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OMG! Re: Proud of myself! I think I am going to be sick!!!!!!!
December 6, 2005
4:48 pm
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Anonymous
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Ok this is a follow up to the thread about me being proud of myself. My ex and I broke up because he is alot older then me and he didn't want to get married or have kids. He felt that he wanted to retire in a few years and he couldn't stand the thought of being older and having to still be a police officer to afford kids. As much as I loved him I decided I didn't want to force him into something so I left. I also thought that I would wind up being a single mom because he worked 12 hours shift and was constantly hunting.

Well like you know my ex best friend started sleeping with my ex after a short time of us being broken up. She tried to trap her ex by getting pregnant but it didn't work.

Now i just got a call from a friend saying that she heard she was pregnant. Right after that phone call

I got an email from her saying:
I'm sorry, this isn't the best way to tell you, but, I did get pregnant. It was an accident, but, after the shock wore off, Mark and I decided to keep the baby and we are excited about the decision and
planning a life with a baby. We didn't want to hurt you, but, I'm sure
it would hurt more if the next time you see us we had a baby in tow.
Weweren't sure if and when to tell you, it was more to protect your feelings then anything. That probably doesn't make it right or make you feel better.

I'm sorry, I know this is the last thing you ever wanted to hear, but we can't keep it hidden forever. Family and friends know and are excited for us.

I know we have both changed our lives for the better and I feel wonderful about that. I am not the same person I was, I am finally getting control and I am happy for the 1st time in my life. I hope
youare doing well and R really does make you happy and you have made positive lifestyle changes as well. You say that you are trying to forgive us, that is wonderful, I am surprised by it (like I said, I never expected to be forgiven by you - I deserved that)

Maybe you will be able to forgive for this, maybe not. I will keep my distance and won't contact you, you probably need time for this to sink in.

I hope you know I do care about you and want you to be happy.I'm sorry this is how you had to find out.
________________________________

Ok someone anyone help me process this! She always wanted everything I had and she was always so jealous. Now she has the life i wanted. XOXOOXOXO Lost

December 6, 2005
4:57 pm
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gettingthere
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hi lost i am here at the moment do you want to talk x

December 6, 2005
5:03 pm
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Anonymous
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Well, understand that she was always so jealous and this is just her immature way of gloating over her accomplishment.

Know that this guy told you honestly he didn't want kids and that eventually, this kid is going to cause a problem - maybe not today - but at some point.

He was honest with you - he probably isn't being honest with her. And she isn't being honest with herself either.

This woman is petty and immature - and please know that you are STILL the bigger person. And that her plan is likely to backfire badly in her face.

December 6, 2005
5:27 pm
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hi lost im sory i have to go but i want to tell you this i read it in one of my books and i try to keep it in my mind as we do go through life we will somewhere along the way meet people that are arrogant,patronizing,criticizing,angry,rude,.............
so when we train ourselves NOT to take things personally and to control your response you have put yourself in a postion of tremendous power,AN EXCELENT response is NO RESPONSE,keep your cool whilst others lose theirs,
lost dont rise to her she is rank out of order,she is after a response dont give her one why shove it in your face if she was truly happy she wouldnt need to react in that way...................takecare gettingthere xx

December 6, 2005
5:27 pm
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OMG, that is one of the most awful, hurtful stories I have ever heard. How are you holding up?

The ex best friend sounds like a real piece of work. And she says she cares about you. I'm outraged. Sounds like she has been very jealous of you. Maybe she still is, she may even feel threatened by you, maybe she senses that your ex still has some feelings for you and she resents that. She sounds like an awful person. And she is telling you that the ex is happy/excited about this baby thing, however, he may not be at all.

How are you going to handle things with her? My prayers are with you, you will get through this.

December 6, 2005
5:32 pm
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((((lost))))

It may help to actually feel very sorry for your friend. Undoubtedly, this man is fairly self focused, and what he says now and what happens when the child is born are different things. She is going to be sorely lacking in an active partnership with him, and will face exactly the things you feared facing if you stayed togeather. Be glad it isn't you, and realize that they are not going to have the cookie cutter life that you had hoped the two of you could share, and that your firend hopes they will now.

