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No Contact for 2B
March 20, 2008
11:43 am
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DorisDay
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Honestly? It takes a good 3 months.

I was in CONSTANT CONTACT with who I thought was my best friend, lover, and confidant: My fiance! Oh he hurt me so.

When we split on Oct 17, I was a MESS. A FREAKIN' MESS! I couldn't function. However, my pride and ego are so large that I cut him off cold turkey. He never contacted me, nor I to him.

I stay busy with school and both my jobs. That is key. Stay busy.

There is no use asking him what is wrong. Most will just lie. Many people feel uncomfortable being cornered.

Just be like Jackie Kennedy Onasis: Classy, quiet, and move on. That is the only way to survive.

March 20, 2008
12:07 pm
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sdesigns
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2B: I would advise against setting up a timeline and deciding to email him in a month. That is just making sure he'll be in your head for a month, and you'll probably be looking forward to that day so that you can email him. Try to make each day of not contacting him or thinking about him the goal.

I think if you contacted him in a month after not hearing from him he would wonder why you're even thinking about him.

My last "bf"- when we spent Xmas eve eve together- not even Xmas eve- I gave him some nice gifts and he gave me a Starbucks card he found lying in the trash in the back of his truck. Not cool.

SD

March 20, 2008
1:02 pm
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sad sack
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Dear 2BHappy,

I totally understand your desire for some answers. However, contacting him will only prolong the agony and delay the letting go process.

As sdsigns said, there is no actual timeline to the recovery or healing process. Everyone is so different and circumstances are so different.

You said you should be out looking. But I don't agree. Your heart is still entangled in this online dating experience (both cases). I don't think you are quite ready.

I need to get going to work but I just wanted to offer some support and to let you know you are not alone. There are many of us here (myself included) who are dealing with a broken heart.

We will get through this.

sad

March 20, 2008
1:16 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Maybe not out looking but being busy with life.. going out and trying to have fun.

Instead I come home and just drink and go to bed and wait until tomorrow.

I am feeling so alone..so frustrated and feel as if I will never love again..which is something that I long for. I have so much inside of me that I want to share that with someone special.

Yes..I will not plan on writing him..it will only boast his ego and prolong my agony. I need to let go...there are some minutes of the day where I feel really ok with this..but I think the main issue for me is the loneliness..Its been too long and I've had too many disappointmets..each one just combines them all in one so each disappointment is greater than the last and I cant bear to have another one.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
1:47 pm
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atalose
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Give yourself the closer by accepting the fact that this man is a player.

All the facts point to it no matter how much you dreamed or wanted it to be different.

Your wanting to get over something that never really was. Be sad for your lost hopes, dreams and desires you built around this stranger on the internet.

Learn from this mistake, block this person's e-mail and put a close to this madness.

If you have the desire to even want to e-mail this person then I suggest making a therapy appointment as soon as possible.

Why is it so important for you to want some kind of honesty and closer from this stranger who's lied to you all along? Can't you understand your not going to get honesty from a predator on the internet.

Please stop doing this to yourself over and over again, take control and BLOCK HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS and give yourself closer.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 20, 2008
2:35 pm
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2BHAPPY
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I do have a problem.

I go through this all the time..I look back and it has been the same feeling and same plans of future contacts and then one day I wake up and the feeling is gone. But the hard part is that while I am going through it..it feels like it will never pass.

Yes, I have had some men that have left and I am left without closure and I suffer and suffer the rejection and then its all gone and even when I see their number or the email address, I just say "WHAT FOR?"
and it is no longer important to me.

BUT right now it feels terrible.. the lost of the hope that I had because it wasnt anything. Yes, call me crazy for thinking like this over an internet relationship and one meeting...but I romantize these things and he was a very handsome fireman.

ATALOSE - think you are confusing the two men.. One was a young fireman who lied to me about his name and then looked up my address through the fire dept. and showed up at my door unannounced.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
2:51 pm
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atalose
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This is the firemen I am talking about.

