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No Contact Caused Major Fury!
November 2, 2006
12:44 pm
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sallyme
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We had a wonderful relationship that ended over some silly circumstances that are no longer relevant. We would be back together but he found himself in another relationship for security. He's afraid to end it as now there are financial considerations and he feels totally trapped. He is also afraid to take a risk on me as I can't give any gaurantee it would work as we were only together a short time. It feels like both of us are in love with each other but again circumstance won't let us be together. I only have two questions: why when I told him I couldn't be friends anymore, could he not accept it? Why would the "no contact thing" make someone sooo angry? I expected he'd be sad but I really thought he'd understand and accept it.

November 2, 2006
12:58 pm
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taj64
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If he really did feel trapped, then he could easily cut loose. I would totally get out of this NOW. It is not really love but grass is greener on the other side syndrome. Please let go of this, look the other way and find a man who is available to you. If it was so wonderful, why did it end. It ended for reasons that probably needed to end. This guy, wants his cake and eat it too and completely selfish reasons. It would be very wise not to believe him. Don't believe little snippets of hope with this man because on one hand he would like you around. The other he has no intention of letting go of what he has. He is where he is because he wants to be there. He is telling you he cannot be with you no matter what his reasons are so in your heart of heart, believe it. I cannot because of this....that....blah blah blah. If he is saying I will do this that, make actions steps to be with you, gives evidance of movement then maybe just maybe there is a slim chance if you are willing to settle for a very slim chance. Don't delude yourself into thinking that you are more important to him this his relationship that he is in now. If you are then he would simply leave. You can do better than this. You are more worthy of this than to settle for this.

November 2, 2006
1:14 pm
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sallyme
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I am really grateful for your reply but you see the guy is crazy about me. I am slow to commit (which I believe is healthy) but that scares him. He will be risking losing both of us by leaving her and it is a risk. I has admitted he got into this relationship for security. He'd been hurt and I was the one who finished our relationship. I was not ready but now I am. I am reluctant to state this clearly (although he kind of sees it) because I cannot gaurantee we will work - who can?

November 2, 2006
1:47 pm
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gracenotes
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sally,

There are never any guarantees in any relationship that they will work out. That is reality. Someone coould change their mind, leave, die, whatever at any time. If he is not willing to take a chance, then...why?

I have been in situations in my life where I felt I was trapped, but I really was not. It sounds like he is choosing to be so-called trapped because he enjoys the financial perks, convenience, and material comforts of this relationship. That seems to be his value system. People will make this choice, and will be okay with these choices.

Being slow to commit is a healthy way to approaoch a relationsip. Why would something healthy like this scare him??? Sounds like a red flag to me.

November 2, 2006
3:10 pm
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taj64
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What exactly he is risking to lose her? Finances? And you ended this relationship and just shortly after he committed to someone else right away? I think I have to wonder about how crazy he is over you. It might be flattering to you and keep you drawn to him but to me it smells like a rat. That is the scheme here to keep you abay. The "I can't live without you" line. But in reality, he sure is living without you right now. People do stay in relationships where finances are concerned but if they really want to leave, they would, finances or not. if you truly love a person, want to be with them, then he would be making it happen right NOW. Gracenotes is correct, there are never any guarantees if a relationship will work or not. You said you were only in this relationship a short time. That in itself is a red flag. You were still in fantasy stage or the newness of the relationship. Neither of you really know each other as much as you think you do. He is in a relationship! Do you really want to be in the middle of someone else's heartbreak? Do you really know what goes on his household? It might not be as "trapped" as you think. Very few people are really trapped. It is best to be realistic about the whole thing and find yourself a guy who is totally available and can meet your needs. He said he got into the relationship for security? Most of us want a secure relationship, someone we can count on, trust, love and honor and also respect. Circumstance won't let you be together because he is in a relationship someone else, and whether or not you can admit it, there is depth to this relationship otherwise he would leave in a heartbeat.It does not matter who ended the last relationship between the two of you, it is where it stand right now and he is not available.

November 2, 2006
4:21 pm
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atalose
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I'm not seeing the he's crazy about you part in your story.
I am seeing a man who is using two woman, who is lying to at least one of them, probably both. And is having a enjoyable time by doing what you are allowing him to do. Of course he's be mad at the fact you might pull 1/2 his rug out from under him....

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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