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on ending a long term co-dependent relationship
November 11, 2009
11:17 pm
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but4thegrace
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I recently ended a long term relationship with a man I dearly loved but who was emotionally unavailable to me and I just couldn't take anymore. Now I find myself very confused -should I attempt to make this work again(if it is even an option )or should I stay strong and trust that I shall never get my needs met by this man?

November 12, 2009
1:22 am
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hopeinhim
Lake Stevens, WA
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Hi again but4thegrace,

Is this the man that is not clean and sober......sounds like in another thread you are willing to do anything to protect your recovery.

Meth? Right? A tough one.......my bf's drug of choice. He got hooked just once in his 30's after never using any drug, or even ever getting drunk!

Boy, I have broken up with him 3 times now. Maybe I should've stuck with the decision the first time. I guess you never get the cha-ching sound when you do the right thing.

November 12, 2009
1:22 am
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hopeinhim
Lake Stevens, WA
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Hi again but4thegrace,

Is this the man that is not clean and sober......sounds like in another thread you are willing to do anything to protect your recovery.

Meth? Right? A tough one.......my bf's drug of choice. He got hooked just once in his 30's after never using any drug, or even ever getting drunk!

Boy, I have broken up with him 3 times now. Maybe I should've stuck with the decision the first time. I guess you never get the cha-ching sound when you do the right thing.

November 12, 2009
10:28 am
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Lanigirl
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But4thegrace,

I'm glad you're taking the time to sort this out before you make a choice.

What do you need for yourself? What would make you happy? I quote (imperfectly) Bitsy here, "Better to feel the pain of uncertainty then the certainty of pain."

November 12, 2009
10:45 am
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atalose
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I think the most important question you need to ask yourself is, what is going to be different this time if you attempt to work it out. How is he going to become emotionally available to you so that he meets your needs?

Is he willing to seek counseling for himself? Is he willing to work on himself or is going to be you needing to continue to lower your bar in regards to what he has to offer which doesn’t sound like much.

It’s about you, your needs and wants and if you can accept that they will never get met by this guy and you stay……can you be truly happy?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

November 12, 2009
6:19 pm
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but4thegrace
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I know i could not be happy living like that.I was unhappy for soo long before the breakup-and lonely .I tried to tell him in many ways and on many occasions. It is so hard letting go of that rose colored ideal of love. In the time since the breakup i have become involved with a co-worker who i really admire. He is in recovery as well-and is very honest and forthright with me -I do not know if this will lead to an actual relationship or not-time will tell and it is at moments when i feel insecure that i start to consider working things out with my ex-i need to take a lot of time to explore my emotions on all of this and i greatly value any input -thank you

November 12, 2009
8:28 pm
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hopeinhim
Lake Stevens, WA
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Lani - touche! I love this quote:

Better to feel the pain of uncertainty then the certainty of pain."

LOVE IT, LOVE It! I have to get a journal to write down resources, and the awesome quotes.

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