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Not sure what to do...
August 6, 2005
9:58 am
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SexySadie
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EXs Grandma is on her deathbed...with anywhere from two days to one week. EX is not returning calls from his parents. He is up in WI with OW and is planning on returning tomorrow. I had a friend try and contact him last night since I am still doing NC. Just to let him know because if he wanted, he could easily stop by and say his goodbyes on the drive back down.

His mom left last night to be with her in her final days. Daughter and I were very close to her. Daughter starts high school on Monday. It's a four hour trip one direction for us. She is at a sleep over still. I am torn...do I tell her and then we also go up there to say goodbye and come back on Sunday afternoon. Or do I wait, let her start school off on a good start without the stress and then make plans to attend her funeral.

My mom says to hold off...and for me not to go either because it's important to get daughter off to a good start at her new school. I agree...but at the same time I also want to say goodbye especially because we cannot seem to locate EX. They are not my inlaws from marriage but we have been together for 5 yrs and they are so very close to daughter and I.

Thoughts...

August 6, 2005
11:35 am
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Anonymous
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Good morning, Sadie. Wow! This is a tough one. I say talk to your daughter, and go with your gut. If you think you may regret NOT seeing her one last time, then you should definitely go. Otherwise, if you are at peace about it, you should wait and pay your respects after her passing.

It is such a crying shame that your EX is ignoring all attempts from his family to reach him. Does that tell you how into HIMSELF he is??? Geesh! Well, unfortuantely, even though you feel bad, there is NOTHING you can do about what he is doing or not doing. Just sit back and watch him miss out. Maybe it will take something like this to finally get his attention. What a selfish man he is!!!

Let us know what you decide to do. Go with your gut, sweetie:)

August 6, 2005
1:07 pm
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sdesigns
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My thoughts are to tell your daughter and give her the opportunity to decide if she would like to go see Grandma. This is a one time opportunity only, as when Grandma passes there is no going back. Your daughter is old enough to have some input. She may resent it later that she was not told. This is something that can't be taken back or done later.

My reasons for saying that are from my own experience. When I was in college, one night I was thinking that I would go to stay w/ my Grandmother over the summer as she was getting on in years and not doing well. It was the end of spring quarter and I could do that or go to summer school. I was thinking so strongly about her that particular night. The next day I called my parents to tell them what I was thinking and my Dad informed me that my Grandmother had died the night before. No one had even bothered to call me! I was so hurt and fell such loss. I still resent that no one thought it important enough to let me know my own Grandmother had died. SD

August 6, 2005
4:52 pm
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exoticflower
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A rough first week in school is natural, but good-byes to a loved one could be regretted forever. You will only be putting off her saddness for a week or so this way, and depriving her of some closure that could help. Just what I think, as my daughter grows I do not want to protect her from lifes truthes, but help her through them when they arise.

August 6, 2005
5:14 pm
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SexySadie
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Well after speaking with EXs dad this am we have all decided to wait a few days. She is not expected to make it through the night as she is already asleep from what we are to understand. So we are now making plans for the service etc...which we will all be attending. His dad will fly into town and we'll drive up the four hours together then bring back his mom to town for a few days.

No one has spoken with ex in 3 days. Not returning any calls. As hard as it has been for me to not call him and chew him out...I have learned how to detach and realize that nothing anyone can say or do at this time will change his mind. He's gotten the voice mails from his mom and friend. He knows. The choice lies with him now.

August 6, 2005
7:34 pm
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Anonymous
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SS, ohhhhhhhhhhhhh paleeeez give ME his number! I'd love to have a "come to Jesus meeting" with him, pronto!!!

Uuuuuuggggggghhhh...this makes me soooooooo angry, and I don't even know the guy! What kind of selfish man would NOT return a call to his family at a time like this! I guess this touched a nerve with me, sorry!

Well, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers the next few days as you deal with all of this. At some point the two of you will come face to face, and I'm sure his family is upset with him also. So I hope you are prepared for the drama that may occur due to his bad choices. You hanging out with us tonight, Sadie?

August 6, 2005
7:36 pm
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Anonymous
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Sadie, when were he and his "friend" coming back from their vacation??

August 6, 2005
8:20 pm
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SexySadie
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They were supposed to be leaving Wisconsin today and driving back to Dallas and arriving tomorrow. From what I understand they were coming back a different route which would not have placed them going through Tulsa this time but through Arkansas. I was hoping that they would change plans and go through Tulsa to say goodbye. But I know him all too well...his pride is so hurt right now...the last thing he would do is show up there and definitely not with OW knowing she is not welcome.

Yes, agreed he needs a Come to Jesus...but he will have to have that on his own. I spoke at great lengths today with his father. They have turned their backs on him. If he wants to live in the gutter that is his choice. When he is ready to crawl back out and get help, only then will they be there for him and he will need to be sober and also agree to take anti-depressants.

I don't honestly see it happening in the near future. He's too content on his new lifestyle. He's got the party girl he always wanted. I just have to laugh when I think that he hasn't even been living with her two months and already she had to run home to daddy for money to pay the bills. She's 40 yrs old and doesn't even have custody of her own daughter. Phew...he's got a winner there...but if that is what makes him happy...so be it.

The only thing we can say is that when he was with me, it was the best he had ever done in his life. He had everything he ever wanted and then some. He's chosen to throw it away. He had even gotten closer to his parents because of me and my daughter. He's also chosen already to turn his back on his father because he won't send him the 30k in equipment for the business. Well his father didn't want to risk sending it in the condition that he is currently in. Who wants to take a 30k loss?

We will be seeing each other for the first time on Monday night since he made the death threats to me last Saturday. His father made me promise that if anything happened Monday night at the tournament that I would call the Police and press criminal charges. I've done my best to forgive him because I know it is the alcohol that has taken over his mind but have to admit that it is hard when just hours before he told me that he still loved me.

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