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Not playing others games
June 7, 2007
12:55 pm
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courage to change
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I dont know why, but i am allowing other people to press my buttons, and I seem to be reacting to them.

There is a place i work at one hour per week, and there is one lady, that always makes snide comments, etc. Most of the time I have not buyed into her game, but today i just reacted.

And yesterday evening when i was teaching one of my student, was reading a book whilst i was lecturing, and stated in front of the whole class that i must have eaten the book up, cause my lecture resembled everything she was reading about. I was furious and reacted. I told her to stop reading the book whilst I was lecturing cause I find it very rude and disrespectful.

To be honest I do not like being like this, cause I know most of the time it a game people play, and its so difficult not to react and play the games.

Any advise, its so difficult, and I used to be so good at not buying into this crap.

I guess I do not want my boundaries walked over.
xx

June 7, 2007
1:08 pm
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atalose
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Courage what upset you more the student reading while you were lecturing or the fact she spoke in front of the class and embarrassed you? Prior to her statement was her reading her book bothering you?

What I am trying to get at is your reaction to these situations. IF this woman you work with one hour a week always makes snide comments why the reaction today on your part and not all the time she has done this?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 7, 2007
4:39 pm
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Rasputin
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Courage to change~

I hate rude and hypocritical people and almost every where I worked at someone rude and disrespetful pushed my buttons or played games.

I worked somewhere where a male co-worker accused me fasely of doing something rude in front of other male co-workers. Of course I was so upset, coz I knew he was projecting his own rude behaviour upon me - All this in the name of "just joking/kidding" - and that I was someone who did not have a sense of humour.

What I did in my case is report it to the higher people - boss and supervisor. In some of those cases, it worked out and I was lucky to have a fair and strong boss who advocated me. In other cases, it costed me my job since most bosses can be biased.

Usually when someone pushes my button, this is a red flag that motivates me to set boundaries with that person and keep it strictly business with them which I did with that rude male co-worker.

Bottom line is...We live in a jerky, rude, disrespectful world and we should be prepared for all sorts of surprises even those which are unpleasant.

All the best!

June 7, 2007
6:29 pm
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courage to change
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I am just angry with myself for buying into other peoples crap. Normally I do not allow this sort of thing to happen to me. I just dont buy into it. Most of the time im really aware of others games. And yes I am most probably over sensitive, due to pmt. Eitherway, I will not have people treat me disrespectfully, and I am annoyed at myself for not setting my boundaries.

Thank you to you both.

You are all so wonderful, and I have to remember that I too am a nice person. May be too nice sometimes. 🙂

June 7, 2007
7:39 pm
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Rasputin
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That's it Courage! Those predators look for nice, decent and sensitive folks like you and me.

No matter how decent, respectful you are to your co-workers, they would still cross the line and go overboard. Move on and don't let jerks bush your buttons. Yes, I agree during pms, we tend to be even supersenstive. Try to avoid or limit contact with those people and learn to set boundaries with them from now on. Remember this is how we learn. Just forgive yourself hon. When we are kind we tend to think every one is like us, I identify with this a lot.

June 8, 2007
5:36 pm
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courage to change
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Thanks Rasputin

It does seem to be the story of my life, having to set really strong boundaries. Every time I drop them, people either dump their anger on me, or are disrespectful.

But the truth it is hard work always having to be aware of others agendas.

I am very self aware of me and other people, and guess I have a natural gift of picking up on people energy (negative or positive) before I even know them. And then I allow them to effect me.

This is what makes me ANGRY. I let people mistreat me, and I take on board other peoples stuff, when its none of my business.

Well this girl has just reinforced her boundaries, and is not going to let people walk over her again. BOUNDARIES ARE BACK UP AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Thanks xxx

June 8, 2007
7:57 pm
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fantas
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Hi Courage, there is no shorage of jerks out there that's for sure. I find that I have to continously have to keep setting and resetting my boundaries as well. I heard you say you don't normally get affected by other people's crap and that you feel angry at yourself for allowing them to trigger you. I was wondering if anything is happening in your emotionally that is making you more sensitive to other people's comments. I find that usually when I am upset with people's comments about me, it's because my insecurities around being liked are at the forefront of my mind. Then I have to redo that work before I can feel stable again. Has anything happened to you recently that is making more difficult for you to ignore these jerks like you would normally do? Do not be angry with yourself for being triggered. It's human and it's progress not perfection. Hang in there, keep posting...

June 8, 2007
8:07 pm
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Rasputin
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I think sometimes our generous & too sweet personality get the best of us. That's when those morons step up and take advantage of us. Don't worry Courage and remember that progress can be gradual even if you fail sometime - you're advancing hon and gaining victory!!!

I'm quite like you and pick up positive and negative energy from people from the 1st time I see them. It's a real gift that can help us a to avoid many problems.

Give yourself a Credit that you're advancing despite the same relapses. I promise you...you will have courage to change just as your name smartly suggests. (((Courage)))

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