I have gone back and re-read all of your posts. Here are some facts that maybe you need to see in order for you to realize your dream firemen is not what your mind or emotions have created him to be.

You met on a dating site by responding to his ad.

He had listed himself on more then one dating site.

You spoke with him over the phone and made plans to meet, and then he blew you and the date off. You got upset and told him off and he stopped contacting you.

Then you begin to pursue him on another dating site because you are wondering if he’s a player. (You don’t seem to think he is) The fact he listed himself on several dating sites should have given you a hint.

He was only writing to you once a month or would go several months without contacting you. He wanted you to call him, you didn’t so I would guess he kept himself busy with the other woman (from his ads) he was corresponding with and talking to on the phone and meeting at bars near cheap hotels.

You said he seems (key word seems) to be a nice guy but gets distracted by work (convenient for an easy way out). He is definitely looking for someone now that he is divorced for 1 ½ years and ready to settle down (I would ? if he really was divorced). Then you say this man is every woman’s dream and he doesn’t date… (Then what is he doing on several dating sites?) and those were only the sites you knew about.

Then you said he’s not on dating sites anymore (at least not ones you are aware of)

So you finally go on your date with him and you say that with in 10 minutes of meeting he actually remembered your real name and remembered your previous conversation. (Didn’t that conversation have to do with him standing you up on a date and you telling him how hurt that made you. And then you never heard from him again.)

Then you kiss in the parking lot (of the bar near a cheap hotel) and he doesn’t mention
seeing you again. (Guess you didn’t get the hotel hint) or getting your phone #. (He’s a player and you’re not playing so why would he contact you again?)

It’s been several weeks now and you haven’t heard from him. You have made every excuse in the book for him including he is spending time with his son, he is away in training, he is busy with his work as a fire captain.

Fire Captains don’t make $150,000.00 a year, not even with over time do they come close to that.

And even if he did make that amount a year then why would he be living in a trailer? It doesn’t make sense no matter how you try and justify it.

This man was a player 2 years ago when you first contacted him and you expressed what you were looking for with a long term committed relationship. He’s a player so that was definitely not what he was looking for with you. Then you ignore that and contact him on another dating site.

You can’t trust the words of a stranger in e-mails period. And when someone has several ads on several dating sites and is conveniently unavailable most of the time, something is wrong there.

If I could, I would pore you a hot cup of tea and give you a big hug and offer you my shoulder to cry on. And express to you that I am here to support you through this and help you not repeat mistakes from the past.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 20, 2008
3:31 pm
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2BHAPPY
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ATALOSE - you are such a sweetheart. You summarized everything for me which really brought a smile to my face. You are RIGHT all along. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I think I will read them myself when time has passed and take a good laught at myself.

He is really a Hippie though.. thats why he lives the way he lives..but not important anymore.

I will read your post when I am feeling like contacting him in any way. Yep..he is a player and I played right into him. When we were kissing and I asked him if he was romantic..he said yes and asked me the same question and then he responded that I wasnt showing him how romantic I was...so I guess the player will continue to play..but with someone else.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
10:08 pm
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atalose
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2BHAPPY,

In a post above you said you can be kind of materialistic sooooo

Remind yourself that you wouldn't go shopping to K-MARK for a good quality leather handbag sooooo

you shouldn't go shopping on the internet for a good quality man.

LOL

((((2BHAPPY))))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 20, 2008
11:14 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Atalose...you are so right...but its hard to find quality men anywhere.

You really think internet guys are up to no good?

This evening I was driving home and I actually started laughing at myself for feeling the way I did. I dont even know these 2 creeps..I am actually missing the younger one more because we did chat a whole lot more. I am now confused..yes I have a problem but I am getting better now..Your posts have been such help and support for me..made me see things in different perspective and pretty soon this man will be a distant memory.. Now why did I continue to email him for 2 years?...that is so crazy.

