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Not Sure if I'm Codependent or Not
February 12, 2006
3:30 pm
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NoLabel2007
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I've read about the codependency stuff, and even though I know that self-diagnosis is dangerous, I'm not so sure that I'm not codependent. I'm seventeen years old, and I live with an abusive father (verbally, and earlier, sexually), and a mother who until recently used to stand by the wayside and let him attack her and me with words. He constantly tells me what I do wrong and rarely gives me any praise.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty horrible. Almost like my soul's dying. I'm not sure if that's associated with codependency, but I figure in order to find out, I should ask people who actually deal with it. I read the symptoms of codependency, and so far I've got most of them. Or at least I seem to think so. I live in he perfectionist-like household (do everything perfect, but it's still not enough), so I feel like everything I do isn't enough, and that I can't accept help from others because it makes me weak if I can't do it on my own. I feel like I can't cry in front of people, I can't have my fair say, I can't show my true emotions... Is that just me fitting into the rut society has created for teens or is it something else?

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I'd be glad to hear them, 'cause I'm down to the last wire here...

February 12, 2006
4:22 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Nolabel - Welcome to this site! Yes, what you described in your household sounds very codependent to me. Anything repressive, very demanding, perfectionistic, abusive, lacking in love and tenderness is codep.

Luckily, there are many resources that can help you to improve and blossom as human being. I would recommend you to purchase some books such as "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie which is an excellent book that can teach you a lot about this widely-spread phenomena.

You may also log on http://www.coda.org and find out coda meetings in your area or attend online meetings if you wish.

Posting and coming to this website also helped me a lot. I'm sure it will help you as well.

All the best!~Ras~

February 12, 2006
4:28 pm
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codyrn
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I have waited all my life to finally look at addressing the fact that my dad was and alcoholic, control freak and my mom was passive,timid and manipulative.
I'm proud of you for speaking on your behalf and being pro-active.
I'm new to the site also.
Do you have access to healthcare where you could refer yourself to a counselor? It was hard for me to go, but ...now I feel almost free ... I see the light that's for sure.... I'm more confident.
All the best,
codyrn

February 17, 2006
2:14 am
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lewey
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I have just been reading about codependency on the net and have realised that I too had grown up in a household with a very controlling and verbally abusive father. My mother was gentle, kind, and Im pretty sure depressed, she was no match for him. Both me and my brother dealt with his control in different ways. I went through binge drinking at times and my brother used to punch walls in to vent our frustration with the situation. I have been diagnosed with depression which I think Ive had for many years. Im on the road to recovery( through medication and counselling) as I must think of my kids and their future now. I think recognition is the first step!! Regards

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