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no identity
May 31, 2005
3:25 pm
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hulababe
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i have been feeling that i dont have an identity. i feel deeply flawed. i am also concerned because all i want to do is avoid people.

May 31, 2005
4:08 pm
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on my way
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Hi,
Identity is a hard thing to conquer sometimes. But for me, (and I am STILL learning),,I found that I was putting who I am on people and things that fade, or actually and in reality have no power to define who I am.

So sometimes it is a matter of discerning your gifts, and what makes you unique.

May 31, 2005
4:55 pm
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hulababe
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Dear OMW
Thank you for your response. I feel that what you are describing was true of me in the past but since I've gotten past realizing that I'm not a caretaker, mother,churchmember...I'm left asking then who am I. I know I would morph into whatever I thought I needed to be. Now I am aware of this but since I'm not being something who am I? I heard a def. shared at my last CODA meeting that really struck me it was codepency is a disease of the developing self. I felt very grieved because I don't think I ever deveoped an identity.
If anyone else has experienced this I would appreciate your comments.
hb

June 1, 2005
1:43 am
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moongirl
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hulababe,
I like the website:
http://www.voicelessness.com there is a section on developing "voice" under the voicelessness and emotional survival section. There are lots of other articles on relationships, narcissistic parenting, shame, etc.. but I like the article on "Little Voices" the most--I see myself in that article a lot. When I'm not concentrating on the needs of other people and able to anticipate their needs, I feel invisible and have no idea who I actually am and what makes me unique or how I have my own special voice....

June 1, 2005
1:59 am
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addicts wife
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Moongirl that sounds like a wonderful resource!
I'll check it out in a bit.
HulaBabe.. I can identify with what youare saying in a way that may be different, but Similar in the fact that I am now 33, waspretty sure of who i was and luked it... but in the past 3 or so years my health isnt so good and not getting better and By my name you can see that Im married ot an addict.. so now i dont knowwho Ive become,since so much Of my identity was involved in my work andhow i felt being able to work.provide for myself, and have independence let alone Identity
I guess what Im learning now Is not so much who I am, but who I am not...
I think people go though this often at different stages of their lives.

Hope this helped a little..by hsaring, I dontreally have any advice at the moment.
AW

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