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Now what do i do?
October 30, 2003
3:55 pm
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artist 2
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He forgot the ad leitum (person from the courts who decides what's best in the child's interest) was coming today and I have had something planned for tonight now for two months. He really wants me to cancel this thing and show up and help him make a good impression on the ad leitum. I would have to miss the thing I had planned on.

I can't decide if I should sacrifice this thing and help him make face, or tell him too bad he should have written it down. Either way I lose out. Guilt if I go to my thing, resentment if I don't and go to rescue him.

This is typical for him because he forgets everything - even my birthday. I've told him about writing it down, making himself notes, but he never does. In a way I say it serves him right, but the other side says don't you love him enough to help him?

What should I do???

October 30, 2003
4:07 pm
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unhappy camper
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This is going to be a real test. If you are not there and it doesn't go well, could he lose custody of his son?

Any chance of doing some of both?

October 30, 2003
4:10 pm
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artist 2
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I know...

thanks Camper.

... I don't think he'd lose custody -- he's had since he was one -- he's now seven. But, it would increase her chances of getting him overnight. We scared of that because she left him alone for hours on two separate occasions when the son was on an over night visit.

The two locations are on separate ends of town... I could do it, but it would be tough. Maybe I should anyway.

I just don't know what to do really. I can't help feel like I'm being taken for granted here.

October 30, 2003
4:17 pm
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unhappy camper
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Well, you are unfortunately.

Do you still love your partner?

October 30, 2003
4:19 pm
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unhappy camper
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You don't have to answer that post. You will know in your heart.

Best wishes,
hugs,
camper

October 30, 2003
4:43 pm
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Hermione
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He has put you in a really tough position because he is choosing not to change ie. learn to write stuff down and give you the respect of knowing in advance - yes he does want you to rush in and save the day - maybe it would be good for his esteem to get through it on his own.
Don't feel guilty - you know that if he had given you fair warning you would have been there rain, hail or shine. Save yourself from resentment - do what you intended to do and maybe next time he will give you the respect of giving you fair notice.
Its a tough one - do it all if you truly want to - if you will still be able to enjoy your evening - maybe limit your time at their house to only part of the time that the ad leitum will be there. Don't run yourself ragged.
Hope it all works out, H

October 30, 2003
4:43 pm
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Got it figured out. Sometimes it just helps to voice it. Thanks again.

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