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Not Madly in love and a bit sad
August 2, 2007
10:09 pm
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titanica
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Help !!!!!!!! Being dramatic.....Anywho, 29 year old still texting me. He says he is so sad. Blah blah blah...he said he wanted to get back together. I told me the only way I would even talk with him was if he went to a therapist. Of course this was all by text. That was 2 hours ago. Of course he hasn't texted back. I know that he is just not ready for a mature relationship. I also know that he is not ready to face whatever "demons" he has. I feel sad and relieved because I really don't wanted to go on the road to figuring his life out. I am 40 and don't have the time. I don't want children but I would like to spend time with someone worthwhile. I am attactive, a good body and even more important a good head on my shoulders and F#@king finally I knew my worth ( trust me I am humble so I am not bragging !!) My life coach says that even texting him I am leaving the door open. I am really fighting it. He is a real charmer. He used to do the flowers at work, cute cards in the mail and picnic in his roof garden. What girl would not love that. This is all lovely but there is no substance behind it. On the bright side just bought my dream house. A beautiful brownstone with a ballroom and a roof top deck. I have been spending my time working on that. I am truly blessed. Through this troubled time more people keep showing up. I guess just toremnd me what really matters. Once again the universe always provides. Sleepy.......night all and remember count your blessings.........

August 2, 2007
10:18 pm
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jasminum sambac
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Titanica, if this were happening in my life right now: "I feel sad and relieved because I really don't wanted to go on the road to figuring his life out."...I'd take it as a sign. Relief for me is a really big signal that that was the right thing that happened...

I'd like to see that ballroom and rooftop deck. It sounds grand. If the ballroom has a hardwood floor, I'd put on some cotton socks and run and slide on it.

🙂

Sleep tight.

Jas

August 2, 2007
10:52 pm
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fantas
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Titanica, I'm trying to be funny now, but this guy sounds like he is great bootie call material 🙂 A little fun while you wait for the real one 🙂

Your house sounds cool. Enjoy!

August 3, 2007
1:06 am
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titanica
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Like the socks in the ballroom idea...........; )

My gut tells me it's right to walk away...........My mind is overruling my heart which is great.

Thanks guys..........

August 3, 2007
8:56 am
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risingfromtheashes
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titanica...I think you are doing the right thing and your coach is right.

can you block his emails and texts?

it's hard...you want to believe in him and his "potential"...but NEVER EVER fall in love with a man's potential...hard lesson I learned many times over before it sank in.

he has many demons...EVEN IF he sought counseling NOW...no way to know the outcome or how long it would take to get on a better path....and by that time - it may be too late to bring children into the equation.

find someone who is equally as vivacious as you are - who is healthy and as ready as you are - someone who doesn't need fixing...someone on equal terms to your needs and wants.

I said it before - say it again - he can't be too damn serious if he is saying this via text messaging...it's so impersonal and so reeking of a man with issues....if he can't communicate openly without hiding behind his text messages or IM or emails - it's going to be a long hard road with him.

August 3, 2007
1:12 pm
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AQueen
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Wow your own ballroom. When was it built? You must live in NY. I live on the westcoast, Seattle and brownstones don't exist here. I've never seen one in real life, only in the movies. You seem like a very successful woman who deserves more than a stupid guy that can't even communicate well enough to speak to you instead of texting all the damn time.
AQueen

August 3, 2007
8:26 pm
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titanica
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wow really bad day today but I MADE IT.....spent the day painting. Picked up the phone twice to call him but did not. I have too much self respect. RISING........you pointed something out that I never realize...don't fall in love with someone's potential..WOW...........I have done that so many times...even my ex husband. I thought I had a great catch with my husband. A doctor , spoke 7 languages, committed, cultured and came from a well off family. Trust me he was and is an incredible guy. He had the potential to be affectionate ...but never was. I though ...i'll teach him to be more comfortable showing affection ( I am Latina and we love to recieve and give affection) Ten years with a man who always provided for me ...vacations, diamonds, summer homes in New Jersey and Europe. But never a hug out of the blue or a kiss (unless it was in the bedroom) I am sharing this because I just had a break through. If it ain't there it won't be there later. I guess that's why I fell head over heels with this 29 year old. He drowned me in affection and romance but I am sure he was doing that to the other women he was texting. There times that I get so angry but I let it go because it is no good for me. I realize that he is interacting with the limited experience he has in life. Anyway I a rambling. You guys have been so helpful. I hope someday I can give someone some good advice.

PS Gonna wax floors on Monday and I will do the sliding with socks thing....LOL

Be blessed and remember we are all on a journey that can be filled with excitment and wonder if we make wise choices.

PS I live in New Jersey in a historic district. The house was built in 1888.

August 4, 2007
2:03 am
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_anonymous
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titanica- This young man sounds like he has some good skills in the charming department. Did you read the thread about how you got attracted to a charmer/abuser? Sounds like he is not even in your league. An 1888 home sounds very lovely. I think this guy was smart enough to see all that you have going for you and thought he hit a gold mine.

