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Ok, I need to move on now!
December 20, 2001
1:39 pm
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Starbaby
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Hello! Just need to vent for a minute...
A-hem! (clearing my throat)
On my last post, I mentioned that I had a converstion with my daughter's father about "another woman." To make a long story short, he had always denied there was anything going on between them. He has told me that he doesn't have any contact with her, etc, etc.

WELL, I found out today that is not true! She is apparently still in the picture and has been trying to help with with his upcoming court date. I'm handling it ok..no tears or anything, but I have a lot of anger. I know he will call me this evening and I will let him know about my new discovery. I want him to know that I know, but I won't let him feed me anymore B.S. After I hang up with him, that is it and I'll be on the way to my 21 days!

I have some of his money which he wanted me to hold onto in case he was able to find a more competent lawyer, but I think I'll just keep it for our daughter? Do you think that is wrong? He could face a lot more time if he doesn't get a good lawyer.

My friend says that I shouldn't even pick up the phone at all and just cut him off and let him figure it out why I won't talk to him. I don't agree with that because I feel that I should confront him and let him know that I'm DONE with this. Denial is a pain in the ass and I guess I've not listened to my gut because it was easier than feeling the pain of betrayal. Now, I'm just tired of it all and want to start fresh. The idea of that feels good to me, but a little scary too.

Please let me know what you all think.
Thanks!

December 20, 2001
2:53 pm
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artist 2
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You know what I'd do? I wouldn't call, I wouldn't write, nothing, nitz, zero. Don't use the money or "your discovery" as an excuse to make contact.... DON'T DO IT.

Just play it cool... and let him be the one. The fact that you know what you know is your ace. Hang on to it, don't give it to him!

December 20, 2001
3:06 pm
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Starbaby
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Artist2

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm a little confused though. (as I was with my friend's response) Do you think I should just stop contact with him altogether and never let him know what I fouund out?

I have trouble dealing with that because I want so badly to "bust him".

Also, what do you think about the money? He'll need it soon since he has court in about a month, so is it really evil of me to keep it, knowing if he doesn't get a better lawyer that he'll get more time in jail?

Thanks

December 20, 2001
3:22 pm
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artist 2
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Hm. OK. Follow your friend's advice. You have the ACE. Ever hear of a poke face? Show him your poker face, but don't be direct about what you know until the time is right. And, you'll know when the time is right. If you want so badly to bust him, don't blow it at first chance... wait until to right moment. I can't tell you when that moment might be...but you will know. Watch every move - yours and his - be the partial observer. Pay attention. You will know when the moment comes.

The money? That's really a tough call. Cover yourself. Is it in an account with your name on it? Is he on the account? How did you happen upon it? It's hard to say what to do about it. If you keep it, you'll be reminded of him. If you give it to him, you'll be helping him out-which you don't want to do at this time. You could just feel virtuous - AND FREE OF HIM - by cutting the cords, giving him all the money, and be done with him. Depends on how long you want his memory hanging around... Do you want him to stay around, or would you feel better being completely free (that is giving him the money back)?

On second thought, if it were me, I wouldn't want to play banker for him. Just like my ex wanted me to store some very expensive equipment of his: I found some unsavory information about him, and took the stuff out of my house because I didn't want any part of him near me. I left it on the porch.

December 20, 2001
3:31 pm
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Starbaby
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Here's the scoop on the money. He received a check from an insurance company, but was in jail when it came, so couldn't cash it. He signed it over to me and I deposited it in my account(only in my name). He said I could keep some for our daughter, but wanted me to hold on to the rest for when he got out. Now, I know he wants to use it to get a lawyer. I want to keep it since I'm pissed and he hasn't given me money for our daughter up to this point. The other thing is, since we have a daughter..I don't know if he'll ever be fully out of my life. She would be better off w/o him, but I know he'll try to see her and one day, she may want to meet him.

I asked about the money because I didn't want to make the wrong decision out of anger.

December 20, 2001
3:45 pm
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artist 2
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I'd take the amount he owes your daughter and start a trust fund with it. Be sure to add interest accrued for the number of days or months if he is late in giving the money. He can keep the rest. Keep the deposit slips and receipts for your records. Be sure to cover yourself in case lawyers get involved. Know clearly your side of the story. Be sure to keep anger and any emotions out of it, it may make you look bad... Also, know how much you want him to see her, make a plan and some decisions about how YOU want it to be. Keep the control girlfriend!

December 20, 2001
3:56 pm
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Starbaby
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Thanks Artist2!

December 20, 2001
6:01 pm
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Molly
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I take it your not married? Cuz if you are, its community funds, that means yours. If you are not married, and the check was in his name, and you signed it for him, and put it in your account, unless you have some sort of documentation, could he call it forgery? The trust fund for your daughter is good, is he mandated to pay child support, you could always cover your self with that. Any court would buy it, and heck if he is in jail aren't the calls sometimes monitored ? Just cover your butt with the legal issues, but I would find a way so that he never ever sees a dime.
I wouldn't call him on a bet, I wouldn't take his calls and send the mail back to sender. He made his bed (s) let him lie in it.

December 20, 2001
10:05 pm
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artist 2
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Wow Molly. I didn't really consider the forgery thing. I'm sooooo glad you read this.

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