Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Once stalked, always stalked
May 21, 2004
1:22 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Where do I begin? Where it started, or where it is now?

Where it is now, I guess, kuz I'm in tears, and need to vent. The history just isn't as important as the now.

a month ago, he files to relax the restraining order. Basically gets told to go away and shut up.

i get a letter from his NEW employer stating that as of 3 may,he is employed with THEM. Call so and so if ya have questiions I call so and so. To find out that HE requested they send this letter so that in case I wanted child support, I could have my attorney draw up a new wage garnishment. I tell her I don't have an attorney on retainer anymore and HE knows that.She tells me that I can send a copy of the garnishment to yada yada. I don't what she is talking about.

So I figure- well, this is HIS responsibility. If he neglects to pay support maybe that will constitute a violation of his probation. I dunno. But I'm not gonna step in and take over- what happens, happens. Then, yesterday, I get a check from his OLD empployer for hald of the support due for May. What the @#$ is going on?

Visitation becomes a nightmae for my kids. One kid, who is so much like me, gets the brunt of it all. She needed shoes. I said wait until payday- about 3 weeks. he bought her a pair of 40 dollar shoes. She was thrilled. The next visitation, she is given a list of all these things to do, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, do his laundry, mop the floor, etc., to pay off her "debt", which is 60 dollars kuz of taxes and interest. She works a whole weekend but since she didn't finish, still owes him 60 bucks. Then she is completing a report at his house- she just needed to print kuz I did not have a printer- she goes online to get a picture for it and apparently downloads a virs on his "new thousand dollar computer". He goes psycho, rips up her report, screams at her about plagiarism, and the next morning I take off kuz she's hysterical coming home- to type up the rought draft for her so she can turn it in kuz it's a month's worth of work and due that day. She had it on disk but he would not let her bring that home.

The kids came home from visitation (it's every Thursday night and every other weekend) and tell me that his mother wants to know how to contact me to arrange for them to go to her house (in another state) this sumer for a couple weeks. This woman has cheated me, threatened to take custody away from me, lied to me, stolen from me- ina nutshell. She has enabled her son's abusive behavior. I was wife number three, with the same complaint of abuse as the others. I mean, c'mon. To get the kids out of the middle, I tell them to have her call me on my cell. She knew she was not supposed to contact me- she was at the trial and heard the sentencing- she has my address and e-mail; and home phone and cell phoe- she used them before- but she wanted permission and used the kids to get it. She called, she asked if the kids could come with her this summer and I said no. Just simply no, take care, goodbye. Minutes later the kids call me from his fiance's house upset. come home claiming that I'm "refusing to permit them to have a relationship with their aunts and uncles and cousins". hey- two years ago, I offered to pay half so they could go and their grandmother refused. hey= they always come out here in the summer anyways. So what's up with this "I gotta have the kids now" thing? I don't trust his family. need I explain why? That was a week and a half ago. Yesterday the two girls were taken out of class for a child protective services investigation. A claim of child abuse has been filed against me. A claim that says I pull their hair, kill their animals, make physical contact. These are serious allegations.

I know this claim will go unfounded. That's not the point. I'll never be told who filed this claim. I'll never be able to prove he's still stalking. it was him, his mother, or his fiance. Supposedly they are getting married this summer. I can't tell you how much I've prayed for this, and then how much one must be careful about what ya pray for. She owns a 800 thousand dollar house i a city about 2 hours away, is gonna sell it, move here, pay about 500k for a house here, and then monster will have about 300 k to fuck with me with. Her daughter, 15, is supposedly enrollling in the high school where I teach. wee-ha.

It doesn't end there. I get a call from our therapist's secretary. Monster has to by law provide medical insurance. Well, he got the cheapest plan, and I'm already biting the bullet for 150 bucks- different story- I'm biting it. This call was for counseling that I had the girls in. Monster got a check from the insurance company. Turns out he pocketed the money. I'm liable for 240 bucks. victim witness won't pay kuz insurance paid. This secretary is working with me, and we'll see what happens. She called tonight kuz monster called her and was extremely irate and hung up on her.

Think it's over? NOT. I'm a teacher and heading up a float project for a parade this June. Monster tells the kids he's helping ourimary opponent as a part of his community service requirements for his probation. Minor, but not very funny.

he got convicted last December. Did that help? No, he got smarter. Just smarter.

Yeah, I'm doing what I can. Documenting things, writing a letter to probation and the prosecutor for his periodic domestic violence review in june. Can the system do anything?
I've a feeling-NOT

free

May 21, 2004
7:27 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free,

I have to get ready for work, I was doing my "on-line banking" beforehand, and had a funny feeling to look here for a minute. Glad I did.

Let me have my husband read your message when he get's home, and let's see what we can brainstorm.

Try to keep this in mind about the fiance moving... unless she has a butt-load of equity built up, she will only have a smaller mortgage payment. I'm sure the money left over will go to paying what is left of he legal bills and fines. But, yes, still he will now have more money, just not the flat 300K.

