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Non-codep. friends who just can't get "it"
August 3, 2004
3:04 pm
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babysteps
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I am increasingly frustated with a very close friend of mine. I've tried talking to her honestly about my codependency issues just so that she knows what I am going through. I don't expect her to understand or be able to make sense in it all, but I do need her to support and listen to me. I am starting to feel a lot of resentment towards her because I am constantly listening to her stories, but she never asks how I am doing with therapy and whatnot. When I have tried to explain it to her, she's responded by rambling off a number of reasons why I should be happy with myself and think that I am good person.

How do you handle friends who aren't supporting you the way you would like them to? I care so much for her, but almost feel as though I am going to pull away from her. Do you have some friends that you feel very comfortable sharing and discussing codependency with and others you don't? Is it an insincere friendship if you can't discuss these issues with a "friend?"

Baby Steps

August 3, 2004
3:14 pm
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CAMER
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babysteps...sounds like your friend is selfish...gosh, i have a few of those friends too.

I would just tell her how you feel, and let her know that you admire her
insight and ask her if she could just support you thru all of this and be a friend and help along the way.

The friends who are not helpful with my codependency, i don't even bother sharing with...and I do have a few friends who are also very supportive and know my struggle with this thing
called codependency.

Either talk with her, or i wouldn't
even bother sharing with her on the
coda issues.

good luck!

August 3, 2004
3:17 pm
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silence
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I'm in the same boat as your friend. It's not that i don't want to help you guys. It's just that I honestly can't see what your problem is. Likewise, I'm sure you really don't have much empathy for someone who has been alone his whole life.

August 3, 2004
3:20 pm
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fairy99
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I'm with Camer, talk to her. If she is a good friend she will be more supportive and less selfish.

August 3, 2004
3:21 pm
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babysteps
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Thanks, Camer for the reassurance. I needed to hear that.

Silence, I don't need my friend to help me or try to solve everything for me. Rather, I just want to share with her so that she knows the parts of me that I have hidden from everyone around me. I've told her honestly what my problem is and have told her that I would like to share stuff with her, but she seems so caught up with her own life that she doesn't even realize that I really need her support...just a listening ear...that's all I want.

And, I do have empathy for those who have been alone their entire lives. I have been in very few relationships and have always felt alone. I don't expect my friend to empathize, but I expect her to be there for me and listen. I always am there when she has drama with her b/f or mother; I would just like it to be reciprocal.

Baby Steps

August 3, 2004
3:23 pm
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babysteps
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Thanks, Camer for the reassurance. I needed to hear that.

Silence, I don't need my friend to help me or try to solve everything for me. Rather, I just want to share with her so that she knows the parts of me that I have hidden from everyone around me. I've told her honestly what my problem is and have told her that I would like to share stuff with her, but she seems so caught up with her own life that she doesn't even realize that I really need her support...just a listening ear...that's all I want.

Interestingly, I do have empathy for those who have been alone their entire lives. I have been in very few relationships and have always felt alone. I don't expect my friend to empathize, but I expect her to be there for me and listen. I always am there when she has drama with her b/f or mother; I would just like it to be reciprocal.

Baby Steps

August 3, 2004
3:51 pm
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workinonit
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Funny you should ask!!!

Last night I had a conversation with my friend who blasted me by email on Monday for not being in touch with her over the weekend. I have also been there for this friend for many of her situations and I feel she has codep issues but she won't hear about anything unless she initiates it.

I think we are also attracted to friends who bring out our codep issues. This friend doesn't even hear me well she only hears what she wants to. Kind of like my ex!!!

I have two friends who get it very well. One of my friends also uses this site but we tend to use different threads. She is one of the most understanding but we are going through the same things.

People move in and out of our lives all throughout. If she is a friend she'll wonder and ask when you do the distance thing. Good luck!!

August 3, 2004
3:54 pm
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balancesekr
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Hi Baby Steps,

I totally understand your frustration, I am very frustrated with my current friends, maybe because I am changing and really looking at what I am getting/giving to each of them.

Your close friend may feel pressured to help you or have an answer.

You should remind your friend that you just want to share and her to listen. I think you get different support from different people. I feel very comfortable with one of my friends telling her everything. But I have a friend who sounds just like yours, she just doesn't understand what my problem is... tells me I'm young, beautiful, thin, everything should be great and exciting right now for me... not so supportive in certain ways. But this is because she's a single mom, a little overweight and has her own stuff so it's hard for her to relate. However, she is great for support on different levels, know what I mean.

I am here for you buddy.
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