And how strange that you jsut saw them and now this--I think it is a sign. And I agree, she is CLEARLY gloating, which is absurd, she didn't DO anything. It's not like he chose her for something he turned you down for, he accidentally fertalized her where he did not accidentally fertalize you. Keep it in perspective, sweetie.

I can assure you as one who knows, there is no joy in sharing a child with soemone who does not really want that child. It brings me heartache every day when I see my daughters father has missed so much and does not understand what magic and joy there is in her living. I hope one day you can have a child under better circumstances and share in the joy of being a parent every day with a thrilled and loving partner committed to family life with you.

Oh, Ali, I can't find the thread but am sorry I snapped at you yesterday. I'm in a self pittying place and experiancing sme misplaced defensiveness, which I do recognize and regret. I hope you will accept my sincerest appologies.

December 6, 2005
6:09 pm
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Hi Lost: You are only getting her side of the story. You don't know that the ex bf is as thrilled as she is. It seems awfully soon for him to be turning a new leaf and changing his entire life for her, when he was deadset against doing it for you. He may be trapped w/ this situation and I'll bet it won't be a happy situation for long.

I would be absolutely sick too. What a horrid situation. Be glad you're not the pregnant one w/ a man who doesn't want the child.

Chin up. And be proud of yourself.

December 6, 2005
7:14 pm
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Hi,

That is just awful what this woman did to you..and the man too. I cant think of a worst betrayal.. But everything happens for a reason..we may not understand it now. Just ask God to give you the strength to continue and somewhere in the future you will find someone that will love you and want to marry you and give you a family....You are still young and have lots of years ahead of you. It may not seem like it now..but trust me it will happen. Dont spend too much time with a man who is not willing to give you what you want in a relationship. I did that and I only wasted good years of my life when I could have been looking for someone with no baggage..Now as I am older..it is much harder to find a decent man with no baggage. Find someone your own age who you have a lot in common with.

I hope this helps.

Marlex

December 6, 2005
7:17 pm
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gingerleigh
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In a year from now, you will wake up every morning and thank your lucky stars that you didn't wind up with this guy permanently. I promise!

December 6, 2005
9:23 pm
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CAMER
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hi, i don't even know what to say, i myself would be devastated. But as others have posted, i really don't think your witchy friend will have a good life with her baby and your ex...yeah, now they may seem to be happy, but things change drastically once you have a child...and for what you told me about your ex, your witchy friend deserves everything she gets, which sounds like it won't be too much from a man who didn't want kids and was too old.

I wish you support and comfort during this time and ((((here are some huge hugs for you))))) Camer

December 6, 2005
11:13 pm
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Thanks everyone. As you can imagine I am still in a state of SHOCK. I have so many mixed emotions. It seems like from her due date that she maybe have been sleeping with my ex before I left. I sort of feel bad for him in a way. I warned him that she might try to trap him... I gues he thought I was being the bitter ex! But I left him because he didn't want the same things in life as me.
My ex friend slept with several of my ex bo's friend and he knew about it. I think he was looking for a fling when I left because he said he was really hurting and this is what happened!
When I saw him the other day I could sense something was wrong. Why would she do that to him? Here is a guy I spent 3 1/2 years with. I LOVED him and we had great family relationships. His family was like my own, I left because I didn't want him to give up his dreams to help me reach mine. Love was never an issue, just what we wanted long term. He confided in me when his brother had a baby last year that he needed to be honest...He didn't want kids and didn't want marriage. He said he wanted kids when he was 26 not 42.He was looking forward to retirement and he didn't want to have to be a cop for the next 20 years, He said I was the best person he had ever been with but he know I wanted kids and it wasn't fair to ask me to give that up.

I just couldn't trap him into having a baby with me. That's just not me. I can't complain bc I am dating someone who is amazing but this whole situation still hurts.

Hugs, Lost

December 6, 2005
11:18 pm
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I just don't understand why things like this happen........... It is so weird but I had a feeling this would happen. I am hurt but I am dealing with it better then I thought. I must be healing because if this would have happened two months ago I don't know what my reaction would be. I don't evne know what to say to either one of them. Feels like the hits just keep coming somedays.... Hug, Lost

December 7, 2005
2:33 am
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Regret
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FL,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so. I agree with every word that has been said here. That woman is nothing but a piece of s**t. I know it does not necessarily make you feel better but someday, you will wake up and thank God that you did not get what she has. And in btw, she is not only jealous of what you had. She is probably dying inside knowing that you have the heart to even think of forgiving her and now you are not all crazy and angry with the news. The scum!!!!

Hang in there lady. Ali is right- you are still the bigger person!!!

December 7, 2005
8:23 am
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I am just still in a state of shock. What do i do? Do i call him? Do I break off all contact? I don't know how to handle this.

December 7, 2005
8:39 am
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(((FL))))
I can certainly understand your state of shock...Adn also being "beside yourse;f" in what is transpiring.
Howver... This "friend" seems to have made both their beds, and now they have to lay in them. IF he TRULY didnt want children, and was totally healthy minded, don't you think that perhaps he wouldn't have put himself in the osition to let this happen??
I Have necountered some past 'friends' who were soo desperate, insecure and unhealthy that they went so far as to poke holes in condoms, and get pregnant almost maliciously, to get what and whom they wanted to be there 'forever.'
It does often backfire, and more thn that, causesa bigger mess than anyone who does this sort of thing has the foresight to comprehend.The biggest victim in this may well be the innocent child, and your Ex.
Who knows?!?!/ and who will ever really know but the two of them.

I can somewhat relate to your considering contacting him. But... realllllly... this is no longer your issue to deal with. Try to pick yourself up... adn focus on your self, your needs ,and remaining strong and confident that you made the right decision(s) for yourself and what you want in your future.
He stated what he wanted/didnt want for himself when you were together... and you RESPECTED that, and made the right decision(s) for yourself, and your life!!1 That takes a lot of courage, and strength... and although at the moment it seems like things have hit the proverbia lfan.... and you're feeling like she has the "Life you wanted." I can 99.9% say that it is NOT and never will be the life you wanted for yourself, because she went about getting these things in manipulative,mean,unhealthy ways.
There wil lalways be the lingering stigma lurking around that He didnt want this, and though he may "Play the part, and physically be there... his heart, and sincerity wont truly be open to this, and it could all get reaaallllly ugly, and miserable.

I believe you made the right choices for yourself. And I am so sorry this woman, who you thougfht was a real frind is showing her true colors and has betrayed so many things that define an honorable , true friendship.
Hang in there, hun.... You are quite strong, and will get through this wonderfully!!!
Thoughts and support are w/ you!!!!

((((hugs))))
~AW

December 7, 2005
8:42 am
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CAMER
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i think you should do what you want to do (with the phone calls) as long as you know it won't hurt you in anyway.

My prayers are with you....love, camer

December 7, 2005
8:57 am
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Every day this guy wakes up and has to go to work to support his new wife/baby instead of the retirement years he told you he wanted there will be a part of his brain/heart that resents them both. What a horrible feeling to know your husband, deep in his soul resents you and is only living the life you wanted because of an accident. Thank your lucky stars it's not you. This woman may gloat now, but trust me, she's scared because she knows in her heart she trapped this guy and she will be sleeping with one foot on the ground the rest of her life. Find someone closer in age to you that is ready and willing to experience all that you want out of this life, instead of compromising for anyone. Good luck. Pray to God for the health of the baby, it deserves a good and loving home no matter what and release the rest to God.

December 7, 2005
9:02 am
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feelinglost,

So glad to see you started a thread to discuss this. I cannot imagine being blind-sided like this. Above all, take care of yourself. If you can find a good professional counselor.....it could help you help sort things through as well.

Don't leave your email open to either him or her. Just step away from their chaos.........they think they can build a happy relationship on this foundation??

Be SO GLAD that you are not the one he got pregnant. Serious. I think you are one very very lucky girl.

My heart goes out to you for all the hurting. There are truly alot of people on this site who don't twist reality, who really try to find solidarity for themselves and others in truth. I hope you can learn to trust again.

Write some of those letters that let you pour out your feelings but that you don't mail......really try to spend some time writing down what you feel and think right now.

