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NO CONTACT>>KILLING ME>>PLEASE HELP
October 12, 2006
9:22 pm
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needtoheal
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HI... I ONLY FOUND THIS SITE A FEW DAYS AGO.. I NEED SOME ADVICE AND HELP....

October 12, 2006
9:28 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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What's wrong?

October 12, 2006
9:52 pm
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needtoheal
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HI... PROBLEMS WITH MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND... I POSTED WHAT IS GOING ON THE THREAD TO SANTINO I'M HERE.. COULD YOU READ THAT

October 12, 2006
9:53 pm
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needtoheal
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AND IT IS ON SANTINO... READ THIS

October 12, 2006
9:56 pm
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needtoheal
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BASICALLY I HAVE TO END A FOUR YEAR VERBAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL RELATIONSHIP.. IT IS SO DIFFICULT.. I THINK BECAUSE WHEN I WAS SEPARATED TO MY EX-HUSBAND HE WAS THERE FOR ME THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF THE DIVORCE... AND I WAS HIS CRUTCH TOO BECAUSE HE QUIT SMOKING POT FOR TEN YRS AFTER HE MET ME...

October 12, 2006
9:56 pm
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needtoheal
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BASICALLY I HAVE TO END A FOUR YEAR VERBAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL RELATIONSHIP.. IT IS SO DIFFICULT.. I THINK BECAUSE WHEN I WAS SEPARATED TO MY EX-HUSBAND HE WAS THERE FOR ME THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF THE DIVORCE... AND I WAS HIS CRUTCH TOO BECAUSE HE QUIT SMOKING POT FOR TEN YRS AFTER HE MET ME...

October 12, 2006
10:10 pm
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lovinglife
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needtoheal~ have you been over on the No Contact Thread?? I haven't been there for awhile but that is where I started out in here 4 months ago and it was a life saver. Right now the biggest thing to help you through of course is support and encouragment but knowing that you not alone AND gaining some insight onto your sitz. If you haven't checked that thread out yet, I'd suggest reading over some of the posts in there (and posting in there too)... like I said, it was my life saver.

((( needtoheal )))

October 12, 2006
10:23 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks lovinglife for responding... I FEEL SO ALONE AND I AM TRYING TO REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT....

October 13, 2006
12:32 am
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chelonia mydas
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{{Needtoheal}}

I understand that this is very painful for you. This site is a great place to find support and advice from others. Some are probably going through, or have been through situations similar to you.
I agree with Lovinglife that you may benefit from reading and posting on the NO Contact thread.

You can get through this. Sometimes periods in our life that are so painful are also opportunities for growth and gaining personal strength.

Everything changes and nothing is ever forever. Stay strong and keep in mind that everything works out as it should eventually- sometimes it just takes a while. If it helps, take things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Do what works for you and continue to stay strong and seek support and help when needed.

hugs and postitive thoughts,
Chelonia

October 13, 2006
12:39 am
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santino
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hi needtoheal, thanks 4 posting on my thread, how u holding out girl?

October 13, 2006
2:08 am
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doubleloss
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needtoehal. no contact is very hard. I'm going through the same, it is difficult and some times it feels like poison. I'm over 8 weeks now and the desire to contact him is growing stronger every day. It is hard. I hope it is worth it.

October 13, 2006
6:48 am
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taj64
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No contact is the hardest process ever. But to have contact puts you in a place where your progress actually slips back even further. You don't want to do this. I have tried no contact for year. Everytime there is the slightest contact, it takes me a few days to recover. I get anxious, nervous, sad etc. It was not worth having made the contact myself sometimes and sometimes it was unavoidable for contact. My heart would have healed a lot quicker had I not stayed angry, and put myself first. It takes a lot of pain, faith, and patience to get through this period. All emotions are ok but the point is to get them out and don't stuff them. Crying does help. And so does getting angry. It is important to feel the emotions in order to move on. Even though you feel alone, you are not, many many people here totally understand and know what it is like to try no contact. You want to live life again and you get one shot so think positive, think about yourself, and make it a goal to recover from this loss. You will see the light.

October 13, 2006
8:19 am
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hopeful for change
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I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is hard, those of us who have been through this know that. I can tell you it worked for me. When I left my ex, who was an abuser, meth addict, alcholic...I really thought I was going to die. It was really the hardest thing I ever have done in my life. To keep the no contact. But its the only way that it would work. It wasn't a normal healthy relationship, where a person can accept the end, and part sweetly, friendly. Abuse has alot of control issues, and they are master manipulators. For me, it was the only way.

The way I handled it was, just trying to make it through the no contact one day at a time. I also went to a counselor, and a support group. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and months turned to years, and I still have to enforce it.

I wish you luck, and I hope you find the support here that you need.

hopeful

October 13, 2006
8:20 am
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needtoheal
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thanks all !!! i really appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice....

October 13, 2006
8:46 am
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needtoheal
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HE SAID THAT WE ARE TOO CRAZY FOR EACH OTHER AND THAT TOO MUCH HAS HAPPENED FOR US TO MOVE FORWARD... AND THAT WAS SAID AFTER HE CAME TO MY WORK TO SEE ME... I WISH I DID NOT SEE HIM THERE....
SO BEFORE I WENT TO BED I TEXT MESSAGED HIM: SO YOU DO NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE.. THE NEGATIVE OUTWEIGHS THE POSITIVES OF THE PAST 4 YEARS.. I UNDERSTAND.. YOU CLOSED THE DOOR AND IT IS NOW SHUT.. GOOD LUCK MY EX""
AND SO TODAY WHEN I WOKE UP I STARTED MY NO CONTACT..
HE USED TO CALL EVERY MORNING AND DIDN'T CALL OR TEXT SO THAT HELPED ME.. ACTUALLY I DID NOT WANT TO EVEN LOOK AT THE CELL PHONE... THAT IS WHAT IS DIFFICULT FOR ME BUT I KNOW THAT I CAN BE STRONG BECAUSE I DID THIS WITH MY EX-HUSBAND AND IT TOOK A LONG TIME .. WE HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR THREE YEARS AND SEPARATED FOR FIVE.. SO IT DOES GET BETTER...AND I EVEN HAVE TO SEE MY EX HUSBAND BECAUSE HE LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HER TWO KIDS THAT GO TO SCHOOL WITH MY TWO KIDS... MY KIDS THINK THAT HE HAS A NEW FAMILY AND HE DOES...BUT THAT WAS HIS CHOICE...
I WILL KEEP READING ON THE NO CONTACT THREADS AND TRY TO FOLLOW EVERYONE'S ADVICE...
THANKS FOR ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT

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