August 4, 2007
8:40 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I agree, he probably figured he hit the jackpot...smart, succesful, financially responsible...nice home.

Anyway - I think you did hit the nail on the head - you were longing for romance - something you missed previously - so you went to the other side....but found it lacking.

There WILL be a MAN who has everything - the whole package - who will be your provider and lover - just be patient (I know it's hard when biological clock is ticking)...it will happen.

August 4, 2007
9:07 am
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jasminum sambac
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Hello, everyone in this thread. Was heading offline and wanted to ((( ))) you all.

August 4, 2007
1:36 pm
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titanica
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Hola.....

To to clear something up .I don't want children. I work with children and have enough of them all day long....lol......

The saga continues. Last night he called boo hooing. So nice me told him to come over , he lives 7 blocks away. Anyway he came over boo hooed ...we got drunk and were intimate. Anyway went to breakfast where I prceeded to tell him things must change. Now remember all night long he hugged me, told me he loved me ...blah blah blah. I really did not want him to stay because my feelings for him had changed. During breakfast after I told him things must changed the BASTARD said " Everything has changed I don't think I want to continue this relationship." Well I laughed and got up from the table and said see ya without looking back. I was really relieved. Also I kissed and hugged him all night, inside I felt the love I had for him just melt away. Doesn't that beat all........ Remember what comes around goes around. I wish him no harm but with universal law....he is gonna get his. Well off to beachhouse. Stay cool and choose happiness today..........

August 4, 2007
11:31 pm
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startingover
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Hi Titanica

Well good for you, he broke it off, now he can take the blame, what a loser. You have a lot going for you, don't settle for this drama.

SO

August 5, 2007
12:39 am
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Moondawg
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If he is texting to you his desire to be with you again, then you are absolutely correct, he is not ready for a mature relationship.

If he was knocking on yor door, coming in and sitting down on your couch with you, having a face to face discussion about where things went wrong and looking you in the eye and teling you that he is willing to change (and see a therapist) so that he could be with you, then he might just be ready for a mature relationship.

August 6, 2007
5:58 pm
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titanica
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Damm-

Spent the weekend with friends at beach house. It wasw great BUT by Sunday afternoon, I was fighting sadness and angry. Monday morning was horrible. OH MY GOD I was soooooo depressed. I have been fighting off thinking off the good times with him. Well I lost by 11am I was a mess. I was holding back tears and had to call a friend just to have company. I REFUSE to cry, he is not worth it !!!! I have been depressed since then. Got back from beach house and I am now sitting on my couch. I can't move. My heart is broken. How can someone be so CRuel. My ex told me that he may not be worth it but for my own sake I should just let go and cry, scream, throw things , whatever. I am a cry baby but I don't want to cry over him. Is this not healthy....today sad, sad, sad...

August 6, 2007
10:43 pm
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soofoo
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I sympathize with you and send you my love. It hurts to lose at this "game". I went through this. Met somebody who worked very hard at getting my attention just for the opportunity to stand me up. They need someone to pine for them. They benefit from another's suffering.

August 7, 2007
12:01 am
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titanica
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oh my god........does this guy i am a wus... after all the drama he texted me tonite..." I can not articulate the love I have for you." Because I was mature and sensitive to his feelings and just did not tell him to f#$k off, he thinks he can sweet talk me. Did I let off that energy? My friends always tell me to be tougher. My reaction is I can tell someone to bugger off with a sweet smile. I guess I am passive aggressive. My ex husband always i could kill someone and be as sweet as honey. Ok so I had a good cry tonite. I am sooooooo tired tonite, fighting back tears and fighting off this baby. God knows I do love him but he takes me for a weak woman. I have worked on myself toooooo long to take 10 steps back on my growth. Anyway...swad but hopeful.

Many blessings.

August 8, 2007
9:28 am
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peacesoul
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Titanica, sounds like he playing "cat and mouse" with you, and he's doing a good job.
Younger guys love to play this game with older women.
I'm also 40 and dated a guy for 2 yrs that was 12 yrs my junior. That break-up is what brought me to this site almost 3 yrs ago.
This young douche played me like a fiddle. I was just out of a loveless 11 yr relationship when I met him and he saw I was vulnerable.
My suggestion. Cry, kick, scream and get p*ssed off. But never let him see you do it or tell him about it.
Once the tears stop, you will realize how much energy you wasted on this punk.
For the past two yrs I've been with a new guy (my age) and he's wonderful. Prob though, he has kids. Like you, I never wanted kids, especially not someone elses kids.

Hang in there and DO NOT TXT HIM BACK!

J

August 9, 2007
6:23 pm
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titanica
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Thanks....... Has now has called me. I did not pick up the phone nor called him. I am angry but also sad. I want to call him and say everything will be ok. He calls crying and it breaks my heart. I miss him so much but not enough to do this craziness again. Man this sucks ! On the outside hw was exactly what I was longing, so much affection........... I do realize that that was all this waas about. He was broke, a drunk, unmotivated and soooooo imature. Everytime I long for him I force myself to think of all the times he recieved texts while I was sitting there. I remember also the time I tried to work this out and he just shrugged his shoulders. In our last episode, I was a hair from begging him to change, which he said nothing to. I know I know that once I get this "child" out of my system I will be so happy. I want to go out and flirt ...i just can not do it know.....my head is battling my heart. AAAAHHHHHHH !!!

