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Not Sure what is Going on?!?!
November 4, 1999
3:06 pm
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Confusion
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September 27, 2010
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My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. We have a 2 yr old daughter. About four years ago we had a problem in our relationship where she felt like she had fallen out of love and didn't know how she felt about me any more. I moved out to the couch and set up some counseling for us. The marriage counselor saw us for a total of two sessions and said he thought everything was going just fine. We agreed that things had gotten much better. Since then we have had relationship talks and other serious discussions every couple of months just to make sure we are both ok and nothing is going off track. I found out a week ago in one of our discussions that everything was off track. She told me that a few months after the counseling the feelings of doubt and indifference came creeping back and that she hasn't really felt love toward me for about 3-4 years. She has been holding on hoping that something would happen and things would get back to the way they should be. But now she can't keep up the acting anymore. She feels I am her best friend in the entire world, but nothing more than that. She said she wanted a divorce so that I could find someone who could love me the same way I love her. I convinced her to stay in the house until she could get on her feet, as she is currently a stay at home mom. I moved into the guest bedrom. She did not want to go to counseling because she did not want a repeat of last time. She is not looking for a temporary fix. She honestly thinks it's over. A few days later she said she would be willing to go to counseling but only after she has moved out because she doesn't want to have to come home and feel like the session will just continue there with even more discussions. Today she said she would like to get into counseling as soon as we can.

November 4, 1999
3:12 pm
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Confusion
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Not really a reply, I hit the submit button accidentally. My actual problem is this: It really hurt the first time it happened. It really really hurt the second time it happened since I have more than just us to worry about. What is going to come up after counseling. Are we just going to repeat the cycle? Why has she changed her mind so drastically about counseling? I have not had a chance to talk to her about it yet, as I am at work, but I have so many questions, I don't know what to do. I am afraid to let my guard down. I don't want to continue on in a marriage where the love is only one way, but I love her so much that I feel I have to give her a chance.

AAAAAARGHHH!!

Any advice??

November 4, 1999
9:27 pm
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gal-ff
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September 30, 2010
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it sounds like you're not the one suffering from "confusion" but your wife. you said that she said that it was only a few months after going to counseling that the old feelings were back? was that 4 yrs ago? have you been able to see a difference in her? i wish that i did have some "magic" words that would make you understand and feel better but unfortunatly i don't. all i can say is don't let her insecurities tie you up in knots. she sounds like she is very confused about what she wants right now.
give her time and some space but still try to talk to her about what she thinks she really wants.(not nagging-just talking). i'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best...let us know how everything turns out...you sound like a very sincere person.

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