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OK, so I'm codependent... now what do I do?
November 26, 2000
7:35 pm
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gingerleigh
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I've been surfing through these discussions for a few weeks now, and I kept seeing references to a condition called codependency. Interestingly enough to me, codependency seemed to come up mostly in those threads that I could most relate to... people talking about abusive relationships, or instances where the writer feels hopeless, stupid, unfulfilled, unloved, useless... and these feelings are coming to the forefront during interactions with life-partners. So I did a little web research on codependency. What I read shocked and scared me, because it was like I was reading something that might have been my diary from the time I was about 6 years old, only written dispassionately by an adult with a formal education. So much made sense about my constant searching for more, not ever being happy with my own accomplishments, feeling threatened by my husband's successes, my attempts to escape through alcohol, drugs or ifidelity... all this I can trace back to a codependent parent. It's so complicated, because I can see that her mother (and father) was also codependent on her.

Now I want to break the cycle. Battle #1 is won, because I have discovered the problem. But now remains recovery.

Can anyone recommend a good place to start? Books? Web sites? Exercises? Reflection aids? I am seeking therapy, but I would like to have my "homework done" prior to selecting a long term counsellor so that I will be best positioned to help her/him to help me.

Thank you all.

Ginger Leigh

PS: If others are also wanting to read more about codependency, a very good site that I found is at:

http://www.artdsm.com/recover/index.html

November 27, 2000
7:06 pm
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Molly
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Love your self, be complete being you, read and read and read, develop a life that you love, go where you want to go, don't look for validation, co-signing, or support. Be complete with who you are, and your ok all by your self.

November 28, 2000
1:12 am
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c
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Thanks for the link to that site. I'm actually doing a research paper on co-dependency. It's for a psych. class i'm taking And I have also been a bit co-dependant myself at times So i thought it would be good to do research on.
All i can say is, generally It does have alot to do with your family as you already know. A book I suggest you read is "The Family" by John bradshaw. It is very helpful in understanding yourself and why you are like this. It talks alot about these issues.. If you want to know more about the book just let me know.

November 28, 2000
6:59 am
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janes
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melody Beattie's books on codep are good so is Pia Melody

Weird about the names eh.

November 28, 2000
6:24 pm
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gingerleigh
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Thanks all for the advice. I actually just ordered both Melody books off Amazon.

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