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October 15, 2003
6:09 pm
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Hoopla
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Having a hard time finding the good in most anything. People don't do what they say, things don't go as planned. Feeling like I broke a mirror or something. Tired of the "God working it out" & "Things will get better" talk. Too practical/rational for that. My relief has been drinking, but much more of it than I know to be healthy. I don't want the drinking to lead to serious problems - health or life issues. If I can find the good perhaps I won't need to substitute a high. Any advice. I'm new here, but will keep checking back for replies. Thanks.

October 15, 2003
6:44 pm
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Ladeska
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Maybe stop looking outward for the good to appear and start focusing on producing the good in yourself.

October 15, 2003
6:58 pm
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Ladeska
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Sorry, had to get offline real quick, meant to write more...but, I know at times in my life when I've been looking so much at everything around me that's whacked or wrong - it can get to you after awhile, especially if you a run of events that are really bad or negative.

There are some things in life you just can't do anything about and then there are other things - you can absolutely do something about. Usually the "can do" stuff lies in your own inner circle. It may be as simple as thought patterns. Looking at our own actions, being responsible for how WE set things in motion and affect things as much as anyone else.

Sometimes it's just as simple as turning our ship have an inch to the right or to the left and it opens up a whole new direction for us. Perspective.....alot has to do with "perspective", too. If you're too close into things - you're going to get a real skewed view. Back off, check yourself, get up to a place where you can really view things, shake it all up, see what your options are, choose one. If that doesn't work, choose another one, keep working the puzzle. And it also helps to lose the "I'm entitled" mindset. Not that YOU have one, but we all do to some extent.

Life and the shit therein happens to all of us. When crap flies - it doesn't care where it lands or who it's on. And sometimes we very much do have to put in more than our fair share. It's not right but neither is sitting around crying about it either when we could be - making music somewhere or blowing a hole in whatever wall that is an obstacle to us. Life is short. Make things happen in your own world. Look at what you really CAN DO and go DO IT. Spinning just digs you a bigger hole and is hard as hell to climb out of!! (smile)

Helen Keller said - Life is either one daring adventure or it is nothing.

And she would know.

Glad you're here, btw. Alot of good people on here that will no doubt talk your ear off!! We're like that. I apologize ahead of time!

October 15, 2003
7:20 pm
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Hoopla
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Thanks Ladeska. I'll think about "CAN DO...DO IT". These days my hands feel tied, dependent on other people to perform or else on the big M-word (money). Seeking a listening ear and getting these feelings out instead of drowning them is, I suppose, my "CAN DO" for today. Hopefully it'll carry me through the night and, if not, I'll be back to thread. Thanks again.

October 15, 2003
7:31 pm
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gingerleigh
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People not doing what they say they will... that drives me BONKERS, or rather it used to. I've tried to find relief from that by following through on what I say I will do, and choosing very carefully what I will follow up on so that I don't overstretch myself and feel slighted when others can't follow through when I'm busting my ass so hard. I just don't make commitments know where I have to bust my ass so hard any more, if that makes sense.

Planning for reality also helps me a lot. Trivial example... if I know that I am meeting a friend who is habitually 15 minutes late, I'll usually bring something else to do for 15 minutes (like a book) or show up later myself since being on time isn't such a big deal to her. If I'm meeting that same friend for a very important function, I'll either fudge the start time to be earlier, or meet her elsewhere before hand for coffee or lunch or dinner and then go together to the function.

These are little things, but by taking back your power and focusing on those things that are truly in control, you'll start to notice other little things that are kinda cool in the world.

As for the drinking, I'm a good one to bounce ideas off of, since I've got similar experiences and struggles with alcohol. I've never thought of myself as an alcoholic, but I find that over the past year I have turned to it again and again for unhealthy reasons (solace, comfort, boredom, stress...) and have made a conscious choice to make other choices. I don't drink alone any more, nor do I drink in social gatherings as often. Alcohol is reserved for a special occasion where the wine is excellent and tasting is the goal, not the buzz that comes from drinking a glass or three. It's been a struggle for me, and each evening when I shop for groceries and walk quickly pasts the wine aisle is a personal victory. And that power of choosing something other than my initial reflex is an amazingly good thing in my book.

