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no clues no warning now he's gone
May 20, 2005
7:22 pm
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angel4U
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foggy,

Just my 2 cents - If this were a situation where he had done something wrong to you (lied, cheated, etc.), then I would say "no, let him come to you". But from what you shared, it seems both of you had some fault in where you're at right now. Therefore I see no problem with asking if he would like to talk. But ask him, don't demand ... 😉 ... and if he's not ready yet, try to stay calm and be patient. This will at least let him know that you care enough to make the effort to hear how he feels ... and we ALL need that! And whatever you do, don't get into the blame game .. try to listen more, and talk less. You won't regret it!

Good luck to you,

angel4U

May 20, 2005
8:34 pm
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Anonymous
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I tried calling him, but he didn't answer the phone. I even tried his cell. I think he's trying to avoid me. I'm so hurt.

May 20, 2005
8:42 pm
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angel4U
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foggy,

I was just ready to log off and saw your response.

Remember that other people hurt too. Maybe this is just his way of processing all of this still ... you know what they say, guys need to crawl into their caves for awhile. And maybe if he were to come out now when he isn't ready, it would not turn out good. I know the feeling of losing someone can be overbearing. How long has it been since he left, and since you last talked?

May 20, 2005
8:50 pm
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angel4U
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foggy,

I need to log off but wanted to suggest you call someone you are close to right now and ask them if you can just sit and talk this through, and cry to if you need to. Is your Mom or anyone close by available? I think it might help to have someone in person that cares for you just give you a big hug right now and let you know it's going to be ok!

Don't isolate yourself, ok. It will only increase your anxiety.

I'll be thinking about you foggy!!

(((((((((((foggy)))))))))))

angel4u

May 21, 2005
3:37 am
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Anonymous
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I went out to dinner with him. He seemed happy, which was strange. I don't know if he was happy to see me or just happy to see me sweat. He said that my letter made him think about wanting to get back with me, but that he wasn't ready to jump into it yet. He said that he didn't think about breaking up with me. He said it just hit him that he didn't have to take it anymore and impulsively broke up with me. He said that he needed some time to think and that his fear was that I couldn't change and that I would be like that forever. He said that he still loved me and that it had nothing to do with a question of love. But when I asked him what our relationship meant to him he said he didn't know. But then he said he'd call me tomorrow. I feel like maybe he's just messing with me. I said that I feared that if we didn't get back together now that we never would. I said that I didn't see us getting back together 6 months or years down the road. Then, he said he wasn't thinking about that he was only talking about a matter of weeks. I got the sense that he really didn't have any intentions of not being with me and that he was just using this as an opportunity to gain power in the relationship. I don't know what do you think?

May 21, 2005
7:40 pm
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Desert Moon
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Hey foggy,

listen to your instincts. Listen to what he said - He said He didn't have to think about breaking up he just did it impulsively as a response to all the demands you say you put on him.

In a sense there has been a breech of trust. He is having a hard time trusting that you will change on a permanent basis. So yes, it is best to let him take things slowly. I don't think it's a power trip on his part necessarily, he just needs some time. Try to identify what is is and why you are so demanding of him. It may take a while for him to accept that you are indeed changing. But I think it has a lot to do with communication and it would seem a third part could help you in this area. You said you two were already in counselling so keep it up. I think you may be able to get through this if you tread carefully and give him time and space. Let him see that you respect him for that.

May 22, 2005
4:09 am
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Anonymous
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We went to a movie tonight and then out for a drink. Thank God, he gave me my ring back and said that he loved me and that he still wanted to marry me. He promised to not take it away from me again. I feel relieved but still anxious. I guess it may take me a while to recover from this and trust that he won't break up with me so flippantly again. I am really looking forward to tackling my anxiety issues. I am so sick of feeling this way all the time.

May 22, 2005
10:03 am
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Desert Moon
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foggy

I am really happy for you! I guess you feel you have a second chance at this now. Just remember that you both are aware there are issues to deal with before you get married, so now is the perfect time to iron our those kinks in the relationship. Know that being aware is only the first step and that the changes that need to be made will take lots of work, but the benifits are that you will be the right track toward a healthy marraige.

Best of luck to you both!

May 23, 2005
6:17 am
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revelation
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Hello Foggy, OK, I'm really glad that you and he got back together, but now here is the hard part, because you being you and me being me...the type of people we are..may start to obsess about this, get insecure about it and cling on really tight. so you'll feel anxious and just plain terrified that this will happen again, its ok to feel that, but just take it easy ok? Don't panic and do anything impulsive, over the next few months rule that out and always think again about your actions and banish negative thoughts.

Good luck!
Rev.

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