Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
NO CONTACT CLUB -- Revelations
August 4, 2006
4:42 am
Avatar
truthblister
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey all.. couldn't see a new NCC thread, so I'm starting one myself.

I have themed this thread "Revelations", because I just read my name written up as being a woman's name, and I'm not a woman. I'm a 27 year old guy, sorry if anyone was confused but guys get engaged too now, don't you know 🙂

What's your NCC revelation?

Day #5 (Take #2) for me...

(and yay, successfully avoided clearing all my text with that Start from scratch button, please petition the administrators to get rid of it!)

August 4, 2006
7:16 am
Avatar
Borboleta
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, Truthblister

i´m on Day 24 of so-called Jerk1.

i´m on Day 5 of a person who i was going out with (and i could watch a lot of Red flags in our relationship.

Thanks for opening this new thread. It was getting difficult to read the old one.

Support and congratulations because of your Day 5.

B

August 4, 2006
7:20 am
Avatar
truthblister
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks!

It is getting easier.

August 4, 2006
7:29 am
Avatar
hopeless
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

haha.. truthblister i could have sworn you were a woman : / i'm sorry. Just dont see many men here.

August 4, 2006
7:36 am
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

truthblister,

My apologies for referring to you as a "she" in another thread 😮

Good luck and stay strong

Lolli

August 4, 2006
7:46 am
Avatar
allwaysconfused
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

today is day two for me....it's going to be a tough day.

August 4, 2006
9:48 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

allways -

Since you telephoned D this mornining, have you decided to start over? I hope you do. No Contact is part of your Answer.

I am on Day #45 of No Contact. Entering what I hope is the Acceptance Stage. Have lonely moments because I don't want to go out and find a "replacement." Have pretty much shifted into a lifestyle where I am home alone most evenings. I spend alot of time reading books on codependency, toxic relationships, personality disorders, verbal/emotional abusers, etc. In short, I am trying to use this phase of my life for REAL recovery because I don't want to see my old "patterns" of pairing up with unhealthy partneres continue. I want to break the cycle and I can only achieve that by changing MYSELF.

Oh...I have a question for you all. I am in the process of packing up my house to sell it. While packing, I came across a DVD which has great sentimental value for my ex. It was sent to him by his grandson and has a personal message written on it. I know it means alot to him. He accidentally left it here. Although I have already mailed the family photos he left here back up to one of his daughters to convey to him, I am not sure what to do with this movie. If I mail it to the daughter, I am concerned that his grandchild will think he didn't value it much and that's why it wound up at my house. The reality is that he treasured it and left it here by accident. Can I mail it directly back to him without a note? Or would that be a violation of No Contact?

I don't want to blow it, after 45 days. But I also don't want to see a misu

August 4, 2006
9:49 am
Avatar
allwaysconfused
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i will try to start over.....he's already called me 4 times this morning at work...but i have not given him my cell number again yet.

August 4, 2006
9:50 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

rats...hit "send" too soon

But I also don't want to see a misunderstanding between him and his grandson. That would hurt him alot. He has not asked for the return of any of his other stuff here at my place (DVD's, crock pot....small items of no particular value), only the return of the engagement ring which I refused to do. (Long story on the ring; won't go into it, unless someone would like the details).

So, what's everyone's advice on how to return this personally inscribed DVD?

Thanks,

Strong

August 4, 2006
9:53 am
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Truthblister~ Love the new title name and thanks for starting this off on such a positive note.

And I'm with Hope- I just assumed... : ). When Gracie came on board (her ex-n is a female teacher) we had to start working on referring to the ex-n not in a male gender way or not in a romantic way, and now with a man on board and his ex-n being a male- we need to start working on referring to all of ourselves in a none gender way….this is not just about women, not just about women in relationships with abusive males- but about PEOPLE involved with PEOPLE who are not healthy. WOW- what a concept huh?!

It’s nice to have a man in here- and I have just loved your often witty & intelligent posts- men do just have that way of balancing things out- in which I've already seen in a few of your posts. So I guess my revelation for the day is that men can be a good thing- there are some men out there with hearts-and just keep keeping on toward my dreams for a good healthy 'partner'.

