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No contact anniversary
July 27, 2005
1:32 pm
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kc30
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September 27, 2010
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Today is my no contact anniversary...I can't remember if it's been 19 or 20 weeks. Either way....yahooooo! When I started it, I told myself it takes 3 weeks to make/break a habit, so I'll try for 4!

It took much longer than that but I held strong and now, it's no longer a struggle. It seems so ludicrous to me now that I would contact him, even when the urge hits (and I'm sorry to say, it still does by times). But why would I contact him, really? What would it accomplish? What do I really need? Is the man who lied to me and betrayed me and hurt me really the one I would turn to for anything? Approval? Why do I need HIS approval...look at the state of HIS life. Validation...do I really respect his opinion, or care deep down what he thinks of me and my life?

I have gained a sense of self esteem and an enormous amount of self respect.

Before no contact, I wanted HIM to see how much he had hurt me, how wrong it was for him to have done what he did to me. I wanted him to know I deserved better.

Now that I've stopped trying to convince him of what I wanted him to believe, I've been able to pound those points home where they really count...ME.

I do deserve more than I got. I do deserve a man who doesn't lie and cheat. I deserve to live my life without judgement and criticism. And I don't need him to tell me that this is true. In fact, I don't need him for anything.

It is a scary, freeing, empowering, and sometimes empty process. I find that as each stage of detachment passes (and there are many stages) and I move further and further away from my past and my life with him, I get scared and feel terribly empty. I suppose it's because he was such a huge part of my life.

Now it's tough...baby is coming soon and there are a lot of emotions coming to the surface...nostalgia and sentimentality. but because of the committment I made to myself to disengage from him and his life, I can see all sides of this relationship realistically now, and am no longer a slave to romantic idealization. I don't live in denial (at least I don't think I do! ha)

I can remember the good times, mourn for the man I loved, be kind and friendly to my ex...but never do I let myself forget the incredible pain and suffering I endured as a result of his choices.

I may forgive, and I may treat him better than he ever treated me, but I will never forget. I may cry for the past, but I will never go back. I may hug him and cry with him when our son is born, but I won't open my home, my head or my heart to him.

I'm standing on solid ground. And if I can find solid ground my friends, then there isn't another person out there who can't do the same.

Takes awhile, patience, committment, and the willingness to keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, forgiving your mistakes and trying again, and again, and again, but it WILL happen. You can get free of the ties that bind you, and you CAN be happy, even after you think you've lost everything...love, family, husband, soulmate, future, dreams. And you CAN be healthier than you have ever been as a result. I am proof!!

peace
kc

July 27, 2005
1:56 pm
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dustygirl
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Wow KC - what an inspiration you are to me.

I don't post much because of my workload, but every chance I get I am reading your posts because you give me hope that I will one day pass through this hell if I only believe in MYSELF.

Thanks for everything and congratulations.

Love you!!!

July 27, 2005
2:00 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Happy Anniversary, KC30!!!

It is apparent thru your posts how far you have come. Your determination and perseverence thru the ups and downs of no contact are admirable. And the fact that you are carrying his child, well what can I say about that? You are an extraordinary person and your ex is the biggest loser there ever was!

Your posts inspire me most days, but especially this one today hits home with me. I needed to hear everything that you said. I am in the early stages of detachment, but with every day that passes, things become much clearer to me that I am doing the right thing. It's time to take care of ME!

I wish you the very best with the impending birth of your beautiful child. Some of the greatest blessings in life come from our deepest sorrows. This child will be a reminder to you of when you "found" yourself again. And when you learned to "smile" again.

Please continue to post here...I benefit from them so! Some future guy out there will be the luckest guy in the world to find a woman like you! You inspire me to press on! Thanks:)

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