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NO CONTACT CLUB -- Revelations
August 6, 2006
2:48 am
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hopeless
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haha.. Actually i'm pretty close to 17 : / I was wondering if it would violate the rules to make a myspace for the no contact club and those that WANT to accept can? Mhh.. i dont know if it is or not.. i was thinking of making one for us.

August 6, 2006
2:51 am
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hopeless
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mmh.. you think i should? I mean its not as if we have to become friends there or say who we are... it would just be a fun way to communicate? Myspace is taking over the world after all!

August 6, 2006
2:52 am
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lovinglife
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yeah I think it is- we can't share personal info with each other- which I guess is a good thing keeps us all protected.

August 6, 2006
2:57 am
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lovinglife
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lets move this over to another thread- so we don't clog this one up with chit chat..."Oops, chit chat alert...!" A truthb saying. What thread?

August 6, 2006
2:57 am
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hopeless
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mmh.. should or shouldnt...i think i will just for the heck of it : / as long as no one shares personal info there we should be alright. (besides.. something to do to keep ones mind off things) I play several instruments.. but my favorite is the violin, i've been playing since i was 4.

August 6, 2006
3:03 am
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lovinglife
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I'd email the S/C and ask before giving the info out in here- think she's pretty big on that. Can see why because I'm sure that there are people who read the threads but don't post and also possibly like a liablity thing????

It's just a bummer because ya get to know people and it would be kind of fun like you said to post to others outside of here- but then again the whole idea is to keep us all safe.

The violin huh? That's such pretty music : )

August 6, 2006
3:05 am
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hopeless
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i made a new thread so we dont clog up NC

August 6, 2006
3:05 am
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hopeless
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i made a new thread so we dont clog up NC

August 6, 2006
7:16 am
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Borboleta
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Hei, everybody

Yesterday i went to the center of my city, to the museum. There is a pretty good exposition about Picasso . I remained in the park of the museum for a while, trying to read a book and when i was coming back to home i bought sushi (i don´t buy sushi often and i love it).

I was trying to be ok even when thoughts about S (my ex-n) were coming back again and again. Well, this is my story. Three months ago i met a man, i didn´t feel a lot of atraction, but he did. I called him only because i thought it could be a good way to go out(at the moment i don´t have a lot of friends). Little by little, i got that i couldn´t like his manners, his way of life, his stupidity but i liked his calm personality and how hard he tried to be a boyfriend for me. He waited more than a month to kiss me...(i thought: ok, it´s time to allow myself to love and be loved). We called every two days more or less.

Next week he was asking me to go on holydays with him, and then he dissapeared. I called him last week and he said that he didn´t know if he could go out with me. Six hours later he send me a message to say: Today i can´t. We´ll see other day.

Since that moment i haven´t received any message or any calling from him, and i myself haven´t called him.

Sometimes i feel that i´m a histerical and he is a good man and sometimes i feel that i should call him and say what i think about his tiny penis, his stupid family, his boring hability to speak about his boring job, his lack of courage to tell me "i don´t like you anymore" (do you think it´s so difficult?)...

Well, that is my story, thanks for giving me the possibility to let out.

B

August 6, 2006
7:47 am
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taj64
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For me, the no contact is much easier. The hard part is having to think way too much about him. He needs to leave! He is not in my life anymore, he has not been for long time so why he is still in my thoughts all the time? Why do I still feel angry? It is not overwelming but still lingers. Time is the best answer.

August 6, 2006
8:34 am
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1lost1
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Morning all! Taj, I have the same problem. I have asked how to stop the thoughts. Everyone so far has said time.

I am on day 29 without contact and I think and dream of him still. I feel foolish sometimes for thinking of him and wondering what he is doing. I kind only guess he never thinks of me. That makes it easier for me at times.

When I put into my head that he has hurt me at the expense of the new g/f and never thought of my pain. I then have an easier time resisting the urge to make contact.

August 6, 2006
10:21 am
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StronginHim77
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1Lost1 and taj...