LL

August 4, 2006
9:59 am
Avatar
hopeless
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I missed him last night .. for the first time in a while i was in tears thinking about him.

August 4, 2006
10:00 am
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Strong~ Can you mail the DVD to the grandson and daughter? I think that if you included a beautiful message with it- that they wouldn't be offended, no one would be hurt.

I'm just not so sure how 'healthy' it would be for you to send it directly to him- if you're questioning it I think there is a reason why.

You need to take care of Strong- and do what is best for you.

August 4, 2006
10:01 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im still trying no contact. It has been two weeks. I still have everyday thoughts of him and it has been a very long time since I have come face to face. I don't want to see him or be around him. My contact was my fault. He did not respond and that was really expected. In fact, Im glad. I asked him if he would take another route home on his way home. I know it was wrong to contact and it was contact no matter how you put it, I at least let him know that he is the one that stays in contact by putting himself near my home, on that road. He has to pass my house. I hope he at least read the email to honor that request. I did not leave anything in the email to suggest otherwise. It will be my last contact. However I wish the thoughts of him would go away. Time will take care of that. Also it is very helpful if the ex person knows that you do not want contact and does his/her part in it. That is, if that is what is needed in the particular relationship. Not all have to be this way but in my case it is a must! No contact won't work if the other person doesn't know what you are trying to do, and won't help at all if the person ignores it, then they are not respecting you.

August 4, 2006
10:04 am
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

and Strong- isn't it just a bit interesting- the title of this thread- and you didn't even choose the name!!! I love it : )

August 4, 2006
10:12 am
Avatar
feelingfree
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LL~ need to take some time later to read all the posts thru..but wanted to respond to what you said..

No worries- I wasn't serious.. sometimes my head goes to the funniest places.. when I think of contacting him.. I think "what would I say? And then I just try and come up with witty blurbs that would freak him out. I would NEVER actually do it, not this far into NC. And OMG- I did not even THINK about actually HAVING se% with him until you asked.. and here's my answer to that.. EWWWWW!!!! LOL! That man would never be able to lay a finger on me, let alone anything ELSE! 🙂

So- you're regrouping.. that's great. We all need that from time to time. Just don't stay gone for long, because I will MISS YOU gf!

Luv,
FF

August 4, 2006
10:25 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I like the name of the thread too. thanks Strong.

Im doing better since my eamil note. This time around, I felt that it would be the last time, that all was said, that I am going on and feels more like I am moving forward. In the past, it always just felt like I know it is over but still felt stuck. Slowly but surely. I may not need to stay her for long, and that is good thing. Im not depressed over him anymore.

August 4, 2006
10:52 am
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh Free I knew what you meant- again we really need to start a list of sayings that run through our head, things that come out of our mouths, across a TM, IM. TruthBlister had a hilarious a few days back.

Instead of reading one of those lists about all the mean awful things that can be said by a n- how about a list of all the things that come out of those healing from the ex-n- cause some the sayings are pretty hilarious!!!

August 4, 2006
11:05 am
Avatar
1lost1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The start of day 27 for me. I thought I would never get this far.

August 4, 2006
11:08 am
Avatar
feelingfree
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LL~ u are 2 funny!

What did Truthblister say, do you remember?

Did you read the latest post from Allways in her thread- I'm bummed.. she just isn't ready yet.. I wish her the best- but am afraid she's in for alot of pain with this guy..

Hopefully one day she will be back on the NC thread.

OK gf, you have avoided my question long enough- how are YOU doing in the area of NC lately?

August 4, 2006
11:09 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WOW 27 days, is almost a month. Way to go. It gets easier at least for some, at least a few months. I know if I had tried a lot harder in the beginning it would have been easier but I did keep contact. I did make it hard on myself.

Congratulations!

August 4, 2006
11:39 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

taj...

Can't take credit for this thread's wonderful subtitle: Revelation. Truthblister came up with it! And I think it is just PERFECT.

