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Obsessive thoughts
October 22, 2006
5:45 pm
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codependantnomore
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I have recently discovered that I am very co dependant. I have been in recovery from drug addiction for 15 years and have been 'clean and sober' for 14. Now I have found that much of root behavior is in co dependency and much of that come in the form of obsessive thoughts about the person that I am trying to fix.

Does anyone have any practical advice?

I am working at thinking things through. Like when I wonder what he is doing or get paranoid as to why he has not called I think it through - "it is none of my business what he is doing" - "What would I say and what would change if he did call?"

What I end up with is the realization that I am playing a game of control and that I am looking to get emotionally 'filled' by a situation and a person that is not going to fill anything! This helps but I still get tired of the thoughts and having to work through them every time they come up.

Does anyone have any advice – can anyone let me know how they worked things like this through? I realize that it will take time and I am getting ‘better’ but I would like to hear others experiences.

Thanks in advance!

October 22, 2006
6:30 pm
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ggfred4
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I just admitted I was codependent very recently...I was diagnosed codep. 5 months ago...This is what I am doing for me...Reading the codependent's guide to twelve steps by Melodie Beattie, attending coda meetings online...no face to face meetings near, but not ready for that anyway....

This is the best part...you can't fail. You just start over with step one when YOU decide you need to...I am learning a lot about myself, most I don't like at all, but then that encourages me to change...

Hope this helps, but you need to check it out and decide when YOU are ready and willing...

This aac site is the best for support no matter what mood you are in and so many experienced people here.

Good luck...GG

October 22, 2006
10:16 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I deal with the same things my friend. If no contact if possible..that is the only way. And work on yourself. Easier said than done, I should know. But compared to 3 weeks ago.....I'm better. You will be too.

October 22, 2006
10:25 pm
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sis_who_got_help
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I find that journaling helps. If you put your feelings in writing, they are released. You can even do it in the form of letters you never send to the other person. Just make sure the person will never come across them. I also find that changing the focus back to myself helps. I go exercise or go window shopping or sit back and listen to music. I also like scrapbooking so that helps. When I was first breaking the cycle of codependance, I crocheted all the time. It kept my hands and mind busy enough to not dwell on "fixing" someone or obsessing on what someone else was doing. I hope this helps.

October 24, 2006
9:57 am
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codependantnomore
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Thank you for the great suggestions! Things are slowly getting better. I am working toward "no contact". I had planed on driving my obsesson around all day to get his errands done - (driving an hour and half away from my home to pick him up) and then having him stay over night only to drive him back for another errand tomorrow.

I canceled the day. I did it at 4am via text message - which I regret but - that was when I had the courage. I have not heard anything from him yet - and may not - but I am making the efforts to stay focused on myself.

Thank you for the support!

October 24, 2006
10:03 am
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ggfred4
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codep.; I think I am learning that this is going to be an ongoing way of life, climbing a ladder upward, but can always start over...Take care...

October 24, 2006
11:00 am
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Iluvemenow
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GG,
I was reading this post and I saw that you mentioned online coda meetings. Could you let me know a little more about it. I am not comfortable with going to cota meetings right now and I thought this would be a better way for me to work through some of my issues.
Thanks
Iluvemenow

October 24, 2006
11:33 am
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ggfred4
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I wouldn't be comfortable either...I just went to google and wrote codependents anonymous, codependent groups, etc. and started digging. There is a lot of info and still going through it...Good luck...

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