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No Contact for 2B
March 18, 2008
8:23 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Last emailed him..on 3/17

Ok..I think I will start this thread and count the days and one day it will no longer matter.

Need Your Support as I journey through this and finally put this behind.

Thanks

 

 

2bHappy

March 18, 2008
10:59 pm
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DorisDay
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YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT!

(((((((((2BHAPPY!))))))))))))))))

March 18, 2008
11:42 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Thank you Doris..you are so sweet.

I am starting to feel better and pretty soon..it will be all over. I keep looking at my emails to see if he wrote back..but no..the man is so rude and selfish..he wont even bother writing back..It would be nice for him to send something and just say "have a good life" but this way is easier for him. I was so stupid in writing to him for 2 years and boasting his ego when I finally met him.

But he will not hear from me ever again.

 

 

2bHappy

March 19, 2008
9:42 am
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StronginHim77
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BLOCK HIS EMAILS. The only way to heal is to initiate complete No Contact.

- Ma

March 19, 2008
10:05 am
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2B

I also broke NC big time last week and have had no response. I asked if it was true he is getting married? Well, no response so I guess it's true and he is really finished with me. ;0(

Good and bad. Good if that's the only way I will no contact. Bad because I have to go through the crap.

I am trying to figure what will make me happy, with myself on the inside without validation from the outside.

Good luck to both of us.

Celtic

March 19, 2008
10:19 am
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razor
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I am trying to figure what will make me happy, with myself on the inside without validation from the outside.

I'm right there with you Celtic.I have been told many times over that its an inside job. I think I am slowly getting it.

2BHAPPY Good for you
Glad you are feeling better.

March 19, 2008
10:19 am
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DorisDay
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AHHHH..The empty email..the silent phone. YES LADIES..BEEN THERE DONE THAT AFTER THREE STRAIGHT YEARS OF NON-STOP IMing, PHONE CALLS, etc.

I feel your pain..but it WILL GET BETTER!

March 19, 2008
10:41 am
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atalose
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Some times support comes in ways we think are mean or judgmental, I am not judging you and I am not trying to be mean.

You had a date with a man you have been corresponding with over the internet for 2 years. The date was great but it may have also happened at a bad time. After your date he was to spend time with his son that weekend then go out of town for training.

Now you are obsessing and mad, hurt and disappointed that he has not contacted you.

You sent him an e-mail knowing he was out of town and busy with training. You didn’t get a reply so you re-sent it. Impatient and demanding behavior is doing you in.

Now you want no contact and obsessing that two years of your time has been wasted and he’s looking to take the easy way out, all this because he has not e-mailed you after telling you he was going away for training.

You are obsessing and your impatience and demanding behavior (which comes across as extremely needy) is really doing you in. It sounds like this has been your MO for years and that needs to change or you will continue to have these obsession faux relationships going on in your head. Men do not want desperate, needy, clingy demanding woman, period. Those behaviors make men run in the opposite direction.

The clinger you become the quicker and faster they want to get away. If you are projecting your desire for a long term committed relationship early on then no wonder these relationships haven’t worked out.

When I was dating I met a man through a mutual friend, we a great first date and I gave him my phone #. He called me the next day and we scheduled another date. On that date I realized he was not for me. Through our conversation I realized he was looking for a long term committed relationship and I was not. I turned down his request for a third date and I explained to him why. He said he understood but yet he continued to call my home everyday.

I was glad I had caller I.D. because sometimes he would call 4 or 5 times a day. I finally had to turn my answering machine off so he could not leave me long winded demanding message on why I was not answering his calls. Basically he became a stalker. I talked to him and explained my position I asked him to stop calling me. He stopped calling me at home but then began to show up at my place of business.

He explained to me that he saw his behavior as showing he was very interested in me and very caring he was doing what he called pursuing me. What he neglected was my feeling of not being interested in the same kind of relationship he was seeking. His behavior was disrespectful of my feelings and wants.

Often when we codies want something so bad we neglect red flags, we neglect other peoples feelings because we are so focused on ourselves and our wants.

I would suggest to you to get to understand your own behaviors and how they are brining negative results to your life.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 19, 2008
10:53 am
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DorisDay
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Atalose....

I am getting a masters in Communication and I now have a class which discusses internet relationships, the entaglement and new found problems that can arise..it is all very fascinating.

I am 48, and back in my day, if a guy wasn't interested, he just never called. Now, we have IM, email, cell phones, caller i.d., making disappointments evern grander.

I think besides being codies (yes, I am one, I know!) they sudden cut of communcation, with all venues available, hurts like hell. Not only do we have to detox from ourselves and no communication with the party we are interested in, but also with the silent venues of communication. It compounds an already perplexing problem.

I am codependent, But..and this is a biggy, I don't contact the other person when it is over. I come here, post, kick a wall or two..but never tip my hand that I am in the least bit interested.

And yes...I have a good therapist and CODA meetings. Thank God.