OK, guys. Did any of you (besides Lovinglife) see my question about the doggone DVD from his grandson that my "ex" accidentally left at my house? I want to return it without causing any misunderstanding between him and his family. Don't want them to think, just because he left it here, that he didn't value it highly. (It is inscribed on the cover with a personal note from his grandson). I can return it two ways: mailing it directly to him without any note...or...mailing it up North to his daughter and grandson with some sort of explanatory note. I am not sure what to do. On Day #45 of No Contact now.

Hopeless...

I am so sorry you had a rough time yesterday. The grieving does come and go. Sometimes, a specific incident will trigger it; sometimes, it just seems to drop on me like a dark cloud. But it always LIFTS. That is what matters. Ride out the grief. Post here, so we can do our best to comfort you. We really do understand. We have all been there. (I was totally down in the dumps and grieving just this past Tuesday...and that was Day #42!). It takes time. I can also tell you that the terrible pain has eased up. It doesn't hit as intensely and it doesn't last as long. It DOES get better, a day at a time.

Love,

Strong

August 4, 2006
11:42 am
Avatar
hopeless
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you strong. I dont think mailing it to him would be breaking no contact. As long as there is no note and you avoid any attempt he might make i would say that its the best thing... lest he come looking for it.

August 4, 2006
11:47 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Regarding Allways...

She is not ready for No Contact yet. All that we can do is sit back and wait for her to bottom out. She has to WANT to recover. We (codependents!!) can't do it for her. All we can do is hope, pray and suggest. The rest is up to her. I have suggested to her that she seek out professional therapy to discover what drives her, what is causing her destructive choices. Many of us have had to do the same. I had NO idea I had something seriously wrong with myself, until I finally persuaded my "ex" to get into therapy. I entered therapy, as well, to appease him. Needless to say, the therapist helped me to understand (within just a few weeks) and I had a bigger problem than the mentally ill ex. I am codependent and have been seeking out destructive relationships with men who treated me abusively ALL MY LIFE. It was one heck of a shock. And then he worked with me, to help me understand what had made me this way. With understanding, the painful work of recovery can begin. And I did not initiate No Contact with my destructive, abusive ex, until he (mercifully) raged at me and dumped me, ONE LAST TIME 6 weeks ago. Finally, I stepped back and said "enough," instead of begging him to return (as I had always done in the past).

I am sure that many, many people around me during that long stretch of time (we are talking MONTHS AND MONTHS here with the abusive ex) got totally exasperated with me. I know that both of my sons were pretty frustrated by my panic-driven refusal to leave my tormenter. But I did finally get to where I am now: Day #45 of NC. Which proves that even the most fargone of us can heal.

- Strong

August 4, 2006
12:07 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree with you Strong on your thoughts about ALLWAYS. We forget to that part. We all heal in our own pace, even if it frustrating to everyone around us.

About the DVD. I agree too that just sending it in the mail with no note is really harmless. Plus it saves from him contacting you to get that DVD and then not having to react to that sudden call or email. Perhaps you can send the box with a number of things in it that belonged to him that way you are showing that you are a fair person (not that this really matters), and that also closes the door to other opportunities for him to contact you, but then again he could contact you to thank you and that too would open up the door. Either way, I bet anything you are prepared and know what to do. Of course you want to keep momentos (maybe) for yourself. SOme people toss them away. I tossed away the sentimental stuff. I regret a little but at the time, I have to realize that it was not a good relationship, didn't start off right to begin with and did not end that way. It is simply a reminder of one small moment of when he thought of me. He gave me a glass kitty cat for xmas and I threw it away.

August 4, 2006
12:17 pm
Avatar
truthblister
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Strong,

I think of you locked up in your room amongst a pile of scary books, and hope that it won't be long before you get back out into the light.

Your fear of finding a replacement is understandable... why substitute one toxic relationship for another? BUT, I just *know* that healthy new friendships are waiting right outside your door.

Let Him guide you! We'll be here no matter what happens.

tb

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information