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on the verge of a panic attack
October 10, 2006
11:56 am
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jewel
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I wish that my mind would stop racing. I am worrying right now about my debt and getting my schoolwork done on time. I am not behind on any bills and have no problems paying the minimum amounts due. I just owe an enormous amount and wish that I never got my vehicle and just settled for a cheaper car. It is not worth it to sell it at this point. I feel a panic attack coming on and I am trying to calm down. This happens everyday before I go into work and I just wish that it would stop. I am sick of life at the moment and just sometimes wish I wasn't around anymore so that I wouldn't have to deal with all of this junk. I am trying to take deep breaths and realize that these feelings will pass, but I am still going to be stuck with my debt that is growing as I write this. I feel as though I need help.

Jewel

October 10, 2006
12:16 pm
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jastypes
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You are now speaking to the QUEEN OF DEBT. Honey, you're doing amazingly well. You're paying bills on time and making minimum payments. You're way ahead of me on that one.

Here's the mantra that helps me: Just for today, I have what I need.

October 10, 2006
12:34 pm
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jewel
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Thanks for that jastypes. I feel like I am about to have a full blown attack. I hate feeling this way. I wish I could relax. I am making the min. pymts. on time and have the money but it is going to take like my whole life to pay everything off. I hate my life at the moment.

October 10, 2006
12:46 pm
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Hey, Jewel, I'm gonna say a little prayer for you right now for the peace that surpasses all understanding.

October 10, 2006
12:57 pm
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jewel
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Thanks jastypes. I am now crying because I just feel overwhelming and I can't think rationally. I keep obsessing over school and worrying that I am going to fail. I made a pschyitrist appt. for late next week so maybe I need to be on different meds for bipolar. I think I am worse off than originally thought.

Jewel

October 10, 2006
1:38 pm
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red blonde
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Jewel

I know what panic attacks are. Had quite a few myself. Maybe three since 9/28. Take deep breathes, do somethings that are completely normal: a hot bubble bath, clean up around your place, take a walk, ride your bike, read a book. Anything that will take your mind off of things for awhile. I know it is easier said than done. Been there, done that.

Post here on the threads. TALK about it. Get it all out.

My problem is that I hardly have any one I can talk to when I let my fears take hold of me. Then it is a vicious cycle. TALK. TALK. TALK. You know and I know this will too pass. DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE TO DO. Do you have a school counselor? Talk to her.
Do you have a good friend to talk to and who will listen?

I have been in such bad panic attacks that all I could do was cry and hug a pillow and rock back and forth. And became somewhat agoraphobic, would not leave my place for days.

I will pray for you. I feel for you. Just been getting over a panic attack
myself. Is there something that happened in your life that is the underlying cause for your attacks? Some sort of trauma? Going to Pshch or therapist is good idea. I know you analytical mind is going 2-40 and you are beating yourself up because of something.

If you need to talk, I will listen.

Hug and prayer for you ((((JEWEL)))

From someone is somewhat the same boat...me.

RED

October 10, 2006
6:59 pm
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Anonymous
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Ive had several anxiety attacks so I really believe in the pain of anxiety and panic. Youve got such good advice here, Jewel. Try it! I used to clean around and organize when I was married and anxious but that would irritate my husband so I thought it was wrong though it made feel good.

And remember, your whole will have leaps for the better! Youre young, will make more money and learn to negotiate with the creditors if need be.

All the best!

October 10, 2006
7:00 pm
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Anonymous
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Gee, the ex-husband, I meant!

October 11, 2006
12:44 am
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red blonde
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Jewel,

How are you doing?

Post some more.

Red

October 11, 2006
1:47 pm
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jewel
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Thanks everyone for all the responses. I felt a panic attack coming on earlier, but I drank 2 cups of coffee because I had to be up early today. Caffiene can be a trigger for me. I took 1 mg of klonopin and now feel a lot more calm but not as much as I would like to feel. I am hanging in there and trying to get through these hard days. I wish I was enjoying life more right now since I just got engaged and I found the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life. Life is good but can be hard at times. I guess this goes for everyone.

Jewel

October 11, 2006
3:16 pm
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caraway
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Jewel,

Thank GOD for klonopin!! That stuff helped me through some rough times and it is CHEAP.

Have you attempted to work something out to consolidate your debt and lower the interest and payments?

Cary

October 11, 2006
7:48 pm
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red blonde
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Jewel and Cary

What is Klonopin? Is it used for panic attacks? Should I go to a drug store and get a read out on it to see if I can take.

Jewel, just for you. Cary has some good thoughts there about consolidating you debt and such.
You can get alot of good help on this site.

Red

October 12, 2006
10:08 am
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caraway
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Red,

Klonopin is prescription strength but is great to get you through those times when nothing else will. I think that it is an antianxiety class drug.

Ask a doc.

Cary

October 12, 2006
12:04 pm
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red blonde
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Cary

Thanks for the info. I had a rather severe attack 9-28 and a fewer milder since then. I am going to ask my doc if he could prescribe it to take the edge of the severe ones.

I hate panic attacks...I have PTSD..and apparently alot of triggers that I have not been aware of, or thought some were 'disarmed'.

THanks again.