Now I have to give up on Firemen and I thought they were so attractive to me... I will never look at a fireman the same way.

I am having my "mojito" and drinking until I get sleepy like every night.
Believe it or not I have a doctor interested in me..but I am not interested in him at all. He has been calling me since the incident to make sure I am ok..but he is kind of nerdy and I am not attracted to him at all..We have known each other for about 4 years. Met him at a church gathering..but he has his problems.

I am just posting my feelings this evening. Getting better

 

 

2bHappy

March 21, 2008
11:12 am
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2BHAPPY
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Hi Everyone,

I had a good night sleep..only woke up once and immediately fell asleep again. I went shopping last night and felt better...Lately had not even enjoyed that.

Dont even know what to think or write anymore..must mean that I am getting it out of my system. I know I'll be ok within the next few weeks.

I'll be afraid to go online in the future when I am ready. I just cant believe these 2 last characters.

 

 

2bHappy

March 21, 2008
11:15 am
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atalose
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2BHAPPY,

I think the internet increases the percent to a very high level of finding allot of troubled men. It’s the kind of trouble we don’t need or want.

Laughing is good especially when we can laugh at ourselves.

It’s hard because you mentioned that you don’t go out allot and stay home so sitting in the comfort of your own home and wanting to meet someone leaves no choice but the internet.

I know in my area of this country there are allot of volunteer fire depts. Where they often have fundraisers such as steak and lobster dinners where the general public is invited. See if there is anything like that offered in your area. I have gone to several of these over the years and they are fun and a great way to meet new people (firemen!).

Also something to think about is volunteering in your community, see what’s available and what you might enjoy. It would get you out of yourself and your routine and another way to meet new people (men). In my experience I have met good quality people who volunteer, not that each and everyone of don’t have problems but those who commit to helping their communities don’t seem to be of the same quality person sitting and praying on the internet.

I think you really might benefit from finding places and people where the main focus is not on dating or just a place where singles meet.

I’m heading out now to do some Easter shopping and enjoy this beautiful day!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 21, 2008
11:38 am
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2BHAPPY
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Yes, there must be a lot of community events. I have been involved in a few events. Just need to get some strength right now..Lately all I have energy is to come home and sleep. Havent been concentrating much at work and have been very slow on my work. I get to work late and then I just think all day.

I really think that my biggest problem is loneliness. I dont go out much except for church.

I really need to figure out something because I do want to get out of this rut.

I dont know about firemen anymore after those 2 last one. They were the only ones and I dont have very positives things to say....especially after I complained after the young one finding my address. they dont want to admit that they found him...even though the first guy that answered the phone was very nice and told me they had a good idea who he was and they were going to speak to him that day..now they have backed off and are giving me the run around.

 

 

2bHappy

March 23, 2008
4:47 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Hi everyone..I am getting better..I really think i'll get over this...just now embarrased that I made such a fool of myself with this man. Actually writing to someone that was so rude in blowing me off and never giving me an explanation. Then again meeting him and him acting all loving and understanding and once again blowing me off. This is embarrassing beyong belief. I had high expectation from a fireman..but no more. He will never hear from me again...he is definetely not my type and I need to keep looking. I know God has someone for me..I just need to surrender to him as I no longer feel that I have control over who comes into my life. I have to stay still and wait.

I kind of feel bad for the younger fireman..the one that came to my house without my permission. I think they have finally found him and the Chief called me to talk to me about him..but I havent returned the phone call. I think I was more upset about him not telling me his real name, whether he was married or not..(which he denied) over him coming over to my house. he was a good friend and we would chat all the time about everything...I do miss him and I do wish that he will feel remorse at least about lying to me.

I think both these fireman just added more anxiety to my life. They were in my life and they both left my life at the same time.

I am just rambling on about my feelings today. Feel much better, went to church and came home to be with my own thoughts there. Was invited to an Easter party..but I feel that I need to be home and just write my thoughts.

 

 

2bHappy

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