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On being Positive...A few thoughts.
March 25, 2010
10:10 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I think I have spent a large part of my life being angry and hurt that I think its bout time I learn to enjoy what is left to our country and my life, the sooner the better too...as who knows what is in store for us tomorrow, doesn't look good, so I have taken the vow to be happy and to live the best that I can and to not focus on negative sad things anymore...I am done with that part of my life...negative things and people have no more room left in my world anymore...

I want to focus on what is good, what is working and simply enjoy the fact that I am in good health, I have food in my cupboards and the fact that I have a husband and daughter that love me and are here for me...so many people have walked out on me when I needed them the most, they just up and left me, over and over again, I heard oh I am always here for you, to yet to wonder where they went...

I no longer care where they went, who cares, what matters is that fact that I may die tomorrow, so I am going to live the best life possible now...

How? To be with my family and make the nicest more beautiful surroundings for us that I can, to cook healthy meaningful meals, to hug them everyday and tell them I love them....to live life to the fullest is what I shall do, to read, to do things for ME and what beneifits ME and my family for now...

No more people pleasing and doing things for people who do not even care bout me or if I died tomorrow...no more of that, no more approval is needed from anyone, for now on, i approve of me and need no approval from anyone or to do things to make others happy who do not deserve it...

I am going to live more positively!

March 25, 2010
10:18 am
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gettnthere
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Good on you!!! I am going to try to do the same. I say so but then something or someone pulls the rug out from under me...but I gotta take responsibility for how I fall.

Thanks for sharing positive vibes...

March 25, 2010
10:31 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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your welcomed, yes I think what you said is it! How we respond to people who hurt us, is a MAJOR factor in our happiness...do we want to give power to those who hurt us? Well we do when we cry or get upset, or let them consume us...I have found that responding in a positive way to anyone who is negative can do two things, they either begin to see that they are somehow being abusive or they get angry when you do not respond the way they would LIKE you too, either way, its a win-win situation....you can not always move away or get away from hurtful people..that is just a fact of life, you can control how much interaction you have, of course sometimes but you can not competely rid yourself from those who hurt, so you can take the high road, you can laugh, talk bout the how beautiful is it outside and change the subject...gosh i wish I would of done this years AGO!

March 25, 2010
11:21 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Another thought came to mind...I have a friend, yes I have two in life, who will meet me for lunch occassionly, my one friend always tells me about her dinner partys and nights out with other friends and how much of a good time she had, knowing full well I wished I had one dinner party or one night out with a friend...she has a tendency to tell me all the details and it hurts me...I do not think she realizes it and I do not think or hope not anyhow that it is intenional but what I have done lately is say to her, I am so happy for you! I try to sincere cause I want to be, I want to be happy for her, not jealous, so I have worked on telling her how nice that is and how wonderful it sounds....I have noticed that she does it less and less now, not as often as she used too...I do not even think she realizes what it was, but I do think on some level, it made her aware and it changed her mind to go on bout it the way she did, but in an unconscious way, perhaps by my respond of being geniuely happy for her and not letting myself get hurt, made her realize on some level deep down, it was hurting me...maybe, maybe not, but the point is that I choose to repsond this way, instead of feeling bad and saying oh that must be nice or I wish I had somewhere like that to go, I simplhy choose the high road...belive me it was hard in the beginning but I have come realize its not her responsiblity to have social events for me, its not her problem, its mine...

March 25, 2010
11:24 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Now with that said, it being my problem, I take ownership of my negative feellings which is hurt and feeling left out and I take that and say, well i could feel hurt and neglected or I could say, I am happy for you, and try to mean it and then let it go....I think this is healthy, right? I hope so! Its all part of me being or trying to be more postive and more in control of my life....

March 29, 2010
2:59 pm
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truthBtold
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BFG,

OK - now I think I see where you are coming from girlfriend......

You wrote: "I take ownership of my negative feellings....."

That's the bottom line, isn't it?

Claiming it. Taking ownership of it.

I think (maybe) for me I tried to be positive before taking ownership, as you say, and it just didn't cut it (for me.) Kind of like emotionally putting the cart before the horse, sort of speak.......

Yes. This makes sense.

You wrote: "I think this is healthy, right?"

Sounds like it is to me.

Do you suppose that there is like, some sort of healthy detachment?

Sort of like, a 'soft' indifference?

Not an 'across the board' indifference, just in a healthy - backing off kind of way?

March 29, 2010
3:02 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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BFG I like the "spin" you put on the situation by telling your friend you were happy for her. It in effect put you in a more powerful position. Instead of cowering in a corner with hurt feelings you said you were happy for her. It took a little of her ability to "lord" it over you away whether or not she was intentionally doing it or not. I will have to remember that.

Bitsy

March 29, 2010
3:59 pm
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MsGuided
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BFG. That's about all one can do. Live the best you can, claim and do what you enjoy. Share it with those you love......and once you like yourself, think yourself capable, more healthy relationships will form with others.

People will start giving to YOU what you need.

March 30, 2010
9:16 pm
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Mugsie
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love yourself...that's the most positive thing for your health and then for those who are close to you

April 1, 2010
8:40 pm
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onlyboringontheoutside
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There's a book that was published a while back by a guy named Burns called "Feeling Good", and it gives some practice advice to how to minimize and finally silence negative internal messages with practice. It helped a lot for me to fill in the gaps between recognizing that I was treating myself badly inside and treating myself more kindly. I mean, HOW do you treat yourself more kindly? How do you tactically STOP giving weight to the negative thoughts that feed the negative emotional spiral? Just do it, right?

There's more to it, but ANYONE can do it with the right tools and training! Cheers for positive thinking!

April 1, 2010
11:04 pm
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chelonia mydas
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TBT, Bitsy, MsG, Mugsie, OBOTO and all folks at AAC,

You are invited to an open house on the Coffeehouse thread.

We are inviting all ACC members to join us at the coffeehouse this weekend. The Coffeehouse thread is a unique cyber-place to find acceptance and unconditional friendship. A place where anything is possible because everyone who posts contributes to creating this special refuge for everyone to visit and take a moment away from the stresses of our lives. Everyone is encouraged to add to it, all you have to do is stop by and post whatever you want. The only request is that the Coffeehouse be kept a positive and accepting place. Many people write about/create a comfy place or bring a favorite dessert, meal or beverage to share. Sometimes people will share a favorite story or describe a place they would like to visit or have traveled to.

In recent weeks there have only been a few of us posting. This thread is for everyone to enjoy, which is why we are inviting you. We hope to see you there.

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