Is there anyway that you can just send the SOB a check for your daughter's shoes? Also, tell your children that YOU will provide what they need, they are not to accept anything (except birthday and Christmas) like that from him ever again. I know that stinks, because again it leaves you holding the bag - BUT your childrens mental health is at stake.

Other than that - turn him in and have him arrested. Then, set up his payments through the courts. That way, the first time he is late, he becomes a guest of the county hotel. He might think about that before buying his thousand dollar computer.

HUGS,

Zinnie

May 21, 2004
10:22 am
Avatar
Wanttobewell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free,, What a loathesome man. You and your kids sure do deserve for him to be gone, gone, gone!!! I just hate it when spouses or grandparents put the kids in the middle by sending messages through them, etc. Think of this also, how long will it be before he starts abusing his fiancee if he hasn't already? It's hard to believe she hasn't seen him out of control already. Also, with his history, I cannot believe that these allegatiions against you would be believed at all. I realize social services has an obligation to investigate complaints, but c'mon folks. I don't know if you've sat down with your children and told them everything about how you don't trust his mother, etc., or how they would react, but you know them kicking up a fuss about you not "letting" them have a relationship with their other family is just them repeating what they've been told. My ex-mother-in-law was the exact same way. She had no qualms about making the children feel as if mom was the evil one and she and daddy were just the poor innocents at the mercy of mean mother. My revulsion of these types of people knows no boundaries. I'm so glad Zinnie's husband is so helpful and knows about the system. I hope you can go after him again with everything you have. This has to be so very tiresome for you, and I'm so sorry this creature is back in the picture in a big way. I really do feel badly for you and the kids. Maybe he and grandma will get what's coming to them one of these days. One can dream anyway!! W.

May 21, 2004
11:44 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Perhaps he needs me to explain some things to him.

May 21, 2004
12:23 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry about that. I hate stalkers. I abhor wife beaters. And child abusers need to be escorted to hell.

Meanwhile, Free...

I think it is time for you to educate your children about the subject of abuse, stalking, child abuse. Have them read Patricia Evans. Have them write reports about it. They are of the age of reason. They can learn that what their father is doing is wrong. And they can learn to stand up to him.

May 21, 2004
5:48 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The report to protective services could help you if the children talked about their father and his rages. I hope these investigators do their jobs the way they are supposed to because what your husband is doing to your daughter is very emotionally abusive and this could impact his ability to spend time with them. Also, this investigator should be making contact with you to find out what kinds of things are going on with your "monster". Don't be afraid to tell them everything about what he is doing, if you get the feeling that you have a competent investigator working the case.

Ren'ai

May 21, 2004
6:17 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks all for the support.

I spoke with the investigator at child welfare services. I explained the situation to her and they're closing out the case. I expected that. I'm upset not just because of this report, but because of all the other things as well. This harrassment is just ridiculous, and guess what- legal.

CPS will not release the name of the reporting party to me or the prosecutor Or the probation officer. And his little clan can file as many times as they so desire, and each time, cps will have to investigate. I just told her that she's welcome at my house anytime- I'll go to Wal Mart (I think I pay their monthly rent lol) while they speak with the kids, but to please leave them be while they are at school. It was very upsetting to them as they did not know what was going on.

Last night visitation was bad. Verbatim from my oldest daughter: "he's all mad because he said he thought I wanted to come live with him and that's why cps came out, I told him I just want things to stay the way they are." Bad enough to where the two girls were vomiting this morning and exhausted- I went and picked them up after they called this morning (their dad had left for work). he and his fiance have bought a house- a very expensive house, in the country club about 15 minutes or so away, near my school. She sold her house and they bought this one. As it is, he's about 3 minutes away and we use a taxi service most of the time to exchange kids- 7 bucks a pop. Well, the city taxi service goes to the country club but it's quite a bit more- about 23 bucks a pop. Thursday night visitation just needs to stop, but I don't have assets to hire another attorney. I'm so sick of this.

Z- there's no use sending money with the kids- been there done this one- they are forced to put any money I send in the offering at his church.

wd- my kids are HIGHLY educated about child abuse as I'm an advocate with our local Rape Crisis and Child Protection Center (not the same as CPS), and believe the best way to prevent abuse is to educate children. Truth of the matter is, kids have very little power to stop the kind of abuse he inflicts. They are afraid to say anything to the authorites because they know they will have to go to his house again. Plus, wd, they do love him. they are torn.

believe me, I will turn him in. I am documenting everything and am composing a letter to both his probation officer, the prosecutor and the criminal investigator about what's gone on and am hoping that maybe something will be done in June at his domestic violence review. But truth of the matter is, he has done nothing illegal. And on the outside, he looks so good. Avid church goer, maintains his career, is getting married and now has bought a ritzy-ditzy house. He is so good at making himself look good, and so good at doing things just below the boundaries of the law.

