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No boundries
March 21, 2005
8:46 pm
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Almosthappy
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I realized that I do not have any boundries. If someone mentions a problem I have an answer, and I am hip deep in their problem. I can HELP! I try to do everything for everyone and they resent me because I am pushy/bossy and I get the job done and I resent them because they don't even try. In the meantime I have no energy and I am completely stressed out. Crazy cycle!! Has anyone had success with kicking this?

March 21, 2005
8:51 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Almosthappy,

There is a very good book entitled "Boundaries" by: Dr. Henry Cloud. That book will enable you to set your boundaries with people and improve your communication. I hope and pray it'll make you not only almost happy, by totally happy!LOLLOL

Love,

Rasputin

March 21, 2005
9:05 pm
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Almosthappy
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I am driving 600 miles so that my xhusband can see his son for the first time in almost a year and he says that it is not for him. He is probably right but I am fit to be tied.

I want good boundries right now. Why don't they have a drive thru for good behavior!!!

March 21, 2005
9:17 pm
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CAMER
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whats up with the ex hubby NOT wanting to see his son??? is he taking any responsiblity for bringing up HIS child???

March 21, 2005
9:56 pm
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Almosthappy
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No! He doesn't do anything on his own. If he could ignore me maybe his son would vanish. I send him letters to tell him what our son wants and a needs for his birthday, xmas, etc...I make visits and phone calls happen. "Codependent"

I have talked to my son about how his father has now given up two families for drugs and drinking and I always feel like the bad guy.

I feel bad for him and I feel bad for our son. I feel like I am loosing my mind.

March 21, 2005
10:35 pm
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readyforachange
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Okay, I posted on your other thread...but I'd like to jump in here too.

First, there was a really good thread about boundaries not long ago. Type Boundaries into the Search box and it should come up...might be good reading for you.

Second, you are right. If you are not doing this for your ex, you need to figure out WHY you are driving 300 miles. Is it for your son? For you? What will it do for your son? He knows his father is absent...will this change things? Will it set up hopes for him that will be crushed later because dad won't follow through? He has you...and no, you can't take the place of his dad, but his dad is what his dad is. That isn't going to change even if you drive 300 miles so he can see his son on every holiday. Kids know.

Have you talked to your son about this? What does he think about this? How old is he, BTW?

Okay, enough questions.

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