Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
February 13, 2006
11:11 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

This is my newest motto! I've realized that I will continue to see the same results if I keep making the same mistakes!!!!!!! I keep repeating the same patterns over and over... and then acting surprised and hurt when my actions yield the same results. How can I expect anything different????? I have totally SET IT UP THAT WAY!!!

I would like for this to be a day of change for me and for anyone else who is ready to make some changes.

Today... I vow to myself that I will STOP the madness. I will not repeat this "pattern". I WILL do something different. I WILL be willing to step outside of my "comfort zone". I WILL back up my words with actions this time!!!! NO more threats!!!! Time to follow through. Nothing changes if nothing changes!!!!!!!

Is anyone else out there ready to make a change??? If so, please share it with us!!! I think we could all use the support, I know I could!

Peace and Love,

TC

February 13, 2006
11:24 am
Avatar
gofigure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am in the process of making a change and I am scared to death!
I am moving out of my house into an apartment with my daughters while my husband stays. It has been years coming, but I have to admit that now that it is getting so close (I can sign the lease this week and intend to be moved in by the end of the month) my fears have come to a head and I wonder if I can really handle this--financially, emotionally, etc. The only thing that is keeping me moving is the fact that I have felt trapped and dying for far too long. I have never in my life come this far regarding respecting myself and my wants and needs. This is completely unchartered territory, but you're right, if nothing changes nothing changes. I am having a particularly hard time today and I am afraid, but I can't turn back now.

February 13, 2006
11:29 am
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I am with you guys. I did alot of thinking this past weekend about how I want my life to play out or atleast what path I want to follow. And I know if I keep doing the same thing things won't get any better. So I too want to make a change moving forward. I am just so scared. I haven't been single in 10 years so it will be a big new change for me. I really hope I can do it!!

February 13, 2006
11:33 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Gofigure

Stay strong!!!! You are well on your way to making monumental, life-changing, positive changes! You should be very proud of yourself. Don't let your fear make you slip back into an un-healthy situation! I have faith that once you conquer the FEAR, you will have a new-found inner strength and peace, which will then be your primary motivator! STRENGTH, not FEAR!!!!! Doesn't that sound great!

Keep the faith!!!

Love and support to you!!!!

TC

February 13, 2006
11:38 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

butterflybaby!!!

I'm so glad to have you with us!!!! Let's really do this!! Let's not just talk the talk!! Let's walk the walk!! Let's make the people in our lives scratch their heads in wonder!! Let's make them say "Hey, Where did that old, dependable doormat go?? Who's this new gal that I don't recognize, with all of the confidence and self-esteem???"

I want that to be us! It can be! NOthing changes if nothing changes!

Be strong! Conquer the fear! Let's do this together!

TC

February 13, 2006
12:12 pm
Avatar
gofigure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you TC. The last thing I want is to let fear suck me back into an unhealthy relationship, so I refuse to allow my fear to control me. Your kind words and your support have helped me this morning more than you know. Thank you.
~go

February 13, 2006
12:13 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC,

Yes this is def something I want to actually do not just say I'm going to do. I have been saying it for like over a year. It is just so to finally make that break away from the usual. I am so comfortable with things now cuz I know what the outcome will be even though its not the outcome I want. I am going to try really hard to stay super postive cuz doing that helps me stay focused and I think I need to get some good motivational books too. I don't want to look back and wonder why I stayed in a bad stich for so long. I did that once before and I don't want to do it again.

February 13, 2006
1:50 pm
Avatar
gettingthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi i would like to join i have to do something in my life too IF YOU DO AS YOUV'E ALWAYS DONE YOU'LL GET WHAT YOUV'E ALWAYS GOT,just had to write that,,,i am in a relationship that i know is going nowhere but i cling on for what reasons are beyond me anymore but i do know i am scared of that letting go feeling so i put it off and put it off so i am trying to change my life so yes i am with u on that one.........GT

February 13, 2006
1:54 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hmmmmm, .... how did I know this thread was yours???? 😉

You go girl! And keep going, and going, and going....

Energizer Bunny look out!!!

I'll be online this afternoon, sweetcheeks. (Not that I've ever seen your cheeks. Boy, am I Southern or what?!!) Maybe we can chat.

TraCo

February 13, 2006
1:56 pm
Avatar
LotusTampa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This is so right on! I have been doing the same damn thing over and over and over again...and it has caused me to nearly lose my mind with this last one.

I always think, "well, they won't like me anyway...so, why not give 'em sex"...WRONG! What was I thinking?!

Oh my god, I've cheated myself out of so many potentially nice relationships and instead sat in my house moping, crying, missing out on the beauty of life---all for schmucks who didn't give a diddly doo doo about me!

NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!

February 13, 2006
2:00 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We can all do this. None of us want or deserve the same ole same ole. So we have to decide to make a change and stick with it no matter how scared or nervous about it we are. We have all made it this far therefore I'm sure we can get through much more. I am learning to have faith in myself. I can do it!!

February 13, 2006
2:27 pm
Avatar
terbear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The most important lesson I've learned through AA is Insanity: repeating the same thing over and over again expecting different results..I did this with my drinking and my relationships, than I was shocked and hurt..I think if I change one thing at a time its not so overwhelming..

February 13, 2006
2:36 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

gettingthere,

I like your slogan too... It's also very true!!

You said you are "clinging on"... what would happen if you just "let go"? Is the horrible pain of letting go any less bearable than the horrible pain of being continuously hurt????

See, the letting go pain will be temporary, but the hanging on pain, goes on indefinitely (for as long as WE allow it to). We have to realize that this is IN OUR CONTROL!! We are not victims!

The stronger we are, the more respect we'll have for ourselves and the more attractive we'll become to all those around us. Who wants to hang out with a Grumpy Gus? OK, that was LAME!!! But, my point is that I KNOW I have worn my friends down to their very last nerve with the constant talk of my ex-bf... the ups, the downs, the ins, the outs, the love, the hate, the pain, the joy and then BACK to the beginning again... Love, hate, joy, pain, up, down... blah, blah, blah!!!!!! In my MIND, everytime we have some sort of BREAKTHROUGH or emotional revelation, I think "This time is different!!! It is going to work out this time!!" I rationalize the crap out of it (with my rose colored glasses perched proudly on my nose), but they've seen it before and they know it will happen again. I get defensive... stop talking to them for a while and then...CRASH! It begins AGAIN!!! Nothing changed. Why???? Say it with me!!! Because NOTHING CHANGED dammit!!! I was still the same, he was still the same. The dynamic was still the same. It will not change until something changes!!!

He obviously is not up for that challenge, so I NEED to take matters into my own hands. I need to save myself!!!

I know it will hurt. I know it will be difficult. I know I will have temptations to fall back. I KNOW that because I've been there! Too many times. THIS TIME, I will not give in to the urge, unless... something changes!!!! Not a word, not a promise, but REAL tangable changes!!! Something so big that it leaves NO ROOM for flowery interpretation on my part. I will not need to sugar coat it, over-explain it or have my fancy rosy spectacles on to see it. It will be larger than life!!! A gesture of COMMITMENT TO CHANGE, commitment to ME and commitment to dealing with his own issues. once and for all!!

I don't think he has it in him and I'm not hopeful for it. Is it what I want more than anything in the world? Absolutely!!! BUT, I am realistic. I know that the chances of this happening are slim to none, unless I change.

Wow... I certainly went off on a tangent there, didn't I? Sorry!

LotusTampa, Someone will give a diddly doo doo (cute) about you once you give one about yourself!!! Do you love YOU???

TraCo, My cheeks ARE cute, by the way... and the ones on my face aren't bad either!!! I'll talk to you later.

TC

February 13, 2006
2:41 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey tc - I just posted my LAST thread about my ex b/f and then I read this thread!

I'm with you guys. I too have decided that things will never change between us and I've resigned myself to that fact.

It's hard...I'm walking around like a zombie....I hurt, I cry, but I have to do this one LAST time....feel the pain and the hurt. I have to for my own sanity. Then I will be free to find happiness with someone that truly loves me.

So I'm here with you guys.....let's stay strong. 🙂

February 13, 2006
2:42 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

terbear,

You are right. Baby steps are best... I don't think that we all need to stand up tall and proud and sing a booming chorus of the Twisted Sister song "We're not gonna take it anymore!"... (anyone here around in the 80's???)... anyway, I just feel that something (no matter how small) has to change in order for us to see different results. Small changes, one step at a time will add up to big changes in the long run.

Thanks for interupting the pep rally to remind us that we don't need to change EVERYTHING all at once!!!

Love,

TC

February 13, 2006
2:49 pm
Avatar
gettingthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tc66 yer i know what you mean smetimes there is just no going on with a relationship you try and try each time nothing changes,,
actualy i nicked that slogan out of a book but its good,, i thought i would share it here as its along the same lines
i thankyou for youre kind words of support and youre right the pain does go on as long as we allow it too but i am with you n this one there is noway am i gonna waste the rest of my life on this relationship ,,,,,,,GT

February 13, 2006
3:09 pm
Avatar
whidbey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Count me in!!

February 13, 2006
3:21 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

COUNT ME IN TOO..........i learned of the "nothing changes if nothing changes" and have gone this route so many times...why??? cuz of fear, i liked staying in my comfy zone, or waiting till tomorrow to change, and then the same excuse the next day...etc....lets all make positive changes for ourselves and see the difference!!!
(((camer)))

February 13, 2006
3:33 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Whidbey, What is one SMALL thing you are going to do to help change something BIG?!! Just one thing?