There are also journals out there that prompt you about what to write, gets you to look at the positive, the negative, and the perplexing...

"> "

October 15, 2003
7:43 pm
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gingerleigh
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Ah, one other thing... being judgemental of other people is usually an indicator of being judgemental of oneself. When you don't follow through on a commitment, how forgiving are you of yourself?

October 15, 2003
8:07 pm
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Hoopla
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Thanks Gingerleigh...I relate to all you said. Sometimes I am organized and prepared for reality and other times - like lately - it knocks the wind out of me with it's unexpectedness. Ah yes, the wine aisle, the reasons for reaching out to my bottle, the entitlement to peace of mind, the conscious decision to do something different - I relate and would love to hear more from you about your success. I'll also check out the link on journals--I like journaling and appreciate new sources. Finally, well yes...if I fail on a commitment, I can't eat, sleep or much else, except perhaps drown the disappointment in myself. Something to be learned from that, I'm sure, so I'll think on it. Thanks again.

October 15, 2003
11:39 pm
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mj
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Welcome here Hoopla 🙂

I had a totally unmanageable life. I found AA by mistake and stayed there because it was the best thing I had ever found in my life. Even though I wasn't a problem drinker, I could relate to those searching for serenity. It is in those walls of AA I regained my spirituality. Im keeping it.

I started attending Al-Anon just over a year ago. It felt even better for me. I am glad I found a twelve step program to give me the tools to create a better life for myself. There isn't any quick easy answers my friend, but lots of support.
Glad you are here. Keep coming back...bring more Haagen Daaz 🙂

October 15, 2003
11:55 pm
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Hoopla
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Hi MJ,
We're in two places at once. Quite a feat. Wish I could manage that in the real world - or maybe not. Thanks for sharing. AA works for many people and I respect different strokes/different folks, but I'm not for AA. I'm looking for another circle of support where I feel greater comfort. I'm also trying to look within to undo this potentially detrimental behavior - needing a quick fix - that I assume full responsibility for setting in motion.

October 15, 2003
11:58 pm
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mj
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Good for YOU. Good Luck in your search.

October 16, 2003
12:23 pm
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gingerleigh
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It starts as they say one day at a time. Try it for one day. When you wake up in the morning, make a promise to yourself that you won't drink that day. Just that day. Tomorrow, sure, what the hell. But today you are committing to make other choices. This sounds really simple, but for me it wasn't, because the doubt creeps in like "it's just one day, and I can do the just one day thing tomorrow, right?" And more creepy messages like "Oh, I don't need the alcohol, I just want to relax a bit, and I really want to try that new Zinfandel that Safeway started stocking..." or "Hey I had a really rough day and I deserve a reward..."

I'm find rewards elsewhere. Each time I go to the grocery store and don't buy wine I take an additional $5 or $10 and stick it in the jar in the living room. Periodically I check the jar and if there's $20 in there I might decide to get a latte at Starbucks, or go out to lunch. It's my "mad money" for little luxuries that I couldn't afford before. (But hm, there always seemed to be money to buy wine...)

Plus with the pot on the shelf it's kind of fun to watch my progress.

October 16, 2003
12:42 pm
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Hoopla
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Thanks Gingerleigh--
Once again, I relate to what you've said. I actually bought a little piggy bank the other day with a cute quote on it. It's my plan to drop $10 each time I make it safely down the wine aisle. You're right, though, I haven't dropped anything yet...always seems I can't spare it although that's NEVER the case when I want a quick fix. Reminds me of this quote:
"Funny how $100 looks so big when you take it to church, but so small when you take it to the mall".
Thanks again.

October 17, 2003
10:40 pm
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mj
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I bet if I put my $8 a day habit into a jar....I would be able to afford a lot of luxuries. I like mocha's and cigarettes. My 2 addictions. Neither one are healthy. You guys might be on to something here.

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