These are the very reasons some women stay silent. There is just not much the system can do because he stays just under the boundaries of the law.The mind games are so intense sometimes, and basically what I hear from anybody I ask to help is "well our hands are tied but I feel for ya so good luck."

Good luck. Well, thanks alot you wonderful system.

free

May 21, 2004
6:29 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free I'm so sorry. Wish I could give you a hug.

May 21, 2004
8:51 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks gingerleigh. A part of this is my own fault, although I hate to admit it. I should not have been willing to offer the misdemeanor plea at his trial. He was up on three felonies- 5-10 years in state prison. I was afraid for my daughters welfare, and terrified that the jury might not convict. One just never knows. I'm so sick of fear. I'm always afraid of one thing or another, and I'm so sick of it. I just wish there was some thing- like Iboprufen or Tylenol- maybe call it "fear away" that was non-addictive and sold over the counter that I could take with a tall glass of water. I'm so sick of him. I just so wish he would die. And that feeling is so ugly.

free

May 21, 2004
9:09 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What I just don't understand is why he is so hell-bent on making you miserable... why can't he just go off and get married and start his new happy little life? I'm frustrated for you, and can't even begin to imagine how you must feel right now.

May 21, 2004
9:19 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free,

My husband is asking where in CA do you live.

He is pissed as hell, on your behalf and wants to see what he can find out for you.

Z.

May 22, 2004
3:32 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay Z. At first, I thought no way no tell. that's kinda scary. Enough of scary.

What the hell.

Santa Barbara County. the prosecutor on the case is/was Ann Bramson in Santa Maria. A jury trial was held last December for one count of felony stalking and two counts of felony intimidating a witness from testifying and it was plead out half way through to misdemeanor stalking. This case backed up the Erica Jantz stalking-murder trial- same prosecutor, same judge. I have the utmost respect for this prosecutor and her criminal investigator.

June 10th is a domestic violence review for him. I was contacted by a victim witness advocate today at the request of his probation officer, and am sending her a letter about what has happened over the past couple months.

I've probably said enough.

thanks z.

Even if nothing can be done, thank you. And thank you, Mr. Z
free

May 22, 2004
7:14 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

good for you, free on the education bit.

So the kids are able to articulate "My Dad is a stalker and a child abuser. On thursday we were abused and next thursday we will also be abused?"

THe power of love is amazing. MAybe they need to start carrying video cameras.

This guy is just mind boggling. You are so strong to even have your eyes remain in your head.

I am so sorry this abomination is happening to your family.

May 22, 2004
10:01 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free,

I will give the info to my husband, he is teaching a class today. Last night though, he said he needed to find out the names of some groups that will they have in CA, that have pro bono attorney's (like what he is doing here at The Family Place), who will help you with it. He actually even said, if he had a contact in CA, he would do the case for you pro bono, but of course, that still entails, hiring and paying for a CA attorney on your part. He is hoping to find a referral for you.

The good news is that the probation officer is on YOUR side. The other GREAT news? Whether you realize it or not? Sure, everything he is doing is just under the legal limits of the law. BUT, you get a Judge and DA like the ones you have now? They HATE (especially Judges) having someone mess with what are ultimately "their orders" - let's face it, they have a lot of power, and love using it.

I don't know if my husband would do it, but I will also ask him to talk to his family's attorney (who by the way, has WON cases in CA) what he would recommend. Also, contacting our friend here who is a Federal Magistrate, perhaps he can tell us who you need to get to help you.

This is... awful. I told my husband last night, the same thing I told you months ago, I wish you had never taken the plea - but I understand why. He replied, "she was doing what she thought was best for the kids, but yes, the biggest mistake is not fighting back, because ultimately these men are chickens."

But, we will certainly try to help, or at least find you someone there that will help you.

((((((((((FREE))))))))))

Z.

May 23, 2004
3:09 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Z

I should have let things happen without my intervention. Conviction or no conviction.

You've no idea as to how much that sentiment echoes throughout my past.

These mistakes, though plentiful and consistent, will not be repeated again.

free

May 23, 2004
10:54 am
Avatar
Wanttobewell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Free, you did what you thought was right at the time, but I do understand how you feel about it now. Hindsight and all of that. God must have sent Zinnie to this place. She has been such a blessing to so many here. I really am so sorry for you and your kids to have to keep going through all of this. This guy must have a special place in hell all picked out for him. That's a terrible thing to say, but I just don't have one tiny little bit of compassion for these types. If only the things could be done to them that they do to others. But actually, it would do no good. They really don't think like us. I used to think that deep inside they knew they were wrong, but I am beginning to change my mind on that one.

I truly hope your children get through this okay. You're always there for them, and you know what they're going through and try to help them at every turn. That counts for so much. He just HAS to get what's coming to him at some point. You're in my prayers, Free. W.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
58
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer