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one step forward, three steps back
February 10, 2000
5:08 pm
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gpsurveyor
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I took the step to see the doctor when things got really bad, very glad that I did that. I have been put on anti-depressants - still waiting for them to kick in but I have one good day and then I feel the downward slide for no real reason but can't stop myself until I hit rock bottom again. It just feels as though I am not getting anywhere and losing friends for going through the same old story. Does this sound familiar?

February 18, 2000
9:43 am
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site coordinator
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Yes, this is completely familiar, and you are in the majority.

Recovery/relief/help, comes in stages and cycles, twists, ups and many downs.

You can't give up on yourself, and those who have been where you are and made progress will tell you the same thing. It's what you have learned and are able to incorporate that you never loose, even during the downward slides.

Even a full recovery means good and bad days. But everyone has the magic to re-frame even a bad day into an okay day, and a good one if you're good at it.

Keep us updated.

SC

February 20, 2000
5:30 pm
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Hi there!
hi SC..long time no see..i hope ur doing fine.

For me, previously (like 2 years ago maybe) i was almost always feelings bad ...almost all the time. Now I have seen there is a consistent pattern for my ups and downs. Exactly as gpsurveyoer said i'll wake up one morning and i'll just hate life. I'll hate ANYthing which reflects myself. For example i'll see a note which i wrote yesterday and i'll sort of detest and hate that note. HEre's my watch lying on the desk and i looked at it and i felt even more bad. I know it sounds funny.

its so stinking. I really dont know WHY i'm feeling bad about myself. Then i just said to myself that today's one of the bad days. Then i say to myself, are the REST of the days 'good'?
Not much but they are better. Still not what i would WANT them to be like.

This pattern of ups and downs is so consistent. Bad day, ok day, bad day, good day, bad, day, bad day.....

I've been seeing someone now for sometime but i dont know how it is going to help me and i feel that it just isnt doing any good and that its useless (i know ppl will say ur wrong, it'll work..). but thats what i feel at this moment.

I'm just so worried that i'll keep seeing this pattern always forever. This is so terrible. Although i have moved from almost consistently bad to consistent ups and downs since the last 2 years. maybe i need more time. i dont know. it just seems consistent thats whats worrying me.

When will be i consistently feeling good ??

Whatever anyone will say to me now wont make any difference (or do i feel that way?)..i dont know...
and i must say i keep saying this 'i dont know' ...
i know its a negative statement. i'm just feeling very bad at this moment please excuse me. i dont know ...oops sorry 🙂

damn i hate this ... sorry

i just wanted to tell that my ups and downs are so consistent and that worries me so much. will i ever be happy forever?

February 20, 2000
6:26 pm
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guest_guest,

I'm doing pretty good, thanks for asking. I took some time away and went to Cayo Costa Island in Florida. Cleveland weather has been cold and dreary as it usually is in winterl, and the break was good. Vacations help keep me on track, and bring more perspective for me.

I hear you when you say "Whatever anyone will say to me now wont make any difference (or do i feel that way?)"...

for many of us, hopeful words have 10x more meaning when they come from within. We have to 'know' ourselves that things will work out rather than hearing the hollow words from someone else.

2 years seems like a long time huh? But it sounds like you have learned a lot about yourself in that time (maybe all not so favorable, but I believe that news about ourselves only helps us pick better paths in the future).

It can take a lot of trying and learning, then forgetting, before we re-learn how to feel and react in helpful ways (new coping), rather than in the non-helpful (old coping) ways.

BE GOOD TO OURSELVES! TREAT OURSELVES AS IF WE WERE TREATING A SPECIAL GUEST WHO WAS VISITING FOR THE WEEKEND.

- SC

February 20, 2000
6:53 pm
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guest_guest
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thankyou.
lol....special guest ...special guest_guest...right 🙂 ..ah ...

February 21, 2000
12:51 pm
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thanks again ...
nice idea...trouble with me is that almost all ideas i practice last only for a short while. Then ...i slip back
but i'm trying ...and hopefully i will not stop trying

February 22, 2000
4:36 pm
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eve
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Guest, gpsurveyor,

I think that, although the three steps back might feel like going back to square one or even worse, really they arent. Because we all change constantly. This can mean that we outgrow old coping strategies and have to find new ones. But it also means that we never, never have to stay in a bad situation for ever. I try to see it optimistic: When things can change for the worse this is kind of proof that they can also change for the better. And when things don't change at all we are not very alive.

Keep changing (and when we're really good at changing we will be able to steer these changes where we want to go, until then we have to make do with the occational unpleasant long way round). Eve

February 27, 2000
5:50 pm
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gpsurveyor
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Thanks SC, guest and eve,

Since I started this thread I had a very bad weekend last week where I thought that I was back at square one. Having a bit more of a rational mind, I realise that I wasn't that bad. However, I tried to turn it around by recognising that, at least, I had made progress. As things weren't as bad as they were a couple of months ago, I began to tell myself that I will be able to get out of it again. The worse thing that I did was to shut myself away again. I thought that people wouldn't want to hear me complain that things were quite bad again (bearing in mind I had tried to go around with a brave face so they thought that I was getting out of it). I couldn't have been more wrong. Having had two days off work I went back and spoke to someone over lunch. Things started to make a bit more sense and I beagan to think what a waste of a few days. I know that I will still slip back but as long as I have patient people around me who will listen and help, it can't be that bad.

February 27, 2000
6:21 pm
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janes
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IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD!!! That's true. If you have been through some bad stuff, kinda bad, really bad, horrifically bad. then ...you can get through this. Try to lookhonestly at HOW you LOOK at life..Is the glass half empty or half full? Is the day half bad or half good? Is this minute, this hour this breath half bad or half good.

don't dweel on making it through a year!!! Dwell on making it through the moment....and build on that...

From each moment comes more time. Practicing positiveness each moment will (may ) lead to practicing it for an hour. Half a day and so forth.

We each make our own reality...choose how your reality is going to be. It is a definite choice you make...
Ups and downs are normal to the most normal person.... things change constantly. The only thing you can be assured of is change. Within and without yours is the choice as to how that change will affect YOU.

Pick a moment and enjoy THAT MOMENT!!!!

SMILE AND HAVE FUN IN EACH MOMENT YOU HAVE

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