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NO CONTACT CLUB Resurrected - new thread
April 3, 2006
10:31 am
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whidbey
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Caliseth,

Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. I still have a few ups and downs, but very few downs anymore. It truly does get better with time, AND some proactive behavior that one can do for one's self.

Lotus, I'm SO proud of you, and I'm proud of all of you who are loving yourselves enough to stay away from those who cause so much pain in your lives. It's all about self-respect and loving yourself enough to not put yourself in a painful situation. We deserve nothing but the BEST in life!

April 3, 2006
9:23 pm
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1lost1
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I have made it through day one....Again!

One day at a time, right?

1L1

April 3, 2006
11:43 pm
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LotusTampa
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1L1,

One day at a time is right on! Just keep that going and before you know it you'll stop counting!

Lotus

April 4, 2006
4:36 am
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blyxx
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I keep telling myself "No Contact" No Contact No Contact... It lasts maybe a day, then I feel the urge to talk to them. Get hurt. Do it all again the next day. If I do manage to keep up with the No Contact, they will contact me... I can never get away.

April 4, 2006
7:19 am
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1lost1
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Lotus, I appreciate your encouragement. I hope to forget the count oneday.

I am starting day two.

blyxx...I have stated over again and again. It is very difficult. I want to make contact with him, I remember the the things I loved about him and take the plunge.

It then goes bad because he claims I am all drama. At that point it(as someone else told me) jerks me back into reality.

All I can say is find things to do, call other people. It has helped me on some occassions. Good luck!

Have a great day!

April 4, 2006
10:22 am
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LotusTampa
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1L1,

I feel for you sweetheart.

Do you feel like this cycle is nothing but insanity?

Why do you want to contact him so badly?

You ARE worthy of being loved...maybe not by him, but definitely by someone.

It is VERY hard to accept the fact that someone we love so much cannot or will not love us back...but, it is what it is.

I will send you strength today that you will find something else to do today other than contact him.

Let me know if you need to talk more...I'm here for you.

Lotus

April 4, 2006
10:48 am
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revelation
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Hi All!

Well I;ve lost count too...but its over a month! Feel stronger every day.

I'm better off without him! Simple as that really!

April 4, 2006
4:44 pm
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LotusTampa
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Day 21! I cant' believe it's been 3 weeks and I didn't die!! I'm pattin' myself on the back. =)

April 4, 2006
5:49 pm
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caliseth
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way to go girls! for me here, day 18. this is not a race, of course, but everytime i see how i have been holding on and beguning my recovery, doing things to help myself, THINK OF ME, i have to agree with LOTUS here, it is so encouraging!

KEEP THE GOOD WORK, WE DESERVE MUCH MORE, WE CAN DO IT!

April 4, 2006
6:02 pm
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caliseth
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BLIXX AND 1L1:
My friends, you can do it, i am sure, don't be afraid of suffering, because after that period of time, you will feel completely free. it hurts, but don't you feel more hurt by this man's attitude towards you? all of the ladies here have passed the pain, including me (i still hurt sometime)but we all have survived, and much more than that, have hope that this is getting easier every day.
the most wonderful thing is that you have already react to the fact that you are with a man that does not treat you right, and that you are not the ones that can be blame for this. it takes time to see this clearly, now take the next step, in your case, 1l1, i believe it is hard, when you have to see him due to your work. but i am happy to know that you don't allow him to know how he is making you feel. DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR ENERGY AWAY FROM YOU, YOU ARE WORTH TO BE TREATED WITH CARE, RESPECT AND LOVE.

day one, great! let's keep it going, ladies!!!!

April 4, 2006
11:29 pm
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toward_freedom
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Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and am just ending day 11 of no contact . . . with a guy I had an affair with, broke up my marriage over, and he didn't break up his marriage as he had said he would. (Duh!!)

