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Not sure how to help my daughter
May 11, 2007
8:46 pm
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green eyes
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My daughter (25) is involved with a man who is like hot and cold running water. One min. he is like I love you, the next your crowding me. He travels for his work and may be out of town for 2-3 days or 2 weeks. While he is out of town he pull the same BS.

It is driving my daughter crazy. She is in love with this guy and really can figure him out. I personally think he gets off on dangling her from his string. She scared me this time because she used drugs to crush the pain in her heart. Scary drugs!

She constantly ask me what do you think mom..do you think he is cheating on me, do you think he loves me. Why is he doing this? She is weak for this man and I don't know how to help.

Any suggestions?

May 12, 2007
4:43 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Has your daugher thought about counseling? This is something that she needs to figure out. Do you know why she puts up with it?

May 12, 2007
5:31 pm
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green eyes
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She says she is deeply in love with him. She says when he is good he makes her feel complete. (But when he is "don't crowd" me she is lost)

I have told her she needs counseling and she has even agreed to get it, but then she never does. Excuses range from "it cost too much", "I don't have time", etc..

I try to tell her it's not right the way he does her. That he is just being a jerk and she should either learn how to dismiss it when he behaves like that or end it! She is so pretty, young, smart and has so much going for her. She has a great paying job and so many good friends.

I fear she learned this from me! What a awful legacy. I know she has seen this kind of BS in my life with her dad, but you would think that would be something she would absolutly change. My dad was an alcholic and the one thing I vowed not to do was to marry an alcholic and I didn't!

I am unhappy and she sees it. She sees how staying and accepting is just leaving problems for another day.
Even though I advise her to "learn to accept it" I do it showing her how it will leave HER empty.

Ah hell! Why can't life just be simple, two people find each other realize that there is strength in the number 2 and hold on to each other.
But no..........there has to be secrets and disappointment and just plain deceit! I personaly just want to love and be loved, is that so bad.

I am trapped, no way out. I feel like the train dropped me off here and is never coming back. I go through the motions smiling, saying no it's ok, yes I'm fine, don't worry about me I"ll be ok! Oh I can be alone..I can entertain myself. Well if that were true I would not be sitting here writing all this stuff.

My worst fear is that someone I know would read this stuff and find out how I really feel. Why? Because I don''t want to cause anyone any trouble. If any of my family wants to be with me then it's not because they feel "sorry for me"! I want it from the heart!

Forget it! Girl you take your happiness and run and hold it close to you. Smile in the face of defeat because you know "you may loose the battle but not the war"

Ramblings of a person who just feels a little crazy but I'll be OK..
SMILES EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!

May 12, 2007
5:36 pm
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green eyes
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I am loosing it!

May 12, 2007
7:13 pm
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Randomwomen2
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unfortunately she has to be willing to change the relationship. Really the only thing that you can do is to be there for her if the relationship fails. He and she are the only ones in control right now. I guess just wait and pray.

May 12, 2007
7:24 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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(green eyes)

May 14, 2007
8:31 am
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risingfromtheashes
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maybe instead of trying to fix HER problems, you can focus on yours and set a good example for her?

If you feel that her behaviour is learned from you, then the best thing you can do is improve YOUR behaviour.

If you are unhappy, then do something about it.

And perhaps she will see that and follow in your footsteps.

In the end, the only thing that you can change is YOU. It stinks that your daughter is in an unhealthy relationship...but there isn't much you can do, short of keep encouraging her to get counseling and setting a better example yourself.

My mom and dad have a rough relationship...and I learned alot of bad habits...I am 35 and it's taken me that long to realize it and break them and want better.

Your daughter may just wake up one day and say "I have had enough"...but until that day...you can only be supportive and understand where she is coming from.

May 14, 2007
9:06 am
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depressed teen
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hi green eyes...

I suggest that you try your best to get your daughter out of this relationship.

does her partner know where you live? and are they living in a property that belongs to your daughter?

depressed teen

May 14, 2007
11:57 am
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smarterone
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I dont know what to say but be cautious, experience tells all

May 14, 2007
12:42 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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green eyes...you asked why people can't understand the power of 2 and love and be loved?

I used to ask the same thing.

the answer is simple...THEY CAN.

but in order for it to happen, you need two people that see things the same way...with the same capacity for love and commitment and respect.

if it is off balance or such...then it won't feel right.

perhaps you are trying to make someone behave in a way that is not "normal" for them...making it not a good fit.

the right person in your life WILL allow you to feel that way.

I know this, because I finally found the right one...after trying to make many guys "fit the mould" that just couldn't.

May 14, 2007
9:32 pm
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green eyes
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Tonight her boyfriend comes in from out of town and my daughter is talking good talk. She says she is tired of being treated like nothing. To my knowledge they have never exchanged anything but words but she was terribly upset. I pray it goes well!

I can't do anything and I feel so helpless! She and her boyfriend are both on the lease of the house they live in. I don't guess there is anything she can do to get out of it?
Telling the landlord she is moving out I don't guess will do any good relative to the legal aspect of the lease.

Anyone been through a situation like this? If she moves out is there anything she can do to remove her name from the lease?

May 15, 2007
8:26 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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she can ask...a lease IS a legal binding document...BUT if the landlord realizes that whether he likes it or not, she is leaving, he may be willing to cut some kind of deal with her.

that way he can get someone in there that WANTS to be there and will pay.

have her explain her situation...the landlord may be sympathetic and willing to work with her.

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