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March 9, 2006
9:30 pm
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codep
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I've been trying to work on myself and how I am with relationships. I've been single for over a year now and have learned so much about myself and the opposite sex "not enough yet by the way" I met this really great guy about a month ago, We have spent a good amount of time together getting to know eachother and have had some great times. I've had a few issues dealing with his "girl" "friends" they will call sometimes when we are out and he wont answer his phone, says he doesn't really feel like talking to them. Tonight he is really late coming home, I called him only once and left a message earlier in the evening. kept it short told him hey just wanted to say hi and see how his day was and to give me a call when he gets a chance. I can't help but have these stupid thoughts running thru my head like maybe he is with someone else and telling her that the person calling is "just a friend" that he doesn't feel like talking to. Why cant I trust him? I'm so screwed up right now, I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal when your significant other just doesn't happen to talk to you for a night, I should just blow it off right? do my own thing and not worry about where he is or what he is doing. Am I just not ready yet? I love the way I feel when I"m with him but I hate the way I feel right now. I dont want it to be this way, I know it "shouldn't feel this way" is it me? I just don't think I'm ready for this relationship stuff "sigh" he has comitted to me and told me he just wants to be with me and isen't interested in pursuing anyone else but my gut feels weird about tonight! I dont want to feel like this anymore. Cant you just have a relationship where you can just relax and not worry when your guy is out? "boohoo"

March 9, 2006
9:55 pm
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nvr2late
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I would think you can, but not with girl friends calling..
that would make anyone wonder!
I have the same issues, but I don't really worry about who the guy that I am 'seeing' (if you call it that) is with...
but I have enough to worry about!

my thought is like this...
if they are with someone else, will he be willing to give up what we were trying to work towards for a fling?
maybe..but then he is not worth my time.

I am not playing games, and I expect the same....but some people are not ready to do that...and they are the lonely ones...
I have enough self esteem to think that I will be ok no matter what he is doing.

and maybe I will live my life like that, and the men in my life will think that I do not care.
but, oh well.....

that come with maturity, I am not looking to have a relationship that is NOT a partnership and where I have to worry!
there are guys out there that will worship the ground that you walk on and WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!!!

and do you like feeling like this? no!!!
but I trust my gut...it has been right too many times and I have ignored it.
I think we women have very good intuition.
otherwise we would not have these 'feelings' and we could feel safe in our relationships.

stay strong, you will be alright no matter what happens out there!
nvr2late

March 10, 2006
7:17 am
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codep
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well he finaly got a hold of me last night..Said he was on the phone the whole time with an "Old" friend he hadn't spoke to in a long time. I didn't even ask if it was a girl! geez..Than I ended up telling him how I felt when I didn't hear from him. I always just put myself out there by being up front with him about my feelings. He took it well however. he kept asking what he could do to make me feel better and he is comitted to me blah blah...I wish I could believe him with my whole heart sigh........

March 10, 2006
7:51 am
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dee1
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Dee1,

Hi,

I dont know.. the guy I just broke up with after 5 and a half years had lots of girls calling.. they were all supposed to be 'friends' but now I do wonder (he cheated in the end!). I agree with what nvr2late said..our intuition is usually right, we tend to want to ignore those 'feelings' but we should nt. I dont think you should be feeling this way, its how I felt for a long time and its not a nice way to live, uneasy when you re not with him and amazing when you are. Try to love yourself and tell yourself you deserve someone who will adore you and make you feel special 'all the time'. I might be a little bit scarred at the moment cos I m a bit fragile but I do believe you would nt feel like this if he was the one for you. Remember you will be ok no matter what happens. Good Luck!

March 10, 2006
8:50 am
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whidbey
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Codep,

Hmmm... There are definitely some red flags here, I would say. However.... You say you all have known/been seeing each other only about a month. My feeling is that it's a little soon for exclusivity. Is it possible for you to rein back a little and keep this very, very new "relationship" on just a dating basis with no real intimate physical contact involved? In a healthy relationship, I feel at one month, one should still just be in the "getting to know you, just occasionally dating" stage. Know what I mean? If it is meant to be something that will go farther in a healthy way, you two will spend time really getting to know one another and eventually the "others" should fade away. I think you shouldn't be waiting at home, wondering where he is, who he may be with, etc. at this stage. Go out with your friends, do stuff, have a good time WITHOUT him as well. It will only broaden your horizons and keep your focus off of the "wondering." You'll be more emotionally healthy in the long run. 🙂

March 12, 2006
1:19 pm
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codep
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I agree that it is too soon to be having these feelings thats what I was so concerned about. But I had a long long discussion with him 3 hours long about my insecurities and he made me feel so much better. The thing about it was that this girl has a "romantic" interest in him and they had never actually defined the relationship wether it was "just friends" on both ends. He said he has absolutely no interest in this girl so he is going to tell her that and that he has a girlfriend that he is committed to. I told him if she is "just a friend" than she would be someone we could mutually hang out with together with no uncomfort. He agreed. He also told me that a lot of the thoughts that run thru my head run thru his as well. He said he just handles it differently than I do. He is so understanding, He told me to just not push him away. He said things maybe moving a bit quick but he likes the direction the're heading and doesn't want me to stop telling him about my concerns. I'm trying to take things slowly so is he. But who's to say whats "normal" progression in a relatinoship? We have agreed that we like to make up our own rules when it comes to beging together, not playing games or holding ourselves to whatever it is that people think is "normal" to progress in a relationship. I do agree that we have to take things slowly however to "really" get to know eachother and not jump in blindly...Thank you all for your help!

March 15, 2006
6:12 pm
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codep
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Oh my Gosh! I read over this because it was posted a week ago or so.. Well now "NEW SITUATION" same thing... Last night we are talking on the pc and he tells me to hang on.. so I wait for like 15 minutes.. and then I send him a message, I say hey you want me to let you go? and he gets back on and says No sorry I was on the phone.. Then he proceeds to tell me about the phone call..Oh it was this girl that I dated about a year ago, She just called me out of the blue, I dont even have her phone number anymore..Well she said she has a boyfriend and I told her that I was seeing someone as well, but she wants to hang out on Thursday and I told her "sure" we can hang out.....
WTF is up with that? I was so so very mad at him, but I was good and only told him I had to go and got off the pc...What am I supposed to do about that? I figure if he is really interested and committed to me why would he even consider going with this girl that he hasn't talked to for a year? What am I supposed to do about this now? "SIGH"

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