Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
noone to talk to
February 19, 2004
10:58 am
Avatar
dreampink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My boyfriend spent twelve years in prison. He was released last spring. He got a good job, he patched things up with his family, and we were finally together. Amazingly enough it looked as though things might actually work out for us.
Recently he started doing cocaine again. He asked me to help him stop by holding onto his money. Then he hounded me for the money until I finally just threw it at him. I told him to get out of my life and stay out.
I think I did the right thing. What else could I do? Since this has started though I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I've missed two days of work this week and I can't stop crying. I have a four-year-old son to think about. I can't go on like this. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to call him now even though I know it would be a mistake.

February 19, 2004
11:03 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI Dream,

I know you want to call him, and I also understand why you do not want to reinvolve yourself with him - actually for all the right reasons.

Keep yourself strong, you cannot change him, and he seems bent on destruction and putting himself right back in prison.

But, you are right you have a four year old son to worry about. The last thing you need is a grown "man-child" to deal with.

If he has been in prison for the last 12 years, how did you guys meet?

Z.

February 19, 2004
11:09 am
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You're in the middle of "The Struggle" right now. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong, don't contact him. Go through it. Be your own caretaker, not his.

I know the connection used to be there. But, it's become unhealthy for you now. It's soooo hard not to want to love him. But you can still love him but from a far.

These threads talk about the "detox" period of a bad relationship. Listen to what people are saying. It's really hard to go through it, but you need to for YOU.

February 19, 2004
11:48 am
Avatar
dreampink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We met seventeen years ago. He was eighteen and I was twenty. I had been married for two years and it wasn't going so well. He worked with my husband and stayed with us for awhile. He was dating his high school sweetheart but came on to me every second we were alone. I was not interested. I found him to be unattractive and a jerk. When he touched me, however, my feelings changed. We had sex and that was all it was meant to be. There was this strong animosity between us that was only broken by the occasional roll in the hay. It all sounds so sordid. That's why I've never talked much about it to anyone.

February 19, 2004
11:55 am
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think you just answered your own question. If that was all it was meant to be ("roll in the hay") - let it go... concentrate on your little boy!

You seem to have it together - don't let him tear it apart.

February 19, 2004
12:53 pm
Avatar
dreampink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wouldn't a matter of simple 'lust' have dissipated over time? Even though I hated him back then, I couldn't stop thinking about him. The thought of never seeing him again filled me with dread. Months would pass. Once even a year had passed and still he was always on my mind. Eventually he would always turn up again.

When he got locked up we started to write to eachother and that's when we began to say the things we'd never had the nerve to say before. I went through a few relationships but I never felt for the others anything close to what I felt for him.

I always wondered if he really loved me like he said he did or if he just needed me because I was all he had. He had a twenty-year five sentence and it didn't look like he'd ever get out. I'd grown used to loving someone I would never be with.

I was really skeptical about being with him when he got out but since he's been out he's won my family over, he's worked hard, and he's done so much for me and my son. I can't believe he's going to throw it all away just like that. It makes me so mad.

It makes it so much harder that I've had him near me and the dream seemed to finally become a reality only to have it ripped away from me.

I don't feel strong. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like a part of me is being torn away.

Thank you for listening.

February 19, 2004
1:13 pm
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know how you feel.... that a piece of you is being torn off... and it hurts so badly. I know it does. And you want to run away from the pain and you can't because it's still a part of you...

February 19, 2004
2:29 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Dream,

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and your pain would disappear.

Sadly, people in jail know how to manipulate people. I have learned more about folks in prison in the last few months than I ever thought I wanted to know. It is almost like they take a class "how to manipulate 101" when they get in there. They honestly do. Actually, we have a super woman that reads and will occasionally post here Ladeska. She has worked with people in prison, and I will lay dollars to donuts, she can log on and probably write here on this very thread almost word for word what he said to you in some of his letters. Why? They are all the same. Sad to say.

I know this is hard for you, especially as you thought he had really changed, and was working hard to make things right. But, if he is messing up, he is messing up and he will end up going back; and the last thing you need is for him to drag you down too.

Just hold strong to your beliefs.

Zinnie

February 19, 2004
4:14 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Nope, not superwoman, Zinnie, maybe super-whacked is more like it though! I sit here and read this thread though and just shake my head.... Lots of things go through my mind, Pink. One is how we're all brainwashed with movies, stories, you name it - we're taught to love the "bad boy" and that the woman can love him enough, be *special* to him enough that - "he will change into a prince for HER". Tell me it's not true. I mean really sit there and think about all the movies and stories where this is the bottomline. You can go on and on for hours with this plot.

But what is that REALLY teaching us? Basically how to NOT be able to read a psychopath or someone very close to being one. To have our mind so geared and so programmed that we just never, ever see them coming and stand on our tippy toes trying to slant and adjust the picture to get that precious little vision, even if for a few minutes only......of "Prince Charming" as we'd like to see him.

Thing is besides all the talk - who is the man? Talk is cheap. Always has been, always will be. What was he in prison for, btw? And I'm so sure he got right out and won your family over..... that's working a bit fast, isn't it?

I mean okay fine, you wrote letters....that's not "real time". That's someone putting words on a piece of paper... And when you were around him before - you had the love/hate stuff going on but then with the good sex involved - it becomes addictive. Why? Will the fairy tale end in..YOU somehow brought out the best in him and turned the "bad boy" around? See how we as women get into this programmed trap? We put ourselves in really bad situations sometimes because of this very thing. IF this REALLY bad boy turns around and can become Prince Charming - then that means I AM one helluva woman, right? And THERE is the "hook". Thing is - we need to be able to look at frog as a frog when we see the frog and not feel like it's UP TO US to kiss him and make him a Prince. That's a setup for a lifetime of pain, if you live that long.....

The thing is - just because someone says sweet things to us or gives us the big "O" like no other - or because they can charm our family and friends.......doesn't necessarily mean that....they have real character or that they are even showing you - their real self. Doesn't mean any of that actually. When you guys were living in the same house and all that - he was doing what? Cheating on someone?

So here he persuades you to cheat on your husband, he's obviously knifing your husband in the back himself - but was he acting so very nice to him otherwise on a daily basis?? And here he was lying and cheating on his supposed girlfriend. What bothers me here is - you don't see this as being a real dangerous quality in someone? If he did it to her - he can do it to you as well, right?

I'm sure you'd say - but I did it, too. Yep, you sure did, didn't you? And you have to ask yourself here - is this "who I am" or was that a time when I lost my head? Thing is - the real character in someone - is who they are - on a consistent basis and that doesn't mean.......who they TELL you they are in letters either. Or how good they can be for a short period of time when they come back into your life....

He'd like to get you all tied up in his life and his character so that pretty soon the water looks so muddy - you can't see who you were anymore or what your standards were or if you're any different from him on any level. He'd like that. And you're headed straight for that like a runaway freight train.

If you care to look back on the threads some - will have to go back into the 1.5 year archive up top on main page...but look for a thread that says - How Do You Become Prey to A Charmer/Abuser? There are a few threads about this since I've pulled it up a few times for people to read. It might have some things in it that could help.

I was married to a cocaine addict for one month myself and NEVER again. That sweet, charming, intelligent man that woo'd us all - about killed me one night. Was a shocker let me tell you. I took up for him and defended him to the max when people had anything adverse to say about him or our relationship. That just about bought me a .357 magnum in my face going off. You've got all the red flags waving here, just got to SEE them and stop dancing the dance.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
50
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110905
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave, EthanDiord
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer