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NOT wanting to date
October 16, 2005
1:23 am
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gingerleigh
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I'm back in the dating scene. I find that I would rather spend Saturday nights at home alone watching a movie than sit across the table from some guy I'm just not interested in. I feel like I'm not giving people a chance because I'm just so sick of men and just want to be responsible for myself and my own happiness.

I worry that I've become completely cold and unable to connect with anyone. Or have I just not met the right people? I feel guilty that these gentlemen seem to really like me, and I just want to run and hide. What's going on with me?

October 16, 2005
3:22 am
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bonita1
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You are not ready, hon. Give yourself a year and some therapy. You will be okay.

~~bonita 🙂

October 16, 2005
7:36 am
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CAMER
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hey ginger...you are just not ready, and its ok to be alone and watch tv and not have a man in your life.....i have done this b4 went thru a year and 10 months of NO DATING, and had the time of my life!!!!

October 17, 2005
11:32 am
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gingerleigh
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I do feel totally fine not having a man in my life. I like the freedom and complete accountablility to me and only me. I figured that with dating I would be running into men who were also looking for the same sort of get to know you but not have to talk every day and get real deep type things, just have fun. But there are a lot of men out there that really want to have relationships. They are ready. I'm not. And I'm finding it hard asserting my boundaries, find myself not returning calls until I'm good and ready, and sometimes not even returning calls at all. That's really not like me, not how I operate. I try to be honest during the dates, saying that I'm just trying to get out and enjoy new people. The funny thing these guys aren't even trying to make it to the bedroom. They want to talk on the phone, go do things together, talk about our families, all the things I wish my ex-husband would have done but I'm just exhausted.

Ladies, if you're in a relationship with a guy who treats you badly, don't settle for it. There are lots and lots of guys out there who will literally bend over backwards to treat you right. But they can't find you if you're busy with someone else who is just not worth it.

October 17, 2005
11:38 am
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geminismiles
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Hi ginger, I can understand your feelings for not wanting to date. Only you will know when you are ready. Sometimes I feel like if Mr.Right were standing right in front of me waving me in, I'd walk right by. I KNOW i'm not ready and it's okay. Just be true to yourself and as long as you are not "leading anyone on" then stick to what you know feels right.

October 17, 2005
1:01 pm
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chickyfighter
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Ginger, I also dated at some point feeling like you do...I realized that by dating these men who always want more...made me want something real more.

MJost men I dated marriage was what they looked for and people in the state of mind like you are now, and I was then make men think that women are about games.

I stopped dating b/c I realized then that I was not ready, I was happier alone.

Give yourself time to know you...what is the purpose of dating in your life exactly?

Whoever said we had to be married?

If you are missing having someone to love then pray and God, in his time, sends us the right person.

I wish you the best! 🙂

October 17, 2005
11:05 pm
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bassuen
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I'm on the opposite side of the table, and completely understand your feelings. Think of it this way--you will live well into your 70's and during that time the "tide" of your feelings will come in and go out millions of times. At this point, for whatever the reason, you are not in a position to want companionship. There is nothing wrong with that, and in due time this too shall pass as the tide comes back in.

The really difficult part is that you have to be patient enough to wait if you want it one way or the other. Just enjoy your current station in life and allow yourself to enjoy it.

October 18, 2005
8:43 am
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SUSIE BABY
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there is nothing WRONG with being comfortable being alone. i'm not saying lock your self up at the end of a work day. my girl friend and i, we don't "want" a steady either,but we do have male friend's we get together with.these men know we are NOT looking for a mate,just someone to hang out with,food,conversation ect.. if you make this point clear when accepting a date, have fun.for my self,i'm very straight foward when i tell them FRIEND'S! that's it,if you can handle this,we can have fun,if not,PLEASE look for someone else. just be picky who you say yes to. alot of people think,if they can just SHOW you how great they are you will change your mind,stick to your gun's,there are men who are like us,they just want someone to hang with. susan

October 18, 2005
1:50 pm
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taj64
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Hello Gingerleigh,

Im doing ok. I am in same boat. I am not ready, that is only conclusion I came to for me. I tried to date but always something in me doesn't want to try. I was hurt last time and still not completely over it. I'd say yes you are not ready. It is perfectly ok to feel the way you do right now. When you are ready, you will welcome the idea of finding someone special...isn't it when you are not looking or when you least expect it that you find someone? Everyone says that...wonder why? A healthy relationship takes times even one with yourself. Good luck to you Gingerleigh.

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