Red

October 12, 2006
1:12 pm
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jewel
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I may start to go to counseling to look inside myself deeper and find where the attacks are coming from. I have also been obsessing over school and always worry that I am going to fail. I usually end up doing pretty well so I don't know why I set myself up to fail. I think that I lack self confidence and need to quit the negative thinking. I have come far in my life and quit drinking for over 7 months now and that by itself is a huge deal. I just wish that this panic would go away. Red, I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with panic disorder as well. It is a very hard battle to fight but we can get past it. Klonopin helped me more when I first started taking it but doesn't do as much now. Maybe because my body got used to it. I don't take them all the time but as of late I have been taking one before work and one during work. I have to otherwise I fear having an attack in front of everyone.

Jewel

October 12, 2006
1:31 pm
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red blonde
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Jewel

It could have started in childhood, that is where mine started. That is when my first TRAUMATIC experience happened, but I blocked it out for decades. After my xh1, I started having flashbacks, wasn't until xh2 and 2 even more traumatic events that happened (another with xbf after xh2) that I was therapy, but I thought it was because of those 2 traumas. Now after xh3 and xso, I am posting on this site for help because I am not financially able to go into counseling or therapy again. This site is WONDERFUL!

Post to this site. Wonderful people here who want to help.

Red

October 12, 2006
1:39 pm
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smarterone
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Jewel "panic" is my middle name. I am 55, bad times always at my door. Maybe you have read them anyway. This year, i got so fed up, decided to move with my b/f, and son (used to live on the street) Husband, who i need to divorce in prison for 6yrs already, left him 1 yr ago. Was faithful for that 6yrs. Now i move again, My mom says she has a book with my addresses, and decided not to forward addresses and didnt pay any credit cards. By the way, I live on disability and been thru hell. So Jewel, I have been there from your first "sober" week, and remember your crys for strength, you got thru that, how big was that and still is, you will make it. God never gives us more than we can handle (maybe thats why im constantly in pain in my arms, ha ha) love d

October 13, 2006
12:01 am
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jewel
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Well, I have been obsessing over my algebra class and got my test back with an 88%. I thought that I was going to fail it. I think that I just lack self confidence and I always think that I am going to fail everything. DOes anyone know what I can do to gain more confidence and quit the worrying so much?

Jewel

October 13, 2006
12:41 am
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(((jewel)))

Congratulations on your exam. It is hard to "quit" being a worrier. It's a process. I'm working on it too. Some of my coping methods are more like avoidance and distraction, but still better than some of the self destructive ones in the past. Things like lack of sleep get to you though so worrying can really affect your health, and thus add another concern: worrying about worrying! It's a snowballing effect.

Caffeine gives me anxiety as well, yet I use it for energy. I know it's a vicious cycle because that seems like a harmless addiction but it feeds the lack of sleep===>tiredness===>less strength to cope cycle as well.

You can only accomplish so much at a time, so you were given good advice above... think in terms of today and what is realistic. Then when you take small actions towards accomplishing something you may feel a little relief. Don't look at it in terms of being able to conquer it all at once, I'm sure you know, that's what makes you panic.

Red Blonde says post on here, which works for me also, and I spill my guts here sometimes. Other times I do what Sininho does: organize or clean... because it is a concrete thing that gives me relief. Also, it somehow puts your mind at ease when your space is organized. In my case, often I'll be worried about something unrelated, but it makes me feel a little better. If you are busy, sometimes it is a luxury to organize and clean certain things, and you can look at some things that give you comfort, etc.

Depending upon your personality, list making can help or make things seem worse.

Hopefully your grades will help to boost your confidence. Sounds like you do well in school despite your worries. Sometimes it makes things sunnier all around to see those types of results.

-ella

October 13, 2006
12:45 am
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Jewel-
What a coincidence- I turned on the tv and Fraiser is having an anxiety attack.

another silly tip from ella: watch a silly sitcom to make yourself laugh. Or read something funny.

October 13, 2006
2:24 pm
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jewel
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Thanks so much ella for all of your advice. I will keep on posting here to get things off my chest.

October 13, 2006
2:47 pm
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needtoheal
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red blonde.. read this please

October 13, 2006
2:51 pm
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needtoheal
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i have had anxiety all my life... i was diagnosed with add-- attention deficit disorder and anxiety disorder five years ago when i separated from my ex-husband...
there is also low dose anti-anxiety prescription drugs generic called lorazapam.. it helps me a lot on days when i know it will be a roller coaster emotional day.... i have just recently started no contact... in fact today i did not call or text my ex boyfriend...
i understand how you feel especially about your past... mine was something abusive --over and over again... that is why i want to change and need to heal .....

October 13, 2006
5:25 pm
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red blonde
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Needtoheal

Thanks for the information.

Jewel

I will post on the site later. Haven't read all the thread yet. Going out with some friends right now.

Everyone

THANK YOU. We just need to be supportive of eachother. One thing about Panic Attacks is that I seem to have the same loss of self confidence each time as well.
Is this a problem with all of us?

Red

October 13, 2006
5:31 pm
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needtoheal
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YES... I THINK AFTER A PANIC ATTACK I DO LOSE CONFIDENCE AS IF A PANIC ATTACK IS SOMETHING THAT I SHOULD HAVE PREDICTED AND COULD HAVE CONTROLLED... PLUS, AFTER I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN OVER THE BOYFRIEND THAT I HAVE TO GET OVER... AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALL THIS BEFORE WITH MY EX-HUSBAND...SO I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO SO WHEN I HAVE A PANIC ATTACK, IT BOTHERS ME....

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