and talented.And he taught me that a guy doesn't have to have a degree to be interesting to talk to.

April 24, 2007
11:16 pm
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fantas
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I am working on my Ph.D and it literally frightens the men away. Or they feel the need to speak sense and impress me. Very comical, the one up manship. However, I have a friend who is a Lawyer and she married a construction worker and they have their first child now. He adores her and they have been married 8 years. Another friend is a teacher and she married, a techie, no high school GED but really wealthy and he just adores her...there are guys who just love you for who you are and when I get my codependent s*** together, I'm gonna get me one of them adoring guys:. SJ, Put your profile like you want to, the right person will come to you. You don't want any insecure guy:). Happy hunting:)

April 24, 2007
11:48 pm
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Anonymous
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I hear ya. I have a PhD and am a professor, and they say very cute. I can't even stand profs, cuz they just want to prove they are smarter.

As for online dating. I am the poster child for horrific experiences. You can read my experience on the "Darn Dating Thread" on 4/19 (I think).

I won't get in a car with a man. Too bad, cuz I am not into chicks.

April 25, 2007
2:13 pm
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taj64
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If you are an older woman, then some men that have already been divorces or have children would prefer to date a woman who is experienced with children and know what it is like to raise children. That is my theory. The other theory could be that it is just a stroke of luck that at that time many men responded and did not on the other one. It may have nothing to do with one or the other and could have involved timing. Spring is active time for people to connect and earlier things are slow. It also could be that there are men out there that don't have a degree and want a woman that doesn't because of an ego thing. But eventually the guy that you relate to the most will win out. I have tried internet dating myself. I don't want to go that avenue at all. Most of it is a a waste of time and most of the guys are not what they appear to be. You're better off being happy with yourself and then eventually you might meet someone when you least expect it.

April 25, 2007
3:07 pm
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Slient Jaguar
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Thanks for all of your advices!

Thank you, taj64 for your best advice. I agree with you that we shouldn't expect anything from online dating websites. Meeting through friends is the best way to find a great guy. Wish me a best luck in this endeavor.

I wish the best luck to all singles on this website. šŸ™‚

April 25, 2007
5:30 pm
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Anonymous
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I guess you didn't read my post. You really would do yourself a favor to read it.

well, be safe. I don't know how you can be. I am street smart (lived in a lot of big cities...had dated a lot), and an awful thing happened to me with online dating. PLEASE read my post.

April 25, 2007
5:42 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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When I was single I had 3 answers for men who asked me what I did for my job. If I never wanted to see the guy again I said, "I am a professor at the University of Alabama." It always worked. If I liked the guy and wanted him to like me for what I was I said, "I am an English teacher." If I really wanted the guy to not feel intimidated i would say 'I teach."

got some interesting dates that way.
Right now my husband has an Associates degree and I have a master's . We have great conversations and We respect each other's knowledge of various topics. I never correct his grammar and he smiles indulgently when I looke confused when he talks about how computers work.

April 25, 2007
6:47 pm
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lonely and addicted
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My experience with online dating has been good. I haven't read P&L's post yet but will. I am currently seeing someone that way (online). I have met some wierd people yes, but none I have never talked to again. It can be scary true and I suppose it can be bad. I wonder if alot of people out there are just wanting someone like we do though. Someone always know where I am, who I am with and any info I may have. Once I had a friend call me 45 minutes after we met, I told her if I didn't answer the phone....worry. She called but I was fine. It's a good personal experience and may not be for others like P&L. Just be careful

April 25, 2007
8:48 pm
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Anonymous
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If you are too busy IMing the online guys, I'll just sum up the whole story, which is posted re: online dating. I am smart and street smart.
So in a nutshell:

I met a convicted felon.

A serial rapist.

April 26, 2007
2:15 pm
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reachingout
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I think no matter how you meet someone you have to very careful you could meet a crazy person,rapist,con in a grocery store always keep your guard up and get to know them in public places meet somewhere don't allow any stranger to come to your home...DATE SMART...

April 26, 2007
5:24 pm
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lonely and addicted
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Ok, P&L that really hurt!!! I do not IM men, I go to school and work along with three kids,,,,,,,I don't have time for that.
I am so sorry about what happened to you but I did not cause it, I was just commenting on the fact that I have not had a problem with meeting a the few men that I have from the internet.

April 26, 2007
5:36 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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P&L,

There are guys out there just like us looking for someone to date. Someone out there to have fun with. While yes, there are some crazy men out there, there are also crazy women. THEY ARE NOT ALL BAD. P&L, just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean that everyone will. I am sorry for your pain...but, you can't force that onto everyone. People here talk about wanting to meet everyday. A counseling website? Where everyone has emotional issues of one form or another. Would it concern you to meet me? Or Lonely and Addicted? Or anyone else here? I KNOW in my heart of hearts that there are some WONDERFUL people here. I would love to meet many...and you know what? There may be one here that would be a BAD choice to meet. We can't be sure that you or I aren't that one? But you can take a chance in this life...or you can sit back and watch it go by. There are safe ways to this stuff. Yes, SHIT happens...to all of us. But, to each their own. One person, or 50 reading your story may save someone. BUT, it can also stop a lot of happiness for people too. You have to look at this from BOTH sides.

My opinion..for what it is worth at this point...go for it. But be careful. That is the same advice I would offer you if it were a man you had bagging your groceries at Wal Mart. There is NO difference. Be safe, be careful, and most of all....ENJOY THIS LIFE.

Mich

April 26, 2007
7:05 pm
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My post was not to scare anyone, or directed at any specific person here. I love all the sharing here. It was to tell my story and alert you to fully check them out. You can check the sexual preditor website for free. You can bring you cell phone and ask a friend to call u at a specific time to make sure u r okay. Yes, what happened to me is unusual. I used to date as a sport....harmlessly. It could happen with someone I meet in person, of course. It is just that online dating IS a playground for sexual predators and married people. I did date smart. I never met the guy. I never even responded to him. HE TRACKED ME DOWN. THe good news is the probability of that happening to me twice is small. The bad news is I am afraid to date at all (and am getting help with it). I know of several people who met their spouses online. I am sad it is not an option for me anymore. I didn't tell u so you would hide like I do. I told you so you knew one of the stories that wasn't such a success, and so you can be prepared - over-prepared. We all want happiness and to be adored. I hope you all find the right guy, and I hope I do too. In my case, it is going to be very hard now...yes, I am very smart..I outsmarted him. He never raped me. He confessed. I am street smart and book smart, but the police wouldn't even let me go buy toilet paper alone for months. The truth is no matter how smart we are, how much self-defense we take (and I was trained by cops), we must be mindful that we live in a dangerous world where we are the weaker (but can be smarter) sex. We have a place here, and every right to be happy. Wish me luck so I get to the point where I can get in the car with a man again someday. I want companionship, and I understand that very well. Just be EXTRA careful...we usually hear only about the success stories and see my experience on TV. It happened in real life and it was devastating, but I am working on getting over it, and wish you all the happiness in the world. P&L

April 26, 2007
7:47 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Jag

I did some dating through the personals, and I would say overall it was not a bad experience. Because I don't attend a church, or go to bars, it was difficult for me to meet men. I just used the personals to make contact, and decide if I wanted to give that person my email addy and IM addy.

I never posted my picture on the personals. I posted on my profile that I would send it if asked to.

I was very leery of anyone that wanted to talk about sex right away. If someone did not answer my questions in a direct way, I proceeded with caution. I would not use the webcam, because personally I think it's creepy - there were men that asked me to turn on the webcam and take off my shirt. Good Lord. No telling what they would do.

If a man was a gentleman with the email and the Messenger, then I would agree to meet him in a public place. If I met someone at night, I told a friend where I would be, I drove my own car, and I paid for my own meal. I had that friend call me after an hour, and if I was having a good time, I would stay, otherwise I lied and told the man I had to go. If I stayed and we agreed to meet again, only then would I give him my phone number, I did not get in the car with him, and I would not go to his house until I felt comfortable doing so.

I am very sensitive to a bitter angry man- like my ex-abuser, and anything that reminded me of him was a red flag enough for me. I was outta there sometimes before the hour phone call. I am very attuned to that type of man.

I met some nice guys, and I met some weird ones. The ones I met were ones that also found it difficult to get away and meet nice women. I think there are all kinds out there, so I looked at it as a learning experience, and tried to approach it light-heartedly. I met a few people and I got to try out new restaurants.

I agree that there is a type of man that is intimidated by a woman with more education than he has. I wouldn't want that type of guy, because I believe that insecurity would take other forms in the long run if I had a relationship with him. I met one guy that I really liked, and we emailed for about a month, and he told me he decided not to meet me because he wanted a woman who would be a mother to his kids, and I just seemed too busy to do that. At least he was honest. That might be why you got more nibbles with the second profile.

Good luck to you.

April 30, 2007
1:51 am
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Slient Jaguar
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I am back now..You all have posted great advices. I am aware about be careful when I am meeting a guy in public. I always check with him to see his pictures. I did not post my pictures on my profile at all. I did meet a few guys online before, but the chemristy is't there when I met them.

I have a few friends who got married from online people and they have been staying in a relationship. Maybe it is not great for everyone, just some people who are comfortable with online dating.

I just decide to do things on my own and be happy with my life. Just let the right guy comes to me someday.

April 30, 2007
3:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hey all:

I will admit I only read about halfway down this thread and I jumped here to the bottom. I have a few things I would like to say.

First, P&L, how are you? I do hope your health is better. šŸ™‚

I will admit that it doesn't matter whether you date online or if you date a guy in the next town over, there are good guys and there are nuts everywhere. Example: I dated my first hubby 2 years and then spent the next 12 in horror. I dated hubby now for 5 months and we wed. He's been good to me for the most part other than the drug addiction he flat out lied about when we discussed things before we married. He says he thought he could quit and he couldn't. I will give him that since when he has fallen the many times over in the last very soon 15 years he has gotten back up and tried to stop again.