Many blessings

August 9, 2007
6:26 pm
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titanica
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peacesoul....million thanks...........

August 11, 2007
8:47 am
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risingfromtheashes
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titanica,

I hope today finds you better.

It's ok to cry - you aren't crying over him - you are crying over a dream that is shattered - you are crying over wasting time on him - you are crying over the hard lesson you learned.

It's OK to cry...get it out. It helps cleanse the soul.

He is going to try everything to keep you hooked - wouldn't put it past him to send flowers or something too.

He wants his "sugar momma"...for one.

My ex was alot like this guy....always online, always talking to other women...always telling me I was making a big deal out of nothing.

it's been almost a year and a half - and it probably KILLS him that he lost me....no, he didn't want to keep me, but he didn't want to lose me...if that makes any sense.

By you walking away from him - it's killing his EGO...he can't stand to lose....so he will try everything to keep you hooked.

He NEEDS you to satisfy his ego - period.

And you don't need to feed his ego.

Let the brat loose - let him go play wiht another woman's emotions. Let him go play with the other little girls who don't know any better or are just as sick as he is.

Don't play his game...block his calls, his textes, his emails.

Do whatever it takes to get this boy out of your life.

August 11, 2007
11:21 am
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titanica
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darn..Darn...Double Darn....I picked up his call at 3 am this morning....crying...crying...He got me to go to his house...He lives 7 blocks away. He boo hoo all night. I did not want to talk. We made love and I left at 10 am, with him CLINGING on to me,,,literally clingy on ....I told him we'd chat later. I can't tell anyone beause they would KILL me. AAAAAHHHH !! I know , I know bad mistake. THe only good thing that happened was that I did not feel the same way about him...I lost the love..He looked so "yucky" ( nice grown up word) AAAAAHHHHHH.....

Live and learn........ F*@K

August 11, 2007
11:32 am
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risingfromtheashes
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titanica,

one thing I learned was that sometimes we need to go back -a few times - to remind us why we left.

as you said - you felt like "yuck" after - realizing it's not the same - the feelings are gone.

sometimes we need those reminders.

sure, they hurt - but sometimes it helps solidifying the decision in our minds.

but now that you have gone back a couple of times - you really need to strengthen your resolve to stay away.

going back a few times isn't going to hurt in the grand scheme of things - but if you make it a habit - you won't get him out of your life.

As I said before - he hates the feeling that he "lost" at his game...he needs you to stay around - cuz he hates losing.

But if you stay, nothing is going to change.

Hell - had he been ANY KIND OF MAN - he would have asked you out for a real date...not called you (probably after a night of drinking at the bar) at 3 a.m. to come see him. That's immaturity at it's best...had he been a REAL MAN, he would have waited until a decent hour in the morning and invited you out for breakfast.

This is twice in a row that he has used you for a booty call - please be smart and not make this a habit.

Also - I PRAY you use protection - being that he is at a bar and talking to many women - you have NO clue what he is bringing home with him - please be safe at all costs.

Don't kick yourself for going back - just learn the lesson and move on.

August 11, 2007
11:37 am
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risingfromtheashes
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one more thing - if you are anything like me -

I used to "go back" becaue it was comforting...I also used to think "he wants me, he must love me to keep calling me"...but sadly, he didn't love me.

well, he did love me...he loved me for what I brought into his life - for how I treated him - for how I made him feel....but he couldn't return that love. He couldn't give me anything back. He didn't have it in him.

So, I used to think "this sex feels good, it feels right, this must be love".

let me tell you - a booty call at 3 a.m. is NOT love - it's simply comfort...and it doesn't last.

The good feeling always wore off quickly...and the more time I spent with him, the quicker the "magic" wore off...until I had to face the reality that it really WAS just a booty call, no matter how special it felt...no matter what he said during the night....no matter how good it felt...no matter how much he said I was special to him.

Hell, if I could have spent our life in bed - things would be magical all the time....but it wasn't....we had to wake up and face life...and it was always back to the same old shit, same old disappointments, same old confusion, same old questions.

No matter what your heart says - these "booty calls" mean nothing other than he wants to get something from you.

August 13, 2007
10:03 pm
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titanica
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Thanks guys......Painted all day...I am sooooooo tired !! After i left his shouse thatr morning he called me several hours later to saay he wanted to have a talk. OK I said to myself and then i said that I had nothing to say and he has to do all the talking...He asked to me come over and said...just like this......"are u an idiot.If this is so important u come here". any way....after he meekly walked into MY ballroom ang started to mumble something...Hell I went all out and told him what I thought of him. His eyes were like saucers. I am VERY ladylike and polite. I went all out and cuss him out. Darn it felt good... Anyway..I gotta sleep now....

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