March 19, 2008
11:37 am
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atalose
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I think the age of technology is wonderful and I also have been seeing more and more articles and discussions on internet relationships both the pros and the cons.

My personal option especially for codies is yes it does open up grander disappointments. It brings new avenues for hurt and disappointment and one early recovering codies may not be able to handle.

I agree that sudden cut of communication can hurt like hell but I also never put my emotions into someone that was not fully present in my life. I also have worked in a field where seeing the number of predators on the internet far out weight any benefit of finding true meaningful love. I have seen smart and intelligent but desperate for love woman taken advantage of with their emotions, money, trust and life.

I think you are smart and strong in the way you handle ending. Therapy is a wonderful thing and so are CODA meetings.

I think we are all in the same boat in life as a codie it’s just that some of us have been rowing a lot longer.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 19, 2008
12:00 pm
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DorisDay
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Isn't it incredible how people sit on their keyboards...and create relationships? I met a political group during the 2000 elections, who eventually came to D.C. We had a ball...one of them was even Dick Armey's sister! Imagine..all of us at the Capitol with a private tour from Dick Armey! We had a ball.

There are so many pros and cons to the internet.

I have a lot of guy in me. Yes, I am straight and VERY much a woman. However, I don't like to show a man that I am sad over the loss of him. Instead..I do crazy things like cut my hair, buy convertibles, run marathons...and go to holistic doctors. LOL..and grind flax seed.

Men..gesh.

March 19, 2008
12:00 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Thank Alalose

I do appreciate your comments and you are very right. I really need to work on my own issues of insecurities, abandonment issues and co-dependence.

I did re email him because he did respond to an email I sent him. I though it was only proper to do that.

I will post here whenever I feel the feelings come up and appreciate your support and input no matter how negative or positive it is. This is extremely hard for me and sometimes I am better than others. I know that eventually he will write again..I just have to stay put and let him be.

Yes, I am so sorry I sent those emails.. He has in the past not written for a long time then all of the sudden I would get an email..but that was when I was kind of anonymous to him.

Right now I just want to crawl in bed which I am doing. I am supposed to go to work in an hour and here I am still.

Yes, he is very busy..but he is also very self-centered and rude. I have never had anyone that was so inconsiderate of other people's feelings. It only takes 2 minutes to write and if he wasnt interested, why all the body languague and the kissing on our date if he wasnt going to follow through. Why not take me to my car, shake hands and say good bye. I had one of these dates the week before..no big deal.

I remember a few years ago when we had that date and he forgot to call me to reset it..he asked me to come to his station about 25 miles away. In his owns words, between work, his sons and his skiing...its very hard to go on dates and woman cannot put up with his schedule.

Thanks for letting me share.

 

 

2bHappy

March 19, 2008
12:11 pm
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2BHAPPY
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When I woke up I was thinking of sending him an email and just expressing my thoughts and feelings to him and having closure. I know, I know its wrong..but we all go through things in our minds and my emotions are changing from hour to hour. Of course now I am feeling that I should not and after what Atalose wrote..more than ever. She is right and Ma Strong has been so right on with her advise always. You guys are awesome.

I dont know why I am feeling this strongly..but it is what it is right now. I will pass..

I feel very stupid for feeling like this...I am over romanticing this whole thing and I shouldnt. It was only ONE DATE and the man may not be what I want anyways. I dont know him at all.

Men like these should be IGNORED.

 

 

2bHappy

March 19, 2008
12:56 pm
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2B

I totlly agree with your last statement.

It's just with coDep's we can't seem to ignore!!! We accept the crumbs (mental and physical) until we are soooo far down we cannot see the light. Then it's still hard!!

It's that sel-esteem thing. or the lack of it anyway.

We CAN do it. Eventually. ;0)

Celtic

March 19, 2008
3:36 pm
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atalose
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2BHAPPY you should be feeling happy, you are opening up your mind and discovering other thoughts then in the past.

I am so proud of you that is how we begin to change, in our minds. You woke up and wanted to write him your feelings but instead came here and posted. You are having positive thoughts for yourself and that is wonderful.

Turning off the negative thinking and replacing those thoughts with positive ones. If you are feeling stupid for this whole relationship thing then take control and end it. Take Ma’s advise and block his e-mail instead of sitting around waiting and hoping he’ll respond. YOU end it now and write it off as a positive learning experience and one you will not repeat in the future.

Do more then ignore this man, banish him from your life today for good.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 19, 2008
10:02 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Just had an "aha" moment.

Dont know if I mentioned that he is a "hippie". He drives old beatup VW van and car. He almost dresses like one and his favorite band is Greatful Dead.

Here I am all business..I drive a Mercedes Benz, dress very nicely and I am very conservative and Christian.

What was I thinking???

Of course he thinks I am different?

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
12:48 am
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sdesigns
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2b:

If you were to pick your ideal man, would he be anywhere close to what you're looking for?

Or do you think maybe he was a fixer?

Would you hope that he would change to be more like you?