I am on Day #47 and I STILL find my thoughts going to the "ex" so much of the time. I dream about him. Think about him when I wake up and at random moments throughout the day. Sometimes, it is very painful; sometimes, it's not too bad. The anguish level rises and falls. I have good days and bad days.
I have tossed (or returned) everything that reminded me of him. Greeting cards, photos...everything. And still he is in my thoughts. When I see a car like his, I jump inside.

But...I can compare this to the grieving I experienced when my late husband died, three years ago. Same process. I remember it vividly. For months, I would think of him when my eyes opened in the morning...throughout the day...then, again at night. I had so many dreams about him. Sometimes, I was overcome with sadness and I wept. I became very depressed. Sort of curled up into a ball and couldn't do anything. I indulged in alot of "escapist" efforts: going out drinking alot; taking valium; watching mindless movies, until I could fall asleep every night; shopping like a clothes-aholic. I did it all. So many emotions tugged at me during those early months of recovery: depression, sadness, guilt, anger.

And then I began to heal. The emotional numbness began to lift. I could laugh again. I could have sad feelings or memories, without being overwhelmed. He was no longer my first thought in the morning or my last, at night. Yes...I still think about him from time to time, but it rarely hurts. Sometimes, a brief pang, but it passes.

You are grieving, my friends. We ALL are grieving. And it is a process. Reminds me of the ocean. During the early days and weeks, following our loss of the one we loved, the waves of anguish POUND on the beach, relentlessly. But -- with time -- the waves grow gentler. The tide goes out. Yes, the waves will occasionally return, but each time, they are softer, smaller, easier.

We will all recover. We WILL return to a place of peace and happiness, again. It will never be the same, but it will be good. We will be OKAY and ready to welcome new relationships into our lives.

Be patient and kind to yourselves. And maintain No Contact. That helps the healing continue.

Love,

Strong

August 6, 2006
10:37 am
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hopeless
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i woke up near tears today : / not sure why. the man i've been seeing is coming to meet my parents today. wish me luck.

August 6, 2006
12:59 pm
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lovinglife
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That was beautiful Strong, as always.

Hope- I hope : ) your day goes well. Remember relaxed is what we want.

Borboleta~ Did it feel in any way good to let it out?! Let'er pour gf- it doesn't do us a bit of good holding the crude in- I think that the more we let it out- talk about what we feel (even done to small penis's- another saying to add to the list!) it helps us to be able to move on, to be able to see the reality, and it sure keeps us busy when we're obessing about them!

Taj~Perhaps now you are on the right road for that healing to come- Strong has been an excellent led for us all- hang with her for awhile -she's got it going on! And oh, in re-reading your post something hit me..."Time is the best answer"...just want to add to that that yes *time* is the answer but more importantly is what we do with that time. I set a goal not to date for 5 yrs- figuring 'time' would do something good for me. The problem was is that I didn't really do anything during that 'time' of much benefit to get me wiser as I fell right back into why I set the goal in the first place with the first men I choose to date!

1Lost1~ Wow you are just moving along- awesome. I too feel better-at least feel stronger-"When I put into my head..." thoughts about him in truth not thoughts of fanasty.

August 6, 2006
1:47 pm
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1Lost1 -

It sure is awesome to see you nearly at the ONE MONTH mark! I am really glad for you. Thirty days of freedom from abuse, oppression and heartbreak.

August 6, 2006
2:01 pm
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lovinglife
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thought I'd pass this on....

Labels limit us

"When I let go of what I am,
I become what I might be."
-- Lao Tzu

How do you define yourself, to yourself and others? Are you first and foremost a husband/wife? A mother/father? A bus driver, dentist, musician ... ? A Christian, Moslem, Jew ...? A nag, joker, dreamer ...?

Be aware that any label puts limits on you. Today, experience how it feels to let go of the labels to rest in ‘I am.’ Feel the freedom, the spaciousness, the infinite potential of simply being.

"With every breath, the possibility of a new aspect of self arises."
-- Wayne Muller

"As long as I am this or that, I am not all things."
-- Meister Eckhart

August 6, 2006
2:49 pm
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Strong,

Yes, we are all grieving. You lost your ex-husband only three years ago? So, of course, pieces of that grieving must be intermingled with this loss. It is a loss, even if we chose to say goodbye, even if how that other person was towards us was absolutely awful. We had hopes and dreams about our relationship to them and those are gone too.

I am almost at the one-month mark of No Contact. I have had many diversions this month as well, taking me out of my regular environment. That really helped, and I also have had intense moments of sadness and tears. I think any loss reminds us of other losses. I don't even think the point of grief is to "get over" someone. Those someones will always be in our memories because they were in our life at one time. But, I think, if we allow ourselves to feel, we do get over a lot of the pain, we learn what we need to learn, and we make new beginnings and make decisions to not fall into the same types of situations we did before. There must be a lesson in everything.

For anyone here having No Contact. Hang in there, It is absolutely worth it. Yes, there will be sad days. Hopeless, you seem to have started your day that way. Hang in there. It gets better.

August 6, 2006
7:24 pm
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lovinglife
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think the thread needs a bump here for Vic of Love. Posted on the other thread.

August 6, 2006
8:36 pm
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well, my outta town hunny is alive. he emailed me saying sorry he wasn't able to be in touch, dear. He didn't explain. How's that? I have no clue where he has been or why for like 10 days. Now what do you all think?

August 6, 2006
8:49 pm
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hopeless...

Where the heck is our peanut? Haven't heard from her all afternoon/evening and Ma Strong is getting worried about our girl.

Post, will ya? We are WORRIED.

August 6, 2006
9:22 pm
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lovinglife
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Ma~ Hope is with new guy today- he's meeting the mom & dad. I know, I know, I worry about her too!

P&L: I think that TruthB really had some great advice back early and just a reminder something to think about....

"Maybe you're just stressing because you think you might lose him somehow... in my experience, these kinds of clean friendship/attractions can last and last, even through years of other relationships. Eventually one of you might even be able to move, things don't always stay the same."

I'll be back with my opinion about the email in a bit (family is awaiting dinner!) Also have some thoughts about your other sitz that I'll post on your thread.

LL

August 6, 2006
10:15 pm
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lovinglife,

I missed your cheery welcome until now. Thank you. It's always nice to be welcomed so warmly.

Seeker

August 6, 2006
11:26 pm
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Thanks, LL! I am thinking I am waiting for a truly outstanding man to emerge, one who believes in accountability (just as much after you get into a physical relationship as before), loyalty, and devotion...and one cannot be afraid of trying, especially when we have known each other for years and always have been accountable to each other. There is something he is not telling me, and why do I have to back off and let him do whatever now. Something has changed and I don't know what. If it were the other way around, I would tell him, and we always have...

Thanks LL, sorry if I was harsh last night. I have been so struggling about my other situation. It is really scary, and I know you have tried to support me. Thank you so much.

August 6, 2006
11:27 pm
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oops, I think it was hopeless I was not supportive enough to...sorry LL. Thanks anyway. You have been really nice to me. 🙂

August 7, 2006
12:04 am
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lovinglife
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Oops- correction I called Seeker - Seek- I'll remember that now.

P&L: Now just my opinion here- first we must remember that we don't think like men- we women tend to rattle everything off- (at least I do anyways), but I'm thinking that he didn't give out any more info then he felt he wanted to as he is hurt about you pulling away and now needs to protect his emotions (I’m learning that guys have those too-emotions- and until recently thought it was just us with feelings!)

OR- and this is more than likely WAY OFF BASE from what you’ve wrote about the relationship…. perhaps he wants you to now be the one to chase him. The *chasing* him thing is what most of us have done in here-and have experienced- this is really talking more about a toxic relationship when a person *discards* or *ignores* us we will do just about anything to get their attention back.

Either way- don’t relationships just stink?! From the sounds of yours, its sounds a little bit healthier than anything I’ve ever experienced- I think that he is just protecting his heart. I don’t know. But I’d asked myself that if he is something that you’re really want to pursue now- then start the communication. However if he is not, then you just might have to let the pieces fall where they may and let him move on.

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