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not taking things personally?!
July 27, 2006
11:26 am
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2alone
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I have had a bad two days at work. Yesterday I was pulled into my boss' office and told that my not-yet-ex-husband has called my boss' boss' boss and made complaints that I call and harass my husband at work - upsetting him. No proof - mind you - just allegations that I now have to defend against. I do it.(defend myself) I include phone records to prove I rarely if ever call him. My boss tells me that I take it too personally and that I need to act like its a nothing and basically suck it up. My ex-husband and I are in a bitter custody dispute which is lasting 2 years because he won't accept that he isn't going to get joint custody. I've spent thousands of dollars proving he's an idiot and paranoid and abusive to the children. I'm not supposed to take it personally!!!
How do you not? How do you let it go because there is nothing you can do about it? How do you stop it from hurting inside and eating you up alive?

July 27, 2006
11:36 am
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joy2flow
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((((2alone)))) I only have hugs - no advice - as my situation is similar!

July 27, 2006
12:02 pm
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taj64
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Do you think that the both of you are being so controlling over everything including the kids that this is the reason why things are getting out of control. joint custody seems to be the fair easiest way in that both of you will have equal part in the kids lives. I think any reasonable judge would see this and grant it that way. You can nothing really do defend yourself if it is matter of he said/she said. It is not right of him to go to your place of work but hopefully you can talk to your boss and he will reason it on his own and for you to keep it simple. Outside people don't usually want to get involved in divorce cases so it may not be the best idea to sway people's opinion. Just hold on the idea of getting the divorce over quickly and in easiest manner possible. 2 years is long time, what is the hold up? Im sorry for your bad day. Letting go of being angry with him might help. Long term anger creates a lot of turmoil and doesnt do any good so if I was you I would seek maybe counseling or read some books on anger. It is to be angry but not for long time. Then it ends up killing you.

July 27, 2006
12:52 pm
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2alone
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Thanks for the support - both of you.

Anger - yes I'll admit I'm angry. Angry at myself for picking such a jerk to marry and angry at him for treating me this way. Three psychologists agreed that joint custody isn't in the kids' best interest...he objects...the court doesn't have time for us...so here I sit and wait until the court decides my fate. Early in the divorce he threatened to kill me - mind you he told our kids this. He told his attorney and others that he wants me to either go to jail or lose my job. In the alternative he said he'd settle for me ending up in the psych ward.
I guess I'm just tired of it all. He has a new live in girlfriend, a new baby with her...leave me the hell alone. See the kids when the court says you get to see them. Don't send them back black and blue or physically harmed. I'll leave you alone you leave me alone. But if you start threatening my life, my career or hurt my children - I will get angry and I will take it personally. I don't know how not to!

July 27, 2006
1:35 pm
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sewunique
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2alone

I certainly see why you are angry and it seems to be more difficult to get over something which continues to reaccur.

Detachment is good, if you can get to that point. I am still working on it; it doesn't come easy when one's entire life is in an upheaval. Some have work situations and others social situations, but I sympathize with you as your entire life is being turned upsdide down as well as your children's.

When I was going thru my divorce, which took a year after years of grief, I was only able tyo take each day, sometimes an hour a t time just to survive. It is exhausting to say the least.

For now, I would suggest just trying to keep healthy; physically, emotionally, spiritually the best you can while going thru all of this. It used to make me so angry when others kept telling me get over it when I was dealing with loosing my life, family and enviorment.

Sometimes others just don't get it, and that makes it tough. I am still learning that one and trying to separate those whose seem to zap my energy. Find people who are motivated and happy really helps for me.

My anger during that time also gave me the strength to carry on each day, or I would have crumbled. You will have time after all this to work on the anger. A year after my divorce and am working on it. Just my opinion.

It is easy for others to say do not take it personnally, sometimes they lack words to say, ya know?

Wishing you better days ahead and the strength to carry on as you need to.

Sew

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