Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
No Matter WHAT YOU DO...or how HARD YOU TRY.....
November 23, 2006
11:06 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

THank you Bevee and WD. I've ot a lot to think about.

November 24, 2006
8:56 am
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MamaCinnamon

I thought of something else. Another huge reason I did not leave sooner.

I didn't want to admit I was wrong. I didn't want the world I lived in to see me that way. I didn't want to admit it to myself. I now believe I put up with the abuse longer because nothing he said to me was as abusive as the dialogue that went on in my head.

Take care

Bevdee

November 24, 2006
2:01 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bevdee:

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes, and this last one Yes.

The biggest thing is the medical insurance. My scripts are over $500 month w/ insurance. I know if I go to state insurance I'll lose my docs and they are good and they care about me and my comfort zone where state won't care.

Yes that he is my daughter's daddy does play into it but I don't think by much other than we'd lose our home and we'd wind up at my mom's, and I don't want my mom influencing her. I don't her listening to gramma cry every night when she goes sleep. I don't want gramma telling her that she's depressed and what is my child gonna do to make her feel better. That's a toss up as to which of the two evils to live w/. I have taught my kids to be strong and what is and is not healthy behavior. lol. My oldest, I only have to say a few words and she'll finish the sentence... "don't worry mom, I won't do as you did and I do know better." Really that's not funny, but she is strong.

My religious convictions are a big part of who I am. And according to my beliefs he has done nothing biblical to leave by. Yes, I do agree and know the Bible does give outs from a marriage for specific reasons, but he's not broken any of them yet.

Yes to the last one a little bit, but I think the bigger thing is that I look at my first marriage compared to this one and this is a walk in the park if you compare them. I have a friend that I have confided in here where I live and she asked why don't I tell my dad and maybe he could give hubby the whatfor. I cannot. If I did and then he and I wanted to make our marriage work they'd not forgive him. My mom let me know when we married that after my first hubby and my bro's first wife hurt her so bad by leaving then she'd not give any spouse another chance. Her loss.

Well, I've opened my heart and given you my answers as honestly and openly as I can. I know the situation is not the best by far. I do still melt when he looks into my eyes w/ love. But I know that does not make amends for the other times.

November 24, 2006
2:44 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mamacinnamon,

It's good to hear from you. My friend with the fibro? She too stays in a marriage that I think I would not stay in. Because of the illness, insurance, and not wanting to lose her home.

She grew up with an abusive father - he beat all three of them - her, her sister, and her mother. In comparison, her husband is an angel. Good-lookin, too.

She has started seeing a therapist because of the effects the illness has on her emotionally. She really suffers from it. She told me now that her son is 18, and moved out of the house, she does not know what she is. She said "I don't know how to act if I'm not Jordy's mommy."

I'm honored that you opened your heart to me.

Bevdee

November 24, 2006
3:11 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bevdee:

I am sorry about your friend. Sucks. Please tell her I feel for her and if she does not already have it please have her get the manual Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain, A Survival Manual, Second Edition by Devin Starlanyl and Mary Ellen Copeland. I totally love this manual. It tells you what the illness is, how to deal w/ it, what things can com from having it, etc. I have progressed fibro, severe sleep apnea, edema, arthritis, and just a couple weeks ago I got the wonderful news I now have degenerating cartilage in both my knees and my right shoulder which makes the pain worse even w/ the meds. It's all the illness progessing. Anyway, I feel knowledge is power and I hope for her the best and that she hits plateau and stays there. My mom has fibro too but only in the beginning newsomson (sp) stage. She'll say "I don't hurt like you" and I say "Feel blessed you don't for now".

I lost my identity when I had to quit work and almost everything else I used to do. I was so totally lost. That was about 4 years ago. Then I found this place and now I feel like I am doing something important again. No, I don't live solely for this site, but the family I have here is a big part of my life. Tell your friend to find her nitch. I advocate for abused women. There is something she is good at and/or has her passion in. I think someone here I suggested they find a pet board and to do for them there what we do here. They love animals and I think felt lost coz they had to get rid of theirs or something like that. Not sure.

