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On my way...
November 15, 2005
12:52 pm
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matthew65
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I added to my previous post and it became lost on the bottom of other threads. I am writing this over under a new thread just because it's a beginning of a new chapter in my life and I wanted to make sure that those who offered me love & support would know how much I sincerely appreciated it. My previous thread was "why is it always me?"

Anyway, It's been a few days since I last posted. I am very proud of myself for the strong moments (which have been a lot) that I have had. This a.m I am still dealing with the question (issue) that if he still says he loves me, why did he leave us? I hope I will soon find out that answer. I want to share with you all that I have done. I talked to my Pastor yesterday (who says he left me both emotionally and physically so he has already ended the marriage), went to a counselor with my two daughters to start family therapy, made an appt to see a divorce lawyer, and have made some of my own boundaries in which I will abide to. WE have a counseling appt tomorrow. If he doesn't show, I am saying it's over. If he shows and doesn't want to continue the therapy, it's over. Thank you all (especially Him above) for your Love, concern, support & feedback. LIC, Matthew

Also I am going to an AlaNon meeting and my girls are going to AlaTeen. GB

November 15, 2005
1:17 pm
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Lass
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Wow, Matthew!

What a cool list of stuff you are doing for you and your family. Keep your heart open, but safe. I am proud of you and happy for you, as you begin anew, or renew the old.

Blessings!

LL

November 15, 2005
2:58 pm
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Giggles_29
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GOOD JOB MATTHEW! I too have had a breakthrough this past weekend. I am proud of you 🙂 I know how hard it is. I had to do the hardest thing i've ever had to do this past weekend. I feel good about it, even though i have my good and bad days. I know it will probably get harder before it gets easier. I commend you for doing all that you have done. I know how hard it must be for you. Please if you get a chance read my threads, "Codependency at its Best", "Enough is Enough!", and "Taking a Stand", you will find our situations are very similar. Again, good luck. I wish you the best. Just keep thinking of you and your children first. Keep up the good work!! Giggles 🙂

November 16, 2005
9:25 am
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matthew65
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Lass- Thank you very much for your kind words. Seeing your response made even realize more how strong I had been and happy I was able to be during this really tough time. I really appreciate the time you took to say those things to me. Going through this, makes feel sometimes alone. Your response made me feel better.

Giggles--Thank you to for your support and kind words. You also made me feel as if I am not alone. If you would like to share with me what you are experiencing, I am here for you, too.

Today is the day when WE have our appt. I doubt he will show. I am really nervous because I don't know what "face" of his will appear today. I pray he will repent and find understanding as I am doing the same to we can continue on to save our marriage. I also pray I have the strength to abide to my boundaries I have set up in my mind.

Take care & GB

Matthew

November 16, 2005
6:26 pm
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matthew65
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i really need some advice right now. Please give me some suggestions. My husband did not show up at our counseling meeting to start working on the problems in our marriage (my hope was also for him to realize his addiction & ask for some help). I am still going with my plan to see a lawyer tomorrow to start divorce proceedings. My quetion is that he now wants to talks to me (he left me a message) to discuss what plan of action I am taking since I am the one who started it (I closed a savings account and locked out the debit card because he withdrew large sums of money from each account). I did this after he left us on Friday and said he only needed to take some money out for a hotel for a few days but then later told me for a week. He took out a total of $900.00 Dont you think he was the one who left the marriage? I think so, but need some clarification. He is now blaming me for this. Please help, I am going crazy!

November 16, 2005
6:28 pm
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matthew65
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I just wanted to add that I didn't do that with the bank accounts to punish him, but because I don't trust him I wanted to protect the money we needed to pay bills, clothing, food, etc. WE just bought a new house, too!

November 17, 2005
10:03 am
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Anonymous
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I think it hurts to know he didn't show up cuz you had hope he would.

It's like pouring salt in a would you think is healing, but isn't.

You are doing the right thing. You set the boundaries, and now you are enforcing them - for your own protection.

It is hard and takes all the energy we have to do it, but it's necessary.

And you weren't wrong to lock him out of the bank account - I think $900 is more than enough to live on for a while...what kind of posh place is he staying at?????

He will continue to blame you - that's the nature of his problems....but you don't have to accept or absorb the blame - you set up ways that would "save" the marriage - and he continued to not pull his weight - or do his part. So you extended the olive branch and he didn't take it - you can't blame you for that....he will...but this isn't about him anymore....it's about your needs.

Don't worry about the bank account - and if you are - ask the lawyer what your rights are....and explain that you are using it to pay the bills in his absence - bills he should be partially responsible for...I don't think you are wrong for doing this.

At worst, the lawyer may say to divide it in half, give him his half and keep the rest...but that's just a guess on my part.

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