I have been getting bits and pieces of "no contact" advice from my therapist . . . it started off being only talking twice a week . . . then setting the kitchen timer when he called . . .finally only talking once a week. 11 days ago he called twice in one day and I said - no more contact. He agreed that I should just forget about him. I haven't heard from him since.

The weeks before my commitment to "no contact" I went through the hardest feelings - as some of you have mentioned, crying all the time . . . feeling totally crazy.

I'm struggling with a one-year anniversary of our meeting each other which is coming up in a few days and I need to BE STRONG and not call him.

Anyway, thanks to all of you for being here and listening. I stumbled on this board by accident and I think it's really going to help me.

Peace,
toward_freedom

April 4, 2006
11:47 pm
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1lost1
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Lotus, Caliseth...Good evening. I was strong today. I placed my anger toward him and not at myself. I have a hard time getting past the verbal abuse.

He would tell me nice things about me then when he became upset about it he would take all the things he said back. Like he said he loved me then after an arguement he said he didn't love me and he never did. He never told me again that he loved me.

I know the encouragement that you two gave me helped me out today. Thank you!

toward...Keep going, it sounds like you are doing very good. It is hard when anniversaries come up. Be strong, go out with a friend or family member.

Good night my friends

April 5, 2006
2:43 am
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startingover
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Hi everyone

Guess I'm at about 14 days no contact. We've been broken up since mid January, so went from everyday contact to very little. Now I have changed my phone number, shut off his phone (I paid the bill, of course), and now only have to ignore e-mails, which has only been one, so far.

Sixty days is my short-term goal. I really don't care if I ever speak to him again. He was most unkind, lying, and deceitful, and showed me how unimportant I had been with these actions. He doesn't deserve to be in my life.

Problem is - we live nearby -as in right down the street. So I'll run into him one day, when I least expect it, and it will proably be when I've tucked my nightgown into my pants, thrown a sweater over that, and run out for milk or cigs. Oh, well. He'll be sorry then...your loss, big boy...

April 5, 2006
5:37 am
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snowlover
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Okay.....I guess its time for me to rejoin this thread. Its almost like Ive been afraid to do that again. if I really do no contact, then im admitting Im finally done with him. Of course thats what I need to do, and deep down its what I WANT to do, I just dont know HOW to do it I suppose, since Ive never been able to do it before.

Its the self esteem issue thats hardest for me. Convincing myself that i truly do deserve better, and he doesnt deserve me. Im trying though, and hopefully this thread will help keep me strong.

So...this is Day 1 for me I guess.

Snow

April 5, 2006
5:37 am
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revelation
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Anither day another dollar...its a great feeling you get when you KNOW you WON'T contact them ever again...I mean you just KNOW it...and its great, I was on the very first no contact club thread and I was the one repeatedly recontacting, and listening to others here telling me how great it is to feel free of these horrible men...and I never thought I'd get here, but now I have and I so so want to help all the others here who are where I was a few months ago. What I would say is, stop beating yourself up when you contact again...because, believe me, you are doing enough damage to yourself by contacting in the first place. See "contact" as another word for "self-punishment" because, thats what you are doing...absolutely horrificly punishing yourself. Because, you ain't gonna get the answers and responses you want no matter how you play it...I swear...contacting my ex just eats away at my soul...I just won't put myself through that anymore...and I don't want you to do it to yourselves either.

I'm now at I think just under two months...before that there was a very toxic incident of contact where he pulled me back in completely in order to get out of going to court...only to push me away again soon as I mentioned I might drop the case!!!! I'm not going ahead with my court case, because I'm not afraid of the big sad loser any more and I don't want to have to see his ugly face in court!!!

I swear girls, if you stay away from these guys for a few weeks and then see them again, you'll notice that they are not as handsome as you once thought they were!!! My ex is repulsive to me looks-wise now, whereas I used to think he was soooo gorgeous!!! I realise now, it was because he was with me, who was teaching him about goodness and truth and being real that his good-looks started to come out...now he's alone and bitter and sneaky again...so the twisted ugliness is written all over his face YUCK!!!!!

