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Ok I've had it
June 18, 2006
3:52 pm
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Rubyblue
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September 30, 2010
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He doesn't live here but he constanly tells us what to do!!!! Yes today is Father's Day but he showed up before his teenaged son was even out of bed. Then he complains he's not in a good mood. Do you live with him???? He's the one who cheated on me and sent me into 6 months of deep depression, but now I'm supposed to walk on eggshells because somehow it was all my fault. I can't do it anymore. He calls 4-5 times a day and I'm suppsed to be the way he wants me to be, whatever that is. If I'm in a good mood --then I must have a boyfriend, but if I'm lonely and depressed I'm making him feel bad. I just can't do it anymore. I told him to get out and don't call or come over. I know that no contact is the way to go at this point, but I doubt that he can do it and I'll probably give in. Please help me to stay strong!!!!!

June 18, 2006
4:03 pm
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readyforachange
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September 27, 2010
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((((rubyblue))) I can definitely feel how frustrated you are with this situation. Is this your husband, ex, STBX? I'm sorry, I just don't know your story.

My ex and I have 2 kids. They spend 90% of their time with me, but the little time he does spend with them he manages to ruin. He complains about their habits, the fact that they want to spend time with their friends, how much gas he has to put in his car to get them from place to place...YIKES! It drives me nuts.

I only have two suggestions for you:

1. You cannot change him or control his behavior...but you can control how you react to it and the boundaries you set. If he is to spend time with your kids on certain days, make sure there are times that he is to arrive, and tell the kids they should be up and ready at that time. If he shows up early, he'll just have to sit outside the house and wait.

2. You can be the best MOM you can be. You can't be their dad, but you can love them and support them as best you can. This includes not talking bad about their dad, no matter how much you want to. That will come back to bite you later on, and the kids will resent you for it. Just stay strong...vent here, complain about him to a friend or other adult. Leave the kids out of it.

(((ruby))) hang in there!

June 21, 2006
6:07 am
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Rubyblue
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September 30, 2010
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Thanks Ready for your advice but unfortuneately I did not stand my ground and I.m still stuck in the middle of this mess. We were married for 17 years and I.m not sure whether his plan is to end it or just torture me for the rest of my life. If I seem to be doing OK , he swears it must mean I have aboyfriend and I do not. If I'm lonely and insecure he tells me to stop controlling him, I just can't win. I can't find a middle ground and I don't have the strength to stay away from him. I feel like he just walks all over me and then says I'm walking all over him. When is this going to get better?Thanks for listening, Ruby

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