I have known many that have dated online. Most of them were not good experiences, 2 or 3 were terrifying to say the least, and 3 or 4 married and are doin ok, not great, but ok. Yes, you do have to be careful no matter local or online, but online leaves much more room and makes it a whole lot easier to be someone you are not.

My oldest daughter put her profile up on one of the dating sites. She calls one day and tells me her friend is coming to the us to meet her and her family. She wrote the letter for him to get his tourist visa. Red flag one... she wrote a letter and had no clue if he was ligit or not. She was smart enough to pay a PI to tell her his passport was on the up n up. I caution her against this but she tells me they have been talking every night via IM w/ webcam and mic or 3 months.

The blessed, not, day gets here when he arrives in the US. She picks him up and he stays w/ her from night one. We had previously agreed he'd stay in a motel for the first 3 nights minimum and I offered to pay. Nope, they were to tired to go check him into a motel. Stupid on my daughter's part; caddish of him.

He was to be here 10 days and then go home. He came and met the family and is very polite, shy, nice, a guy I do like and would like for my daughter. We had dinner at her house next and he sat on his computer talkin to his buddy the whole time. My daughter's excuse is he has to talk to them while they are awake coz they live in ****. Yeah, I have a best friend over there and we talk EVERY day and not during dinner. Also, he's done nothing but sit at her place while she works anyway. Red flag 2. I heard him tell his friend he was not gonna be back there again. Red flag 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. I almost had to get up and go outside so I didn't spit right there in front of everyone.

The day he was to go home I called and asked what time he was to leave. My daughter informs me he is not goin back and they filed for a marriage license the day before and would be married in 2 days. My red flags just went into a full red sky coz I saw nothing but red.

I got on my computer and on my phone and started doin my own research. I found that his country is very poor and everyone wants out. I found out that for bein of the profession he says he is that he is not acting accordingly. I found he has no ties over there; parents dead, aunts and uncles he doesn't see much.

When my daughter kept saying something about transferring his money here I asked if there was a problem that he maybe needed to go back and sign for. She told me what he has is none of my business. Excuse me, but I did NOT ask that. So, me bein me I told her I'd like to know if he can support her so does he have money or not. I didn't every ask for a figure. Still none of my business. Sorry but where I come from you may as well fill out an application before asking for a girl's hand. Oh, he didn't ask for that either. When I inquired my daughter told me to "get w/ the times". My daughter and I get into a huge blow out over all this. She gets a bit big for her britches and since I'm mom then I'm just stupid, oh but mom I need $250 for the park. wrong.

Third time we meet the guy he has a major chip on his shoulder and only spoke to, but was polite, when spoken to. I found out my daughter stupidly repeated to him every thought spoken by any one of family or friends to him. That since we are all concerned "against her" for her then she just sits and cries during the supposedly most happiest time in her life and he get very angry at all of us. Then I am informed when she called for more money and I said sorry, you owe me an apology, that there will be things none of my business and I need to get used to it. Now ladies, and gents, I have never been an overbearing or tyrant of a mom. I let my kids live and they have their consequences for the most part. I will talk w/ them and give them instruction when they ask for and at times just need it. So this none of my business thing just floors me.

Ok, I have gotten off the subject here, please excuse me. Maybe even pertinent if any of you see this change in your own. My daughter and I have always been very close and she talks to me about everything. Now I am getting this. I am seeing major signs of alienation and two of her best friends will not even speak to her.

So, to close, a wedding is set for July 21. No I am not happy but I will accept it until something comes up if it ever does. If not I want nothing but happiness for my child. Oh, one thing I forgot above is that I had told her I was "prepared" to stop the previous wedding if they had not decided to wait. Not for any reason other than to protect her. I was willing to have my child never speak to me again to keep her from a life that seems to be evolving. They decided to wait so I am ok.

This guy is not for who he says he is showing any of the religious requirements they put on wives. He is not showing of what I read his culture are as men over women, etc. Things just do not add up at all. My daughter does not add up anymore. Am I upset, yes. Will I stop the next wedding? No, not unless there is something terrible that comes up. She will have what she wants and she will know the lines to us will always be open. I do feel she is in way over her head tho.

So..... am I saying online dating is all wrong, NO. Neither was P&L. She was simply giving you a warining as to her circumstances, as am I. Let me ask how many of you moms would want your daughter to live what P&L went thru or what my daughter seems to be getting involved in without stepping in to stop it. Or that would not say "why didn't anyone say anything?" No harm meant here, just thought maybe the words of warning might be worth reading. Hope ya'll agree.

Enough said.

May 2, 2007
4:42 pm
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Anonymous
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First, The Wall-

Thanks for the compassion. Very much appreciated.

Second, Mamac- I will write about how I am doing on a separate thread.

THird, this is a worthwhile discussion that I would like to continue, as I am finally facing what happened to me staight on and hoping to feel safe and like a survivor and begin to date again some day.

Thanks to all those who chimed in with various opinions. It helps me no matter how you see things. I like to consider it all.

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