Tell our friend how important she is and that she will find herself; just search until she does. She needs this to do this. As I always say.. you either rise above or you stay in your little box. That is the two choices we have that we ourselves make.

Thanks for talkin to me about all this Bevdee. I don't talk about it much, and am sensitive if I do. Again, thanks.

🙂

Oh, also tell your friend if she is not a part of a fibro group online that it makes a world of difference to be able to talk to those that understand. There are some really good fibro sites online.

November 24, 2006
3:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((((((MamaC))))))) Don't know what to say, but just wanted to stop by and give you a biggggggggggg ole hug! You are such a beautiful woman with such a giving heart. It pains me that you are hurting, but I know you will figure out what is best for you and then you will do it.

Anyway, just wanted you to know I am praying for you.

Love, Plz~

November 24, 2006
3:47 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mamacinnamon,

Thanks for your reply. I haven't been able to talk to my friend for a while, since I went back to working days. Her pain keeps her up most nights so when I worked midnights, we had many many conversations. We got to relive alot of high school memories and laugh alot. It was healing for both of us.

Now they are tracking her brain through MRI because her drs suspect MS.

She was the one who pushed me into her truck and drove me to the police station then the ER when the ex-abuser raped and beat me. She is the one who supported me when I made the decision to leave.

A couple of years ago, she told me that she was taking some drink called Xango(sp?) and it really helped her energy levels. It also helped her lose weight, and the last time I saw her (march?) she was wearing a size 12. Not bad for gals our age- 46!

You know what? She also holds the same religious beliefs you do!! SHe is as intractable as I am!!

Mamacinnamom, I am going to try to stay up late and call her!

Thank YOU.

November 24, 2006
3:54 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bevdee:

I think it's great you stayin up late to call her. Outside contact means so much. I know I can sit here and a week or so pass and I haven't even seen outside. You get lost and lose tract of time w/ this illness. Also, the idiocy of this is they give me meds to keep me awake during the day but will not give me any to sleep at night. I sleep 2-5 hours most nights. She is probably the same. Poor little lamb.

You are a good friend to her. That is one in a million.

🙂

November 24, 2006
3:59 pm
Avatar
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mamac ... you lost "you" (4 years ago) .. but ... we have "found" you ... 😉

- "My big deal is to the attitude. I cannot get it. I try. I focus on other things, do someting nice for someone else, think of me (some), but the hurt feeling and distrust are still there. I know alot of it is coz his bro is heavy into it and I know my hubby hangs out w/ him alot.

Circumstances bein as they are... my mom, who has never been there for me other than droppin off groceries or the like, said to me that if he leaves her and dad will help me out. I was shocked. Truely happy but shocked. It's hard to say I got dooped again. Ya know that failure type feelin. Why do we have to have emotions anyway.

Anyway, I just need to find a way to let this go coz it is definitely causing strife in our marriage. I just cannot find how. " -

sometimes there is no (one) best way "out" (out of ... problems) ... and all we can do is ... think about finding some "balance" that generates a positive outcome - the biggest "gain" - in terms of "positive emotions" ...

so carefully examine (scrutinize ?) your "emotional cashflow" ... its gains and drains (take stock) ... it "is" you ... your "identity" ...

nobody is in a position (it is not up to "us") to judge you for the way you chose to live your life ....

it´s simply not wise to "do" or "try" (~ thread title) options lying outside one´s limitations. Only get´s you to feel (more) frustrated and powerless. And you probably don´t want to go there. So ... change - however small - .. yes ... but ... limited to realistic steps or ... goals .... I also understand you do want to make your relationship work, but ... I don´t think realizing that goal at your expense is really the way (hurt feeling, distrust ...). THAT´s precisely Why you "have" to have emotions. If you didn´t have them, you would "rob" yourself of an important part of "you" - your sense of self or identity ...

whichever road (path) you´ll decide to take ... I am behind you all the way ...

- keep talking ... occupy ("fill") this (your) "space" - you´re worth it ! -

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
39
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38546
Posts: 714227
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer