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January 8, 2006
2:20 pm
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jt05tappb
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confused now ive been on this for a while but its only making it worse its making me feel even more dum being here what being 13 and everyone being older than me and im like what the hell am i doing here why am i so screwed up?

January 8, 2006
2:23 pm
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Anonymous
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I wish I had a board like this when I was 13 - perhaps I could have gotten help and not spent the next 20 years in turmoil.

Don't feel stupid for being so young - we all were hurting just as much as you were at your age. Many of us had nobody to turn to, not even a support board.

I only read part of your other post, but I think in general, you need to find outside support for your situation. A therapist or counselor - cuz your mom isn't equipped to help and your dad seems to choose not to. Perhaps he doesn't know how.

I think it's important for you to find someone to talk to. Do you have a counselor in school? Can you call the family doctor and ask him for a name?

January 8, 2006
2:38 pm
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jt05tappb
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No i cant talk to a councellor or doctor
i dont mean to be harsh but people dont seem to see im 13 i cant go into therapy at 13 how mentel would people think i am
at school all info leaks out hc's ex is on councelling and everyone knows because the school cant keep a dam fing 2 itself
i dont wanna go on councelling maybe in 5 years or something but no way at 13 am i going on councelling no way.

January 8, 2006
2:46 pm
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bonni
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dear JT,
i started counseling at 15. there's nothing wrong with you for getting help right now. you do need some adult help and guidance now that mom and dad are not fully available.

i think you are welcome on this board. i hope you can feel the warmth & compassion that has been extended to you. we can tell you are in pain and want to help.

I think your best bet may be your dad. you may need to just tell him you need someone to talk to about your mom and other female issues that you prefer not to discuss with him so that you can be stronger (since that's what he says he wants). what about your best friend? does she have a parent you could talk to and trust?

January 8, 2006
2:48 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Jt:

Lots of kids your age go to counseling. And why care what they say at school. You seem to be strong in all the other areas. Why let someone's words hurt you.

Ijust said on the other thread. Get you a support system together. I think that will bring you up amazingly.

Jt.... I know things seem really wrong, and I am not saying they are not, I am not there w/ you, but you are the only one that can take your situation and turn it around. And yes, sometimes it does take counseling. And if you are so against counseling try the support system.

Just coz you are 13 I don't think anyone here holds that against you. I think you are gonna get the straight up talk that everyone else gets.

January 8, 2006
2:49 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm sorry, you feel like you can't get the help that is out there.

My best friend has four children - and the oldest will be 13 in march. The two older ones are boys and are bipolar and the whole family goes to counseling three times a week, at night.

It is a HUGE burden, but I have seen these boys go from being suicidal and hating everything to loving life again.

Counseling helps. And they can help you with the stigma of your peers knowing too.

Could you get counseling outside school? You could call your doctor and ask for help - and by law, they have to help you.

Then your friends wouldn't have to know about it.

I don't know what other options you have if you won't consider counseling.

You need to want to help yourself in order for anyone else to help you get better.

My mom attempted suicide when I was 11. And that was back in 1982. WAY before your time. And I used to go to the guidance counselor's office to call my mom at the hospital every day at lunch time to see how she was doing. And all the kids teased me, and wanted to know what the problem was. But that was my business and nobody else's. And it was more important that I go and call my mom than what other's thought of me.

Real friends won't think badly of you - and anyone that does - isn't a true friend.

January 8, 2006
2:53 pm
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jt05tappb
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I really cant stand peoples put downs ive been through it with my dad
school is like my sancutary i long for the weekends to be over and to be back at school not for lessons or other stuff but for an escape from the unreal life i live with my dad and 26 year old brother. therefore another reason i dont want to go councelling in school
my dad HATES councelling and would only go to me talk to your mates about it then so thats no go to. i know noone holds it against me that im 13 and i do feel the warmth im getting that i haven't got for a long time but its making me more upset learning i should go to councelling

January 8, 2006
2:59 pm
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mamacinnamon
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ok then Jt... If counseling is so upsetting.... do the support group.
You do have options ya know. You are bright. What would be some options you would be comfortable with.

January 8, 2006
2:59 pm
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jt05tappb
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Whats a support group?

January 8, 2006
3:07 pm
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mamacinnamon
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A support group is a group of folks that know you are having problems and they will be there for you if you need to talk. Like your friend is there for you when you need to talk. Just add a few adults to the mix. Maybe a friend's mom; youth pastor at church if you attend; a teacher you are close to....
could be anyone that is gonna be there for you to support you. Not tell you what you want to hear but actually care and give you advice and listen.

January 8, 2006
3:27 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi jt and welcome to the site.

I understand very well how you feel about counseling. I felt the same way when I was your age. I had a lot to deal with when I was young and my parents made me go. I really didn't want to so I just went but I didn't listen. I too was afraid about what other people would think if they knew.

I know you may not to hear this but I have to tell.....I wish I would have listened. My problems never did go away, and in some cases, they got worse...and guess what...I ended up in therapy anyway....just 20 years a lot of pain later. Not to mention the fact that when I was young, my parents had to pay for it....now I have to pay for it myself. LOL

I know being young there is a lot of pressure out there to be "cool". But I am willing to bet that a lot of those kids that you are worried about are worrying about the same exact thing. Please don't let what others MIGHT think stop you from taking care of yourself.

Take care,
Lolli

January 8, 2006
3:37 pm
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Anonymous
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I am sorry that I made you uncomfortable by insisting therapy is the way to go.

But I see how well it has helped my friend, who's kids are your age.

I know it's hard - I am 34 and my dad is 60 and mocks me about my trips to therapy. But I go anyway.

It's my life and my sanity and nobody will stop me from finding my own sense of well being.

Can you join a church or youth group? Can you talk to a teacher you trust? Can you talk to a family member or one of your friend's parents? Is there any "fun groups" you can join - like a hobby or craft class or music lessons.

I think perhaps you need to find something to do outside the house.

When I was your age, and my life was miserable - I found comfort in babysitting. I found a family I could babysit every weekend and they let would go away saturday afternoon and return really late - so I would stay overnight and get paid for it. And they would bring me home sunday - and sometimes I would help the mom houseclean on sunday, so I didn't have to go home too early. And I earned money this way and also became close to the family - they were my "comfort". I took care of 3 kids. And they would also take me on vacations and things like the amusement park with them too, in return, I rode the rides with the kids, so they didn't have to (the mom had a bad back and couldn't ride them).

My cousin has a bad life at home and she found comfort in the community theater/drama group.

I'll keep thinking of other ideas.

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