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Night Noises
March 27, 2008
3:14 am
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Gherkin
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I've been reading and decided to ask for some suggestions. I have trouble sleeping at night since my husband left me last year. I do not really miss him but I'm scared to sleep alone. We argued so much before he took off it's almost like relief, but it felt safe to have someone in the house with me at night.

When we were 5, my father was sent to prison for raping a 16 year old girl. My mother had to go to work and could not get a job anywhere in town except midnights at a factory. She locked the house up so we weren't suppose to answer door or the telephone to anyone. Me and my twin sister slept in the same bed holding each other when we were scared. No one in town would help Mother with babysitting or anything else for that matter - they didn't want anything to do with any of us after my father went to prison because of his crime. We stayed alone every night for over three years until my mother got a day job in the next town and we moved.

I've read books about fear of abandonment and BPD. I am not so afraid of being abandoned, I don't mind being alone, I am just very alert after dark when I am alone. I moved to the middle of town to be close to my job, and because the rent is less expensive. It's noisier all night here. I am lucky to get 4 hours of sleep all together. I started seeing a therapist and I've tried taking tranquilizers - so they either work too well so I have trouble getting up the next day, or I lay in bed groggy, still not able to sleep all night. It's horrible. I'm working a second job so I can save to move closer to my family. That has helped but it looks like it will take over a year to save enough to move. After working 14 hours a day I am so tired I can hardly drive home. I sleep deep on those 2 nights a week but there are the other nights. I jump at noises, I imagine people tapping on the windows. I am afraid that someone will come in and try to rob me- or worse. When I hear a car drive by I tremble or shake. I am afraid.

I know why I am scared. I know that it all goes back to my childhood and being left alone in the house, and that hostile community. It's taking time to work on my terror. I'm so sleep deprived. Does anyone have suggestions for relaxing enough to go to sleep? All alone at night?

March 27, 2008
4:06 am
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Linda Linda
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My best friend had that. She started to live alone after divorce and soon she got to the point she couldn't leave her house after dark.
She finally took advice from one Doctor and that was to confront the night. Go outside get big. Confront the darkness. Open all the windows in the house. Confront the fear by being bigger than it.

March 27, 2008
4:25 am
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Linda Linda
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I must say you have so much strength inside of you.

To survive that kind of trama at a young age is truly a miracle.

Learning martial arts is essential to being alive I believe.

Boxing. anything. You are a powerful weapon.

Remember once the heart sees you are taking care of her she will open BIG. Fear will bow to empowerment.

March 30, 2008
4:01 am
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Gherkin
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Linda Linda

I tried to be bigger than the night. It's not working. I am smaller than my fears. It's imbedded in me and I don't know what else to do. Thanks anyway.

March 31, 2008
12:33 am
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Randomwomen2
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I have trouble sleeping at night too sweetheart. My husband works graveyard most nights so its just me and my children. IT is scary at times because its not safe where I live. I live in apartments and there are a lot of drug addicts close to me plus I have some childhood stuff that happened so my imagination goes into over drive and I lay in bed for hours sometimes. Could you put on some light music to help you? Some people can sleep with music on. Also caffene free herbal tea will sometimes do the trick or a nice hot shower. Sometimes I put my favorite movie going and just fall asleep to that. Maybe making a routine of locking all the doors and checking the windows before you go to bed could help. Maybe I should take my own advice. LOL. Sodas and coffees are terrible right before bed and anything that has a whole lot of sugars in it. And sometimes when my imagination gets the best of me I sing the most uplifting song that I can think of. For me its christian songs but any positive song would help. Another thing that I have heard of people doing is writing down everything thats on their mind right before they go to bed from fears to things I got to do and just say OK there on this paper they wont do me any good tonight but it will be here in the morning. And try to leave it all on the paper.

March 31, 2008
1:13 pm
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atalose
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Gherkin,

A suggestion to drown out noise is to sleep with a box fan on medium speed. I worked shift work for years and trying to sleep during the day with outside noise was a killer. A fellow shift worker suggested I go to sleep with a box fan on medium speed. It took a few days to get used to that but now I can’t sleep without one.

They sell machines with white noise but a box fan is cheaper and works just as well.

As for the fear continue to work through that in therapy and in reading and in posting here.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 31, 2008
1:53 pm
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eve
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Have you thought about a pet? Maybe you can have a cat? I find it very comfortable to have my od tom cat warming my legs in bed. And he is very alert when he hears something really unusal. So I leave the wakefulness at night to my cat.

But: I have to get up on sundays as early as during the week, becaus mr. cat wants his breakfast.

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