April 5, 2006
8:06 am
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1lost1
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Rev..I have looked at my ex lately and he isn't as handsome as he was. A lot of it is because he gained a lot of weight but his face is "older."

I mean all the meanness he showed me now shows up in his face. I wish I could avoid him all together but working in the same place is the problem.

I still smile keep my head up and walk proud. "Never let them see you sweat!"

1L1

April 5, 2006
5:20 pm
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LotusTampa
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Day 22!

Great posts everyone! Keep up the no contact...it's a life saver!

=)

April 5, 2006
9:39 pm
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toward_freedom
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Day 12 for me . . . my first post was yesterday.
Today was hard because I started to grasp the idea that this guy may not EVER be right for me . . . before today, I was partly doing "no contact" for my own sanity but partly doing it in the hopes that after a few weeks he'd call and say . . . well, basically say he had changed! Now that sounds ridiculous even to me, once I see it in print. But that's what I was thinking.
I read Revelation's post about how they look ugly when you haven't seen them in a few weeks. I took out some photos of my ex. They show a fat guy wearing a rumpled suit. What was I thinking?
But you know, if he called me tomorrow and said he was ready for a "real relationship" I'd probably still jump right in.
I guess that's where turning things over to a Higher Power helps. And you amazing folks on this board. Keep up the good living everyone!

April 5, 2006
9:44 pm
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startingover
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Hey all

What inspirational posts! Thanks so much. You, and my ever-developing inner strength, are what keeps me going.

SO (Day 15)

April 6, 2006
5:43 am
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revelation
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Another day rolls over...its lovely spring day in Dublin. Feeling good, looking forward to the weekend...have lost a few lb's and am looking forward to losing more next week...with each lb I shed more of my dependency on the "loser" really when I think of him that word just reverberates through my mind "loser, loser, loser" thats what he is...why didn I see it before???

Keep strong my lovelies!
Rev.

April 6, 2006
8:28 am
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1lost1
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rev..I am making plans to go back to Ireland in October. Most likely fly into Shannon this time. I am partial to Galway.

I do love Dublin though. Crossing the streets is funny, I always looked the wrong way...DORK! Driving was even funnier. Drove from Galway to Dublin along the coast. The round-abouts were hilarious. I went in circles lots!

Drove through Limerick (stab city) at night. Did not bother to stop. There was some sort of family fued going on at the time. People were being kidnapped and killed during the day. I still loved the drama.

Anyway, I am babbling about better times. Thanks for listening.

1L1

April 6, 2006
12:58 pm
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LotusTampa
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I will celebrate one month on Tuesday.

April 6, 2006
1:06 pm
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revelation
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Lost, ah dublin is cool enough alright...but its just so expensive these days!!! So you'll be here in october, and I'll be in N.Y.C. in December!!! Can't wait!!! Gonna shop till I drop!!!

April 6, 2006
10:14 pm
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caliseth
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day 20. no contact.

hi girls! to the ones that have gone much further than me, i want you to know that i admire your strenght, and good will. i want to know much more about how you have done until now, you are inspiring....

for those that are starting, or going to this for the"x" number of times, let yourself be strong, you deserve to be loved and cared for, not only to take the ashes of someone.... you can do it, you are as strong as all the ones here holding on. believe in yourselves.

"persistence is wise, obstructed mind is foolish" if this guy don't make you happy, and you have tried so many times to make it work, and it has not, well, why don't you just focus on yourselves?. you are beautiful, honest, caring, hard working....imagine that all of this effort that you have put on him, you can put in other areas of life (work, friends, studies, goals) wouldn't it be so much you have accomplished? DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

LOVE YOU ALL

April 6, 2006
10:36 pm
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1lost1
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I have had contact but only because we had to exchange our daughter. We smiled, laughed and we said goodbye. Peace for the meantime. Thank God!

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