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Obsessed
November 3, 2006
6:06 pm
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ArieAnne
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I have been dating a guy for a year now and I am constantly in worry and obsession about whether he will call, will he leave me. I mean I get really out there. I don't focus at work and I am isolating. I have slowly quit taking care of myself (i.e. exercising and going to self help groups.) I have suicidal ideations when I think about him leaving me. I AM SICK OF FEELING THIS WAY.

November 3, 2006
6:32 pm
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taj64
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September 30, 2010
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Sounds like love addiction to me. I just read a book on it. It is called Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody. It really is a terrible situation to be in. I could easily tell you that you need to get out of this relationship for your own good but only you can make that decision. It is self destructing to throw yourself away just for a man. Why are you insecure with this man? Is he treating you badly? this book was very harsh for me to read but sadly it was me in that book. It has been well over a year since I have even seen the guy I was addicted to. We have a few contacts here and there. But Im still obsessed in some ways. I still think about him way too much. It is in my brain. Im still trying to read information. I know I need therapy of some sort. My issues with love addiction have to do with my childhood abandonments and his abandonment of me caused me some deep trauma. And everyting was unleashed after the breakup. If you are just dating the guy, You need to get out of it, my advice. You are not living together, don't have a commitment, and are not married. It is not worth the destruction believe me. Breaking up was the worse experience of my lifetime and very painful but today is not as painful. I still have moments where I feel hurt, and the miss yous and sometimes urges to where I wish I could see him but to see him would to set me back a mile away and to be in that anxiety stage where you seem to be. This relationship the way it is very unhealthy and will likely get worse not better. If you do not fix yourself now, all your relationships after this will be the same as well. Read as much as you can and talk as much as you can.

November 3, 2006
6:52 pm
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gracenotes
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ArieAnne,

I wanted to add that I agree that what you are experiencing is love addiction. I, too, have read Facing Love Addiction and it has been a tremendously helpful and healing book for me, and started me well on my way to healing that obsessive stuff that I didn't want. It helps to call this something, to learn what it is, and there are ways you can end this unwanted obsession.

November 3, 2006
8:01 pm
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atalose
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I don't know alot about love addiction but I do know that obessive thinking and worry leads to ruining a relationship. Your insecurities could push him away. You not taking care of yourself could push him away. I would take tajs and graces advise and purchase that book.
Years ago I met a guy who was good looking, nice, kind and we got along very well. He became obsessive of where I was, who I was with, etc. etc. He ended up calling me a dozen times a day. It was too much and I felt smothered and imprisoned. I tried talking to him about it, he excused his behavior away with telling me how much he cared and how he didn't want to lose me. But that's exactely what happened.
I think that when we find something we truely care about we are afraid of losing it, but when we take that to extremes, we drive ourselves crazy and those we love.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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