My last "bf" mostly wore sweatpants, uggs, t shirts, and was....missing two teeth!! OMG. Somehow I overlooked that because he was cute, funny, I loved his voice and intellect, and he was good in bed. But he was incredibly cheap, no steady employment, rarely liked to go out, and his house looked like something the UniBomber would have lived in.

Geez.

SD

March 20, 2008
12:59 am
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2BHAPPY
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I do like a man who dresses well and likes to buy comfortable things like a nice car/truck. This man makes over $150,000 a year and was telling me he puts it all in his retirement. He does have a nice job. I thought he was handsome..but one thing that I didnt like was his voice..but I figure no one is perfect. He always responded with "naah" if he wanted to say no. But now I know that he is rude and very self-centered from his conversations. and he always liked to email me pictures of himself.

I am sure his place looked like a bomb went off. Although he makes a lot of money he is chosing now to live in a trailer like housing. Just very very laid back kind of person.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
1:23 am
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sdesigns
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I am a firm believer of living below your means and saving money. But I also think it can be overdone and not enjoy the fruits of one's labor.

With someone who has the income your guy does and lives the way he does, makes one wonder what they will do when their nest egg is big enough, or if it ever would be big enough.

Thats something I'm a little sensitive about since my parents were miserly, saved a pile of money but lived like paupers and were not generous in even the smallest way. I don't think thats right.

Could you see yourself parking your Mercedes in front of his trailer? Ha!

SD

March 20, 2008
6:51 am
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That is why some people have so much money because they are so cheap and tightwad but dont have much fun because they are too cheap. This is a generalization but truly there are people out there like this. Maybe they did not learn to have a little fun. Stay on No Contact. It works but it is very hard at least at first. It gets easier with time.

March 20, 2008
9:25 am
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DorisDay
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Your "aha" moment is a good one.

My Dr. Ex didn't like pets (I adore dogs!), didn't like sports (I adore sports) and would fart and belch.

I thought 'okay..he is human..with different interests.'

Bottom line: it never would have worked!

March 20, 2008
11:15 am
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2BHAPPY
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More than anything..he is so unconventional that he is rude..thats why he only returns emails when he wants to. Cant be honest in letting people whats going on..even though he works in field that is supposed to be compassionate and understanding..but it is just to feed his ego.

He does spend money but on himself..he loves to ski which is a very expensive sport. So his time is spent between his job which can be long hours, his son and his skiing which he has to drive 4 hours to and from.

But mainly, had we gotten together it would have been a problem because I am kind of materialistic and he is absolutely not. He doesnt see the reason why people buy things and he told me so..then he takes me to my car...a nice black shiny Mercedes.
I travel the world and live in a nice home which he knows the area very well.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
11:15 am
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2BHAPPY
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More than anything..he is so unconventional that he is rude..thats why he only returns emails when he wants to. Cant be honest in letting people whats going on..even though he works in field that is supposed to be compassionate and understanding..but it is just to feed his ego.

He does spend money but on himself..he loves to ski which is a very expensive sport. So his time is spent between his job which can be long hours, his son and his skiing which he has to drive 4 hours to and from.

But mainly, had we gotten together it would have been a problem because I am kind of materialistic and he is absolutely not. He doesnt see the reason why people buy things and he told me so..then he takes me to my car...a nice black shiny Mercedes.
I travel the world and live in a nice home which he knows the area very well.

 

 

2bHappy

March 20, 2008
11:21 am
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2B -

The more you post, the more your realizing this guy is not for you.

My Dr Ex is 58. He is a hippie type, very "kumbaya," and is a psychologist at a hospital (head of his department). He liked nice things..but didn't seek them. I too drive a nice car. His is okay, but he has no urge for something nicer.

He is VERY frugal with his money...I once purchased him an I.D. bracelet from Tiffanys. He had never heard of Tiffanys and didn't like the bracelet. He told me so. I was mortified (the bracelet was VERY simple, understated, and could be worn under your cuff so nobody could see it.) It cost me $750. Sure, he may not have liked it..but he was extremely rude about it and told me to "check with" him prior to making any more purchases for him. I was crushed.

So..you see...putting distance between you and this guy will really give you a clear vision. It just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes men feel intimated by women with money and niceties. That is fine. Again, it just means you two are too different to be together.

Does that make sense?

March 20, 2008
11:34 am
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2BHAPPY
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Yes Doris...I could understand...but why not just tell me and put closure.

I know he is not for me...but my heart wants closure over this. I keep thinking maybe sending him an email in a month and just asking him why if everything was so good and we shared so much over email and then things were great during our meeting..why disappear.

I just feel so lonely now. I should be out there looking..but instead I come home and drink at night just so that I forget. And to make matters worse..I lost my young fireman too. We used to chat everyday until he showed up at my door. I have reported him to the fire dept. but then wont admit he is one of theirs and are giving me the run around..but I am sure they have talked to him..just dont want to open the door for a lawsuit.

When does this stop? I need to be free again, and happy and able to concentrate on my work.

 

 

2bHappy

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