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on jealousy
July 13, 2007
12:42 pm
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lostgirl
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my significant other is an artist and musician. he comes across a lot of people, and a LOT of admirers. i'm having a hard time dealing with this. i have really bad trust issues already, and his lifestyle doesn't make it any easier. he's also got his own commitment issues. i'm constantly feeling hurt, and i know i should leave, but i love him. when we're together, everything is great and wonderful. but the trust issues and the hurt are eating me up inside. we're supposed to move in together soon, and i just don't know if i can handle it if he doesn't come home some nights, or makes new "friends," etc. any advice?

July 13, 2007
12:45 pm
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CAMER
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trust is a huge factor in any relationship, and probably the most important for me.

Has he given you any reasons in the past to "not be trusted"?

Sometimes being codependent, I know i tend to think the worst about any senerio or think that something is wrong, when the reality is always different.

Your best bet is to hold off on moving in with him, esp. with trust issues going on.

July 13, 2007
12:57 pm
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lostgirl
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We've gone back and forth between being "best friends" and dating. Because we've become so close, we thought moving in together, even as best friends, would be awesome, because we're constantly together anyway. We are eachother's support systems, and eachother's family. Despite the trust issues, I know he loves me. But his inability to commit gives me reason not to trust him. I am guilty of letting my wall down, and then building it back up, but I feel like he's handing me the bricks and the mortar.

July 13, 2007
1:03 pm
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CAMER
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what do you mean that he has the inability to commit??? you and him
are exclusive right?? and he isn't thinking of cheating or dating others, right?

July 13, 2007
1:29 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Dear Lostgirl, This sounds a little like my last relationship. We were the best of friends and slept together . Suppose to be just us . But it was a simple of case of having his cake and eating it to. No commitment, means he can do what he whats, but expects you to be his friend. Oh yes, you are right to question rather you can handle this if you move in together. Because so called friends are suppose to be their for each other. Ny experience was I became jealous of his attention of others, questioned myself all the time , and felt cheated....when we live together. Even if he loves you and you love him, without commitment anything can happen. All in the name of friendship. I have learned the hard way. Give them an inch they take a mile. You sound like you have a pretty good handle on this. Trust your instinct and aleast feel comfort about moving in before you do. I am far from being friends with my ex. now. Wish you the best, horsefly

July 13, 2007
2:50 pm
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lostgirl
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right now we're on the "best friends" kick. he doesn't see or date other people, and i am definitely the most important person in his life 'right now.' but, in the past he has dated a looooot of people, and he's still friends with most of them. he's in contact with them to promote his art/music, and sometimes those types of relationships can get flirty, which is uncomfortable for me. am i just in denial?

July 13, 2007
3:28 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Lostgirl, It is hard for me to say you are in denial or not. Sounds like you know what is going on. You are just concerned how further you want to get involved. In my case I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I was in denial for ten years. I see you are aware of the issues. I am not confident enough to give advise on this, but be cautious if you are already seeing red flags. I tried to keep my relationship as light as possible for years so I wouldn't lose him. (friends). But after you invest so much time and energy in someone it gets hard to be just friends.....this is when denial of yourself sets in. When you actually want more security with them , but are afraid to ask. Just be aware , like you are and trust yourself. horsefly

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