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Old Codie vs recovering codie………..
January 13, 2009
10:57 am
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atalose
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September 24, 2010
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Yesterday I was told that my exbf the committaphobic the emotional unavailable come here go away guy is retiring from his job.

My very first thought was…. O, I’ll send him an e-mail or a card to congratulate him.

My second thought was……..why am I even thinking of sending him anything.

My initial thought was to be kind and caring and warm and thoughtful. Very codependent thinking especially when it involved acting in those ways towards someone who really didn’t deserve it. Then I thought was I still being resentful or bitter, hell no, I was being healthy

I have scene this guy a few times in the last 9 years and we were both cordial but superficial.

Last year I went through a life threatening illness and I know for a fact he knew what I was going through. No card, no emails, nothing so why would I even think to send him a card to congratulate him on his retirement------my codie thinking rearing it’s ugly head again.

My recovery thinking is this…….it is what it is, a relationship that was over a long time ago. We have no contact today we have no connections that entwine our lives such as mutual friends, we’ve never exchanged Christmas cards it is what it is…OVER….my codie thinking jumped right to being the nice person, the thoughtful person and thinking what harm could sending a card be……well a lot to my recovery if I want to continue moving forward instead of looking back.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 13, 2009
11:51 am
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lovin life
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thanks for sharing. a great example of the subtle, cunning, unhealthy thinking that can inhabit a codie's brain. and left unchecked and unexamined...can run amok!

good for you....

January 13, 2009
12:50 pm
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caraway
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atalose,

Don't open that door!

Your post made me think; Why are we so driven to reach out to past relationships in this way? For me, the temptation is so strong to connect with old loves that some days I can't resist and convince myself that emailing or calling to "check" on them, or coming up with some excuse is ligitimate.

I suppose I am still seeking approval, or to confirm that they still (want me).

Always look back and forward but rarely looking around me.

Cary

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