HSB, I'm sorry you are hurting again. It's amazing how the pain doesn't lessen over time, isn't it? It actually seems more devastating everytime for me!! If that's even possible??? I think that less of it has to do with the bf and MORE has to do with ME at this point. I have so much anger towards myself for continuing to perpetuate the cycle, for continuing to throw myself under that same bus, for setting myself up for rejection, time and time again. By continuing to persue this man, I have given HIM control of how I will feel about myself based on his reaction to me!!??? It is a gamble... Sometimes I win, but when I lose, BOY DO I LOSE!!! I have given him soooo much power over me!!! I am angry about THAT. I am SAD about that. It's not him. HE is not the problem! The problem is the position I have allowed him take in my life. I'VE given him that and only I can take it away!!!

February 13, 2006
3:34 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

(((Camer))),

Can you share one thing that your doing to make a change? Maybe it will help one of us...

TC

February 13, 2006
3:45 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi TC.

You always manage to be positive and upbeat, in spite of the turmoil you are living. I'm with you too.

I was reading the book "It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken", yesterday. I like that it can make light of the end of a relationship, even though I have to admit that it hurt to read it.

The author's strongly recommend that if you have experienced the end of a relationship, that you should try to go 60 days without contacting your ex. Not to say that at the end of two months that you are going to call them, write them, or show up on their doorstep! I thought I could do that. I can do sixty days.

Now, the rub for me is this: I am still deep, deep, deep into analyzing mode with the Doctor relationship. I still toss and turn about writing a response to his goodbye 2b letter. I hate it so much! I still want to tell him that he's full of shit with the "doesn't miss me when we're not together" excuse to end the relationship. I want to write a dissertation of my opinion of the relationship.

So, I don't know what my change is yet. I am talking with a couple of guys on the dating website...I AM VERY RELUCTANT to do this, as that is where I met Doc. I went on a date that was about as interesting as a blank tv screen yesterday, and that didn't make me feel too good.--2b

February 13, 2006
3:51 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TC,

Don't get down on yourself for the fact that you had given him control over how you feel. I have been there and done that and am still partiall doing it. The important thing is that you realize it and that you want to make a change. A change for the better a change for you. I am scared myself about stepping outside of my comfort zone to but I so don't want this cycle to keep going on. I want to start a new cycle one where good things happen to me the things I want to happen..and it I start setting myself up for good things that should be what I get.

One small thing that i am going to try to change is that when I am feeling weak I will tell myself something good about myself. Start a list of postive things about me that i can read over when I am feeling bummed. And continue my list of hurtful things he has done so that I can remember why I ended it all those times before and deter myself from getting back into it again.

Hope that helps : )

February 13, 2006
3:55 pm
Avatar
whidbey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Actually, my best friend and I are going to make scrapbooks of Our Year of Change and Discovery this year. We discussed this when taking our 6-mile walk last Saturday. We are going to continue to take care of ourselves physically and begin to love ourselves as we know God loves us. We are going to get together at least once a month and do something which involves walking, hiking, eating a healthy meal. Oh, we're also going to Las Vegas in May to just totally relax, enjoy the sun by the pool, do some spa stuff. It's ALL ABOUT US!!

I've already had to start doing more for myself to get myself out of the funk I was in last fall when getting rid of ex-N, such as eating better, sleeping better, and more exercise, rain or shine.

I do little things like light a scented candle, put a wonderfully scented lotion all over me, got my hair highlighted, just "stuff" to make me feel good and look good to ME; it's for no one else and not for the purpose of finding that "someone." I really don't care about that.

Most of all, I've been doing a lot of extensive work on the me inside, inner child exercises, recognizing things about myself, the choices I make and the patterns I've followed in the past. I working on breaking ALL those patterns to bits and starting fresh; again, not to find someone, but to be happy within myself.

February 13, 2006
3:56 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

2b,

Funny you should mention a dating web-site. I just finished a Profile to post of myself. I SWORE that I would NEVER do that again. I called it the "cesspool of dating"... but I realized that I am NOT going to meet anyone by sitting home crying about the ex, pining for him and wishing he'd come around!!! I want to meet new people... I want to have a pleasant distraction. I want to build my self esteem back up!! I'm totally going against my "gut" in joining the site, but I figure that it goes along with the CHANGES/CHANGES motto! Right??? Not to mention that anything that is endorsed by Dr. Phil can't be ALL BAD, right??

So, I'm putting on my mukluks and going wading in the cesspool!!! Pew! If anything, I'll have some interesting experiences. We'll have to start a "dating web-site" thread soon to share our stories!!

TC

February 13, 2006
8:56 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello ladies!!!!!

I have found that thinking of NEVER BEING WITH HIM AGAIN....is a bit too overwhelming for me.

So I've gone back to the basics....

One day at a time.

Just for today... I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.

Just for today....I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today

Good luck and stay strong.

Love,
Lolli

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714260
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information