Best wishes,

December 7, 2005
9:45 am
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Exotic flower -

I didn't see the post either - so perhaps I didn't take it as personally as you thought you meant it. No harm done.

December 7, 2005
10:40 am
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I was emailing back and forth with my ex bo's best friend and I asked if he heard the news and he said yes:
Him:
Yes, I heard about that. Pretty wild huh?
Me:
yeah. I am really shocked. I mean that is the main reason we broke up.
Him:
I know, probably wasn’t planned, at least on his part.
Me:
well she tried to trap her ex boyfriend by not taking her birth control. I would bet my life that is what she did this time. How is he holding up? I am worried about him.
Him:
He was a basket case, initially, probably still is actually. Says he is going to try to work through it and do the right thing. This is not what he wanted. We got pretty well blitzed at Penn State in November talking about it. He is pretty shook up, but will step up to the plate and hope all works out.
Me:
I feel so sick for him. It is a shame. I could have NEVER done that to him as much as I loved him I didn't want to force him into something that he didn't want. Funny how life works.
Him:
You did the right thing.

December 7, 2005
10:47 am
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She sent me an email asking how I was and all said is I feel sick for him.

She wrote back: I'm sorry you feel that way and think that is the situation.This whole thing is between me and M, it has nothing to do with you or my for that matter. We are both very happy with our decision to have this child. We wish you the best in your life.

Just as a side note she was recently divorced from my ex bo's friend and fellow police officer.

I wrote back: Me too! I just know M better then you do. Remember we spend 3 1/2 years together. We have had a lot of conversations about kids & marriage. I just wasn't into traping him when I knew it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to retire in a few years, go on hunting trips, spend time with his friends, that's what he wanted. I guess he doesn't have a choice now. Well hopefully you realize what you are getting yourself into. Remember you were the one that asked me if I would want to be a single Mom if i stayed with Mark?

I guess that was mean but I couldn't help it. I saw an old email from her when I was struggling with my decision to leave. She asked if I would want to be a single mom since he was never around. They only have been dating for 5 months and she is 5 months pregnant. Does she think he change overnight???

December 7, 2005
10:53 am
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Oh lost,

I can only imagine how you are feeling.

I think it would be in your best interest NOT to continue to email this person. Block the email address.

At this point - you two can go round for round proving who is right and who is wrong - and neither will come out a winner.

You know in your heart you did the right thing - you ARE the bigger person - you will ALSO come out the WINNER in this - because she WILL end up a single mom - and he will end up trapped - and in your heart - you were kind enough not to do that to him and a child.

You know what the future holds for them - and in her heart - she knows it too. She is just being defensive, cuz she doesn't want to admit it. She was stupid enough to think that getting pregnant solves everything. And you know it doesn't.

Let this go - She speaks for him in his emails - but you know she is only trying to talk herself into believing this is all for the best.

Feel sorry for her - you know what she is in for - and it isn't pretty.

Pat yourself on the back for being a better person. And know that you will be rewarded with a loving, supportive man that will love you and adore you and plan a family with you.

please consider blocking their email - for your own sanity.

December 7, 2005
10:55 am
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now she wrote back: Like I said, you obviously don't know the situation and you are making
assumptions about what happened.

So my suggestion to you is move on with your life and quit worrying
about ours.

I just wrote: I feel sorry for you. I am done with this now

December 7, 2005
10:56 am
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I am blocking it right now! Thanks

December 7, 2005
11:00 am
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Anonymous
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and be done with it...okay?

I think she probably took your gesture at the restaurant as an open invitation to tell you all her happiness - like you guys were back to friends again....which I don't suppose was your true intention.

At this point - you know how this will end - she is going to defend herself til the end - so realize that it's not worth your time to get into it with her - and waste more of your valuable time mulling this over.

Get back to no contact - for your own sanity - and work on how to make YOUR life and your holidays the best they can be.

It is sad that he didn't listen to you about her - but in the end, he will have to live with his mistake until the day he dies....and there is nothing you can do that will make him realize it any more than he does when he wakes up next to her every day. I know you care about him - but he is a big boy - and he made his